health

Low blow

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found myself crying in the bathroom because I started to feel lonely and depressed. My mother came into the bathroom, hearing me cry and gave me an hour long speech about what a beautiful human being I am… And to not forget to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 982

You deserved it 5 855

Trumpet solo

By Churizmo - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone fell silent as my dad began to pray for our meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 278

You deserved it 5 562

Carly Rae Jepsen

By Anonymous - 15/07/2024 00:00

Today, I was setting up a rat trap at the kitchen table and had just gotten it set when my phone rang. I foolishly leaned over to grab my phone, brushed against the trap, and it snapped closed on my nipple. I wasn’t wearing a bra so that thing grabbed my nipple hard and didn’t let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 265

Sort yourselves out

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 16:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, my health insurance refuses to pay for either contraceptives or the small surgery to get my tubes tied, even with a doctor’s note confirming I need it. They are quite happy, however, to pay for any number of abortions, subsequent therapy, and/or complications during childbirth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 99

Chemical warfare

By Anonymous - 13/07/2024 06:00 - Canada - Terrace

Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 452

Knackered and shattered

By Out of Shape - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Egypt

Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 137

You deserved it 35 905

The shame

By Dave - 12/07/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom - Salisbury

Today, I found a photo of me as a sad-looking teenage schoolboy. No wonder. Under that uniform, I was wearing women's shapewear. I was a chubby kid and, against my will, I was forced into wearing a firm control panty girdle - ashamed, uncomfortable and terrified of being caught, it really messed me up for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 109

Shake it off

By chubby - 11/07/2024 20:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my metabolism finally slowed down just weeks before my high school reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 132

Road trip

By Rodi - 11/07/2024 14:00 - Netherlands - Ugchelen

Today, after we drove to France to go to a jazz festival, we'd arrived in the evening after a 600 km drive, and my wife made a misstep and broke her ankle, it's the next day and we drove back home. After the first toll booth, the electric car window would no longer go up, so we drove with the window open for the remaining 500 km. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 112

Freakout

By Anonymous - 11/07/2024 09:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my boyfriend trapped me in a corner of our apartment and kept making sounds that he knows cause me to become violently angry (I have misophonia). He wouldn't stop, even though I was practically begging him to, and now he's mad that I freaked out and broke his nose to get away from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 151

Skincrawling

By Wanna be a skeleton - 11/07/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I was finally able to see a dermatologist and figure out why my skin problems are so awful. The good news is that I now have an answer: Hidradenitis suppurativa. The bad news is that it's a permanent condition. It's been making my life miserable since I was fourteen, and it's PERMANENT. Great. Just great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 90

Pay no mind

By Jlhfan90 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I've been a vegan for a year. It's also the day that I met my dad's new best friend, who happens to be a retired butcher. They tried to pull an intervention on me for not "being sensible" by eating meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 221

You deserved it 19 470

Get this off me!

By lovebuglovebirds - 09/07/2024 00:00 - United States - Johnson City

Today, as I was breastfeeding my daughter, I looked over and there was a big tick sucking my armpit away. I just started screaming, "Help! Help!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 140

Out of control

By Detroitman125 - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my parents told me that they think I've gone off the deep end. I don't drink or take drugs. What did I do? I got McDonald's a couple of times after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 115

You deserved it 340

What's on the menu?

By Anonymous - 08/07/2024 14:00 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, my doctor wants me to avoid carbohydrates, proteins, and fats. Yes, I am looking for another doctor while I scratch my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 107

Radio silence

By OnTheReceivingEnd - 08/07/2024 06:00 - United States - Gilbert

Today, my family wonders why I don't call them more often. Probably because every single facet of my life is a disaster; medically, professionally, mentally and emotionally. Who wants to listen to a radio station that has nothing but bad news playing on it? Also, no habits that will get me an early grave. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 138

On the move

By c-Ouch - 07/07/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, my wife yelled at me for not helping her rearrange the furniture. I have a sprained shoulder and have been ordered by my doctor to avoid heavy lifting. She said, "Move the couch or sleep on it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 99

Mirror image

By JimmyTheDude - 05/07/2024 22:00 - Ireland - Cork

Today, to save money, I tried following a YouTube tutorial to trim my beard myself. Halfway through, the clippers slipped, and now I have a huge chunk missing in the middle of my chin. I tried to even it out, but it just got worse. Now I look like I lost a fight with a Flymo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 368

Blackout

By stupiddrunk - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck, and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 164

You deserved it 39 842

Too much

By Lost Reggie - 05/07/2024 12:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my daughter had her gall bladder removed after just having liver surgery, my girlfriend tripped and fell, breaking several toes and possibly her ankle, and I got almost no sleep between my night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 103

Hypochondriac

By Stepheroni - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to the doctor to ask what the weird white lump was on my back, and if it was cancer. He told me it was the biggest pimple he'd ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 846

You deserved it 692

July the fourth be with you!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Loveland

Today, during my family's traditional fourth of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 064

You deserved it 3 530

Danger zone

By Agony! Agony! Agony! - 04/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's needy five year-old tried to swing on my arm while I was cutting celery. I needed seven stitches. Later, my girlfriend complained that I should have cleaned up the blood because she's squeamish, and that I upset her son by yelling and cussing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 140

Do not disturb

By Anonymous - 03/07/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I have such chronic back pain that I can usually never get comfortable, but I found the perfect position to lie in bed, and was nearly 100% pain free. I felt so good. Someone knocked on the door, so I had to answer it. They'd got the wrong house number. I couldn’t find that perfect position again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 123

New sensation

By birchbeer - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 949

You deserved it 2 539

Life is life

By Anonymous - 01/07/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I spent a good hour playing a life simulation game so my character could go through the stages of pregnancy and labor, only to jealously cry for an hour because my character can successfully get pregnant and have a baby, and I can't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 252

Family portrait

By Anonymous - 01/07/2024 06:00 - United States - Goose Creek

Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 533

Insomnia tip

By pull my finger - 30/06/2024 16:00 - United States - Asheville

Today, as I sometimes do, I laid in bed at night rating my farts as I couldn't sleep. I'm a 53 year-old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 252

Bent out of shape

By Anonymous - 28/06/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom - Clydebank

Today, I went for a massage because my shoulder's been hurting for months but I can't take decent painkillers because they'd react with my anti-depressants. It STILL hurts, but worse, across my upper spine, and I can't tilt my head back. I paid to look like The Hunchback of Notre Dame doing a swan impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 146

Humblebrag time

By Pusillanimous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was waiting in line with a friend, and she poked my stomach and said, "I wish I had your stomach." I asked her why. She said, "Boys wouldn't flirt with me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 713

You deserved it 5 542

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Argument Transportation Annoying Miscellaneous Embarrassing Pranks Awkward Relatable Kids Parents AITA Work Family Love Poopoo peepee Health Swimming pool My ex Intimacy NSFW Sex Money Raining Painful Medication Relationship advice Mental health Psychology Animals Cats

The Top

Today, my "friends" and I were supposed to go out to eat to celebrate finishing the last day of school, but with a full day of work first, I decided to go buy them donuts. They decided to ditch me while I was gone, and go early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 999

You deserved it 919

Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 147

You deserved it 4 037

Today, I met one of my favorite webcomic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth, he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 516

You deserved it 7 817

Today, at work, our grease traps were getting cleaned out. My desk is right next to the vent for outside air, and veryone thought I crapped myself and wouldn't go near me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 910

You deserved it 478

Today, it's -5°C outside and snowing and it's only September. If that wasn’t bad enough, we aren't allowed to have the heat on at work due to a menopausal monster who loses her shit and throws things if we turn it on. I can't feel my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 281

You deserved it 242

Today, I got locked inside the entrance area of a Walmart. I had to get an employee to get me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 186