Love, Cats and Dad jokes: Welcome to the family!

Welcome to the family!

By Sprtsgeek13 - 13/09/2012 12:37 - United States - Camden

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 431

You deserved it 2 530

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Same thing different taste

By sunboy52 - 05/05/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 884

You deserved it 91 003

By frenchpop1960 - 23/02/2009 21:58 - United States

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 370

You deserved it 41 843

By not picking up - 20/03/2015 17:50 - Slovenia - Zelimlje

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 433

You deserved it 2 607

By Anonymous - 28/12/2013 00:05 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 205

You deserved it 3 810

By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 15:34 - United States - Waterville

Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 554

You deserved it 4 508

By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 13:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 743

You deserved it 3 447

CLAWS

By Anonymous - 07/06/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 966

You deserved it 416 842

By Anonymous - 15/05/2012 03:52 - United States

Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 936

You deserved it 2 915

Chatty cat

By Anonymous - 15/12/2014 16:07 - Australia

Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 515

You deserved it 3 232

By a critically injured shitehawk - 25/04/2015 10:34 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 195

You deserved it 3 019

Comet_Candy 23

Thursday 13 September 2012 18:50

Your father sounds like an absolute riot!

SweetAsHell 9

Thursday 13 September 2012 18:49

I don't think she's going to want to continue your family line anytime soon, OP.

Comments

katie1989 9

Saturday 15 September 2012 0:20

Cats probably used to it.

RockinRoyaltyxD 13

Saturday 15 September 2012 8:26

If this happen to me like if I'm ur gf, I would find this too funny. Your dad is awesome. XD

stupidpplsuck 33

Saturday 15 September 2012 11:05

this just sounds awful

escobar07 10

Saturday 15 September 2012 21:28

I wanna drink with your dad now. He sounds like a funny midi

escobar07 10

Saturday 15 September 2012 21:30

Can I drink with your dad he's funny.

MoreBeef 4

Sunday 16 September 2012 12:47

Your dad is awesome. This is the best prophylactic I have ever heard of. And to think, it's free!

DrAtomic 0

Monday 17 September 2012 1:31

And the cat didn't do anything? What a pussy.

FaygoAndMiracles 18

Monday 17 September 2012 6:31

This FML almost seems like it is implying that would be a bad thing.

buckdharma 36

Monday 17 September 2012 10:31

let me guess.was the movie buffering?

neorok 5

Monday 17 September 2012 13:20

By any chance is the cat a Maine Coon, because that's one helluva big cat to give birth to, LOL

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 564

You deserved it 2 470

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 130

You deserved it 5 932

The Top

Today, at the office, my most annoying client asked me to send her a document. I have now sent it to her over 5 times, in a different format each time, and every single time she replies with, "Not in the requested format". She won't tell me what the requested format is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 332

You deserved it 4 406

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 541

You deserved it 49 960

Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 387

You deserved it 17 779

Today, my boyfriend and I got robbed. He was so depressed about all the stuff we lost, I decided to cheer him up with a lap dance. I told him to sit on a chair. We have no furniture left. He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 990

You deserved it 494

Today, my boyfriend posted pictures of him at the bar last night with his ex. And ones of them in her bed this morning. I guess we're sleeping with other people? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 136

You deserved it 2 141

Today, I sent my crush a confession about how dearly I missed him. He replied with a thumbs up emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 406

Welcome to the family!

Same thing different taste

CLAWS

Chatty cat

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