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Introverts unite (from a distance)!

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to explain to my mum that "introverted" just means "doesn’t like large crowds and likes long periods of solitude." She stubbornly insists it means "antisocial prick not interested in being part of the family, who can move the fuck out of her house" when I turn 18 in 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 152

Soggy mess

By Anonymous - 30/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I managed to wash my phone with my laundry. I didn’t realize it was in my jeans until I heard a thudding noise. After rescuing it from the depths of soggy clothes, I tried the rice trick to dry it out. A few hours later, my cat thought it was a new litter tray and promptly pissed in the rice, then spread it all over the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 235

Agony Aunt

By Anonymous - 14/04/2023 21:00 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, just because I have mental health issues doesn’t mean I’m the god of mental health issues. I don’t know everything. But everyone thinks I do. I want to help but it takes a piece out of me every time someone sends me someone hurting. Yes I help them, but it hurts me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 230

They see me rollin'…

By Anonymous - 11/09/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I finally give rollerblading a try, since it looked so effortless. I put on all the gear and started skating down the street. Within seconds, I lost control, crashed into a garbage bin, and rolled directly into my neighbor's yard. I was so embarrassed that I just lay there pretending I was "just fine, really" while their dog licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 470

Goodbye, I guess

By Pandorian - 18/04/2023 03:00 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I tried to plan a date with five colleagues for a goodbye-drink together, since I'm leaving the team after two and a half years. They told me it was going to be difficult to pick a date that suited everybody, so they already took into account that it won't be happening. When another colleague left, we went out for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 147

No tip for you

By Anonymous - 17/09/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my Italian boyfriend claims his dad owned a restaurant and taught him everything he knows. His dad must have worked at a McDonald’s then because my boyfriend is the only Italian I’ve met who overcooks pasta into mush, can’t season tomato sauce properly, and thinks Domino’s makes good pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 137

Tree trunks

By AloneAtPerkins - 18/11/2020 13:02 - United States - West Bend

Today, I shaved my legs. It's been so long since I've shaved that my razor broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 363

Frustrated you are

By SlumLord - 27/11/2020 05:02

Today, when thinking about an Star Wars meme that said, "Quote Star Wars to describe your sex life", I realized that I had to stop at the title screen: "long ago" and "far, far away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 156

Voice of a generation

By Stevie - 29/09/2024 06:00 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I was belting out Beyoncé in the shower, really feeling myself. When I got out, I heard applause. My new neighbors were sitting on their balcony and I had my bedroom window open. They'd been unwilling members of my entire shower performance's audience, and the applause was definitely sarcastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 415

How I feel at the kid's table

By Lewis - 19/01/2019 19:00 - France - Paris

But mooooom! I'm a grown man!

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 61

NEXT!

By Anonymous - 28/10/2024 22:00 - United States - Newark

Today, I was on a date with a girl I've been crushing on for a while. At one point we started talking about pets we'd had. I wanted to show my sensitive side, so I told her how I sadly had to get my beloved cat euthanized earlier that week, and had buried her in my backyard. Her response? "Ew." FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 147

Never miss a chance to sit down

By wookieewhosshe - 05/06/2023 17:00 - United Kingdom - Cowdenbeath

Today, I was so busy all the time that I actually got a thrill out of sitting down and taking the weight off my feet. On the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 146

I am the passenger

By Anonymous - 03/11/2024 13:00 - Canada - Victoria

Today, when I went to the bathroom, I found an earwig in my underpants. Yes, it was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 71

Are you calling me a fatass?

By Asl94 - 16/01/2021 05:01

Today, my mom asked me what I wanted as a gift, so I said a Cricut machine. She replied, "You don’t need exercise equipment, you need to eat healthier." A Cricut is a sticker maker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 159

Power shortage

By Anonymous - 14/11/2024 08:00 - Mexico - Zapopan

Today, on vacation with family, the power goes off in the middle of the night. I wake up as the A/C starts dripping on my head. No air, wet pillow, can't sleep, but I decide to tough it out until morning rather than wake everyone. In the morning, I discovered my sister had hit the breaker because she couldn't find the light switch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 97

Nervous laughing

By Anonymous - 18/11/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, my parents and I were looking for something using the TV's search bar. Despite never, ever watching anything resembling porn, one of the default search options was, "Hot female Asian sex videos." Thank God they have an excellent sense of humor, as they laughed their heads off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 99

Micromanagement

By Anonymous - 19/11/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom - City of Westminster

Today, I’m 15 and my mother banned me from watching YouTube because it’s "distracting." What the f***? How? Now I have to pretend that I've watched the things my friends send me so they won’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 530

By Tripartita - 07/07/2016 13:31 - United States

Today, after months of convincing from my friends, I finally bought a car they claimed would be a chick magnet. Wrong kind of "chick," mates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 83

Circular

By Anonymous - 26/06/2023 03:00

Today, my boyfriend of one year broke up with me a week before my prom because he found out that he liked my best friend instead. However, she likes someone else anyways, so were now both left brokenhearted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 124

Not having a good time, really

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 02:00

Today, I not only woke up with yet another splitting headache, but I stubbed my toe and my desktop kept crashing. That wouldn't be too terrible if it wasn't the second day in a row of bad luck, which previously involved someone stealing my card info and buying gamer keys with it the day after I got paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 106

Apex predator

By Ihatestraycats - 22/07/2023 12:00

Today, after we finished making my 6 year-old daughter a net to catch an injured baby bird, when she went out to catch it she witnessed a stray cat catch and eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 164

By Anonymous - 09/06/2019 12:41

Today, I tripped over a kid at work. She was sitting on the floor with her legs sticking out into the walkway. Her mom caused a scene, accusing me of doing it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 865

You deserved it 107

Preparation is key

By powerspin_fml - 27/07/2023 18:02 - Canada

Today, both my boss and my wife's boss gave us the day off. Do we go biking with the children? Do we go on a picnic with the children? No, I'm not allowed doing anything until she and I find a world-class, free activity to do. This is gonna be our day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 173

Stars of CCTV

By Anonymous - 31/07/2023 06:00 - Australia

Today, I had a discussion with my boss. I work at a self storage, and told her that we need 8 more security cameras so that we can cover all the hallways. She decided to get 2 put into the office so she can spy on her employees instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 128

You OK, Human?

By Anonymous - 05/01/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when I slipped on some mud and fell onto my ass. As I fell, I let go of the leash, and my dog just stood there, staring at me in what seemed like curious judgment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 127

The passenger

By F.L.Stubbs - 05/08/2023 00:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I was drinking coffee at work, while being surrounded by a lot of flies in the area I was working. Later, in the evening, I found a fly under my bottom denture plate. It'd been there for about 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 145

The indignity

By Anonymous - 12/01/2025 06:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I stepped on the scale this morning and it actually shattered beneath my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 182

**** our lives

By stuck - 16/05/2022 06:00

Today, I’m on day three of pneumonia and a sinus infection. My six year-old is on day three of a sinus infection and day one of the stomach flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 137

The nerve of this guy

By Gigi - 04/05/2022 06:00

Today, my father accused me of not taking care of my 15-month-old son, who is putting on weight slowly because of starting to walk and run. Come on, for a man who sees his grandchildren two or three times a year and never gives his daughter a call, who gave him the courage? FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 128

Stuck on you

By Anonymous - 10/02/2025 15:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I put on a new pair of jeans and went out. Halfway through my errands, I realized the long sticker with my size was still on the back. I walked around for quite a while advertising my embarrassing waist and leg measurements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 327

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The Top

Today, I learned that every podcast bro is a fucking liar and a vile hypocrite. Men seem to like me, but the minute I tell them I’m a virgin and saving myself for marriage, suddenly they’re gone faster than a spooked horse. What happened to the low/no body count, huh boys?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 489

Today, after “talking” and flirting with my team lead for a few months, we started dating and I quit my job, which I really liked, and started working somewhere I didn’t just so we could be together. Now, two weeks after quitting, she breaks up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 1 242

Today, I received an e-mail telling me the job offer I got last week was rescinded. Apparently, the memes I share on my Instagram page are "tasteless" and don’t fit the company’s values. I forgot my profile is public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 1 932

Today, my boyfriend gave me the best birthday ever, then promptly broke up with me at midnight to get back with his ex, because he "didn't want to ruin my special day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 933

You deserved it 140

Today, after I spent years, and thousands of dollars, searching for my birth father, he changed his mind about adopting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 170

Today, I caught myself thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. During sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 440

You deserved it 7 279