Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML
Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML
Today, my patient had her call bell on. When I went to see what she needed, she replied that she was very itchy and could not reach to scratch the itch. I basically got called in to scratch my patient's crotch. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML
Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML
Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML
Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML
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Top comments
Superflyshyguy 0
"Up until I was 18, I thought you only had to wipe once after taking a dump. I just figured an itchy butt and brown underwear streaks were a part of life." -Thad Cassel.
Trace01m 11
Maybe just reach back and scratch your ass.. I think it would be much more effort to use plywood..
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Comments (60)
CrazyManNo9 29
WTF does it matter to her, as long as you were hanging her drywall. Who the **** cares?
Emrysa 1
I don't know maybe because he's scratching his ass on something that's in her house, and that's nasty. Pretty sure I'd be like what the f*** are you doing too. That's unsanitary as hell.
Zebidee 9
Tell her you were just laying down a swatch of Mission Brown.
aliaysleighbasic 0
hahahaha
Alexey_fml 0
Haha
mintcar 10
And....you really couldn't tell her exactly what you told us?
5up3rTAN 0
Provided your pants were in the up position and the wood was not inserted into your rectum....I see no cause for concern.
MaximilianMarche 0
what flavor is your sucker
Imagirll 3
that is just disgusting.
Emrysa 1
What are you, a dog that drags it's butt on stuff? Do you have worms? That's nasty, and I hope she hired someone else who isn't rubbing crap on her stuff to finish the job. FHerL
bossybella 0
fake!
walawalavoila7 0
so you get someone to scratch yours?!
TheWicked 4
lmao, "I'm Naomi, and unlike most people on here, I wont judge you for being human." the irony! Hycklare! :)