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GET UP

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I left the apartment door open so the construction workers sent by our landlord could work in the kitchen, while I slept in after working a late shift. They knocked on the bedroom door at 7 a.m., asking me to move the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 830

You deserved it 241

By kittyjoe - 08/08/2019 16:00 - Australia

Today, while feeling sorry for myself that I can't find a guy, a girl on the talk show I was watching said, "You're never gonna find a guy sitting at home in your jammies with the cat." I'm sitting at home in my jammies with the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 836

When Stranger Danger goes feral

By Anonymous - 18/09/2023 06:00

Today, I was beaten up by a random dude for trying to pick my own son up from school. I'm pasty white, my wife is black, and our son was visibly born black, so I was beaten up for attempted kidnapping, and it’s not the first time it’s happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 142

By internetloser - 16/08/2017 16:15 - United States - Kewaskum

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. How, you may ask? He used the Adult Swim "We should see other people" commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 618

You deserved it 303

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 1 001

For Those About to Rock…

By ljajjanaa - 04/04/2021 11:00

Today, I had to politely request that my floormate not blast heavy metal music at 4 a.m. His response? "It’s the weekend," followed by him slamming the door in my face and turning the music up. I work weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 102

No filter

By Anonymous - 23/06/2022 04:00

Today, I washed my backpack. Unfortunately, I forgot to empty that ONE little pocket inside, so I also washed 5 bucks, a mirror, some tissues and a notepad. Now my backpack is full of mirror shards and thousands of tiny pieces of paper-fuzz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 764

Help yourself!

By called the cops - 22/09/2023 19:00 - United States

Today, my now ex was angrily moving out of our place. She slammed the door so hard behind her it bounced back wide open instead of latching. I don’t live in the best of neighborhoods. Since I was out of town, all I could do was watch helplessly on the Ring camera as my place was emptied out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 160

Don't print this FML

By NeverCheckOnFamily - 03/06/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, I checked on an uncle following his surgery. I got a two-hour monologue of how the internet doesn't really save paper, because he has to print the bills and receipts, plus pay for ink and staples, and that utility companies are really just shifting costs to the consumer by going "paperless". FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 176

Check yourself before you wreck yourself

By Anonymous - 12/04/2021 02:00

Today, I dumped my girlfriend because she frequently wouldn't answer my texts or phone calls, and not call or message back for days. I felt that bringing it up made me a control freak. I couldn't take it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 347

Horrific misdirection

By Anonymous - 15/03/2025 14:00 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, my brother sent me a dick pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 122

How does technology work?

By lukey101 - 28/06/2022 00:00 - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, my mum refused to send me a picture she took on her iPhone until it synced up to her iPad, because she claimed it will then appear larger. When I tried to explain the image will be the same regardless, she angrily accused me of not having any trust in her. I still haven’t seen the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 101

By Lisa - 23/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Tupelo

Today, a woman came knocking on my door. Not to sell something or to chat, no. To punch me in the mouth. Apparently, I stole her husband and I'm a homewrecker. We don't have a clue who she is. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 145

You deserved it 248

There there

By Anonymous - 03/10/2023 00:00 - United States - Greenville

Today, after I dated a girl for 4 years and she'd left me for another man, she came back about a week later bawling on my bathroom floor. I comforted and held her, thinking she may have realized she'd made a mistake, only for her to say how much she loved him the whole time. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 386

By boop snoop - 01/09/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, the power at work was out. This would be fine, if they didn’t make me stay for another hour to wait for it to come back on in the Texas heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 129

Stinky

By cranky, smelly, musty, moody - 14/10/2023 00:02

Today, I’ve finished all my cancer treatments but my body is putting me through the wringer again. I got my first period after not having one for nearly a year, and with it has come all sorts of hormonal issues including cramping, mood swings, hot flashes, and heinous BO! It’s worse than puberty! FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 99

Scarred for life

By Guess who's back - 10/07/2022 10:00 - Australia - Homebush

Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 1 914

Right place, wrong time

By tiptoppc - 12/07/2022 16:00

Today, I drove across three states, starting out at 4:30am, to do on-site tech work. Once I arrived, I was informed that work was scheduled tomorrow, not today, which wasn't my fault, they messed up. I lost a whole day and gas costs. I don’t get paid for this unless I do the work. I’m stuck in South Dakota. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 114

Baby Got Back

By BigBack - 14/04/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I came home early from work because I wasn’t feeling well. I overheard a phone conversation that my husband was having in the living room. “Yeah dude, I ain’t attracted to that bitch no more, she got a big back now, but she pays the bills and I got a roof over me, so it’s good, you feel me?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 114

Gratitude walks

By Liam - 06/05/2021 02:01

Today, my girl called me a "brainless, insensitive prick" Why? Because I wanted to surprise her with flowers since she’s been on vacation for 3 weeks and I hadn’t seen her. She was badly sunburned. I’d bought sunflowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 120

Poor good girl

By mary07 - 15/07/2022 14:00

Today, I woke up, got out of bed, but I didn’t notice the dog right next to my bed and accidentally kicked her. All the treats, apologies, and attempted pets in the world won’t help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 220

Dr House

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 16:00

Today, I was trying to ease off a caffeine headache. I ended up getting a Brain Freeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 337

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 03:59

Today, my husband excitedly came home from the gun show with a new lower receiver. I, however, had to go back out and get my own birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 134

Science has gone too far

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 22:00

Today, I watched our very clever cat turn on our oven with ease. I now fear for my children's lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 141

Close call

By Anonymous - 09/11/2023 06:00 - Canada

Today, I went on a relaxing nature hike to de-stress. I got lost for hours, encountered a bear, and had to play dead, only for the bear to steal my sandwich then sit there for hours before finally leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 181

Nice try

By hkbaer - 27/09/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, my dad tried to charge me $3000 for a car that my dead grandma, his mother, left to me in her will. I have to live with this asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 125

You deserved it 131

Vengeance is mine

By Anonymous - 14/11/2023 22:00

Today, my stepson told his class that I beat his mommy. I did beat his mommy… in Pokémon. He left that detail out, and now his entire school is treating me like a monster. My wife thinks it's hilarious, and says it's her revenge for me winning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 109

Mind of my own

By Bahi - 25/07/2022 10:00

Today, despite the fact that I'm 20 years-old, my parents never allow me to go out and have fun with my friends, under the pretext that I'm a girl. I'm stuck at house all year long, I only go out to the college they forced me to study at, and they decide everything about me. I’m tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 264

Is that even legal?

By Anonymous - 17/11/2023 00:00

Today, I went to the cafeteria at work like I usually do, but couldn't find anything I liked. Turns out there's a new policy in place: the cafeteria is now serving only vegan foodstuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 142

Everybody does

By Bill - 30/05/2021 23:59 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, I’ve been unemployed for 5 months. My last job was for government in Canada and I was harassed by management, and deemed a threat to the building. Why? Someone complained I cough. I’ve been coughing for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 113

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 061

You deserved it 10 383

Today, I got into a car accident. Why? I was distracted by a floating spec of dust and was pretending I was in space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 663

You deserved it 65 833

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 800

You deserved it 2 220

Today, I found out that my fiancé of three years, with whom I share a child, fell in love with my best friend and they’ve been going on dates for the last four months after work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 815

You deserved it 148

Today, I forgot my key inside my apartment. My boyfriend suggested we ask a neighbor to open it. I explained we don't all have the same key, to which he responded, "Well how come they all have the same doorknobs?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 261

You deserved it 5 227

Today, I was asked to crawl through a sunroof because one of my coworkers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sunroof. To laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 419

You deserved it 42 467