Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. Five minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog had shat in the exact same spot, apparently to make me look stupid. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML
Today, work was so busy that when I went to take a shit, I had to force it and wipe hurriedly. Later, when I got home and hopped in the shower, my wife saw the skid mark in my underwear and lost her shit, calling me a disgusting disgraceful pig. FML
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
Today, I felt accomplished after I cleaned the whole house alone, but then I stepped backwards to admire my work and stepped into a pile of dog poop. FML
Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML
Today, I couldn’t tell that my puppy had an upset stomach before I left for work. I came home to her covered in shit inside her crate. After cleaning her up and almost being done with the mess, my husband found where she had tried to lick herself clean and then vomited it up in our bedroom. FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
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Top comments
Miss_gord 0
"stupid dog you make me look bad":)
forthepainx3 0
maybe it was your wife and she was blaming the dog? :o
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Comments (96)
none_for_me 5
You deserve it for having a relationship with your wife that makes her your mom!!
EmoLittleBish 0
LOL #2 xDD
XxPurplePandaxX 0
OP you should bring it to obedient school.
Anderswartz 4
which, the dog or the wife?
XxPurplePandaxX 0
both. mostly the dog tho ;)
ninjasaurous 0
-17, I love that show. I still watch it on Cartoon Network when it's on.. Even though I'm 19...
Zmeilerr 22
You're a ******* pig. And your grammar disgusts me.
PushMyButtons 5
I don't know why this made me laugh so hard, but it did.
russianspy1234 11
Did you eat it or something? Cuz if no, you could just show it to her.
dezeradenzenooit 2
why don't you just walk the dog instead of forcing it to shit at home?
Jenmic 16
Funny thing is when I first saw the comments there was an ad for dog poop signs.
blad11 0
when dogs do this they are trying to assert dominance. you just need to prove you're the alpha male by being on top next time you have sex with it.