Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML
Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML
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Top comments
Srs_business 7
He's a damn good ninja then.
Demonfish 14
Of course the police can't find him; he's a ninja!
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Comments (147)
hellproof023 6
Ninja man ninja man. Does whatever ninja man does.
xrainbowshadowx 17
Do you actually believe that the cops are going to find a ninja? It's a ninja, and one does not simple catch a ninja.
perdix 29
Everybody was Kung Fu Pointing! Or Every day this month? This sounds like a . . . Tradition It helps you keep your balance like a . . . a . . . like a Ninja on the Roof!
Mr25_fml 14
There is only one person you can go to in order to catch the ninja... Jackie Chan. Put Jackie and the ninja in a room full of furniture, see what happens
xXxIracebethxXx 14
You can't really see what ninja's do. Too swift and sneaky. It is a ninja, after all!
spazz666 18
I'm starting to think you're a moron. Even if they're moving and you can't see them, you'd see the furniture move around when they throw it at each other. Please use your brain before you make a stupid comment.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
^ Obviously has the inability to sense simple internet sarcasm. Pathetic. *yawn*
eddiemusicjazz 11
That's kind of cool... In a twisted way
fail_gurl21 7
pedo ninja?...
OhDearBetrayal 25
I'm guessing if the OP is able to write and be on this site she may have already gone through puberty.
yessy729 0
"Drugs are bad mkay"
pharmacy 1
That's what happens when you continue to smoke heroin.
PeteyPablo12308 20
Heroin is not a hallucinogen...
martinjar12 2
Schizophrenia's a bitch ;)
dunebro 15
I you saw nobody standing on the roof, it would have been a real ninja.
TeddyB88 4
Lmao. Sorry to laugh at your misfortune, but that shit is hilarious