Intimacy: Today, while my husband and I were having sex, my cat decided... - FML

By boobear511 - 03/11/2014 00:26 - United States - Rancho Cordova

Spicy

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, my cat decided to join in on our moans by crying at the door the entire time. He stopped as soon as we finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 003

You deserved it 4 728

boobear511 tells us more.

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Monday 3 November 2014 17:08

The cat was outside the door, wanting to get in.

Another great day to be alive

Empathy lives

Own it

By Anonymous - 23/05/2015 03:44 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 881

You deserved it 3 381

By hahahah111 - 25/05/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, my mom was driving me somewhere. As we were driving she got mad at a motorcycle driver telling to "get the fuck off the road." In response, the driver decided to spit into my open window. His spit landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 672

You deserved it 4 248

By eirbear - 14/09/2018 18:30

Today, someone had explosive diarrhea in my bathroom at work and didn't clean it up. I'm the only female in the office and I have only one toilet with no window or fan, so I have to leave the door open to air it out. It's right beside the canteen. Everyone will think it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 849

You deserved it 117

Very smart

By Leauge - 28/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I woke up to find out my house was robbed. He didn't steal anything of value, but he stole my beer, dog, and cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 337

You deserved it 279

By EunJung - 04/11/2011 00:16 - United States

Today, at the nail salon, a Korean woman was making fun of me. I kindly told her, in Korean, that I understood. She kindly told me, in English, that she didn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 683

You deserved it 4 234

By E_Sauce - 24/03/2019 12:00

Today I went to the bank to get a jar of coins exchanged for cash via fancy counter machine. After 30 minutes I was handed a bag of rolling sleeves and was told to do it myself. Good news, I have a lot more money than I thought. Bad news, I have A LOT more coins than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 321

By jasonvanr - 10/05/2016 08:19 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, a woman kindly asked if she might take a photo of her son in our cowboy boots. Thinking it couldn't do much harm, I agreed. Ten minutes later there was a butt naked three year-old and his entire family taking pictures in my shoe store. My manager wasn't impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 703

You deserved it 1 517

By brittaneejanex - 02/06/2011 16:06 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my curious cat jumped in. She decided she really doesn't like showers and to avoid getting wet, used my naked body as a makeshift tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 663

You deserved it 4 613

By Anonymous - 24/05/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I confronted my fiancé and told him I knew his 'little secret'. I had suspected that he had been ruining his wedding diet by eating pizza at the office. He replied that the affair with his secretary had only been going on for a couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 942

You deserved it 7 969

By Anonymous - 28/12/2016 05:58

Today, while out with my family, I happened to run into "the one who got away." She smilingly introduced herself to my wife, who definitely noticed that she and our daughter share the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 570

You deserved it 7 880

By ksamp - 12/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, the man I love still thinks that female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 158

You deserved it 6 237

By Moeswifey - 24/10/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 342

You deserved it 4 518

By jnisla - 11/10/2013 22:44 - United States - Conway

Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 064

You deserved it 3 414

By Anyonexx0 - 14/04/2015 18:15 - United States - Washington

Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 731

You deserved it 3 754

By [email protected] - 03/01/2009 08:38 - France

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 615

You deserved it 8 219

By AlwaysTired - 14/09/2016 14:57 - United States

Today, marks the third time this month my parents came to visit. I moved 5 hours away to get away from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 070

You deserved it 1 521

Vibe check

By aussiegirl - 15/10/2020 08:02 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression after being severely bullied and harassed at my workplace. It was also today that my fiancée told me I was “creating really negative vibes.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 137

By ripdivine - 24/02/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 257

You deserved it 56 413

By seriouslystupid - 24/09/2009 00:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got it on for the first time with a guy I've been dating. He had to turn the TV up loud so that his mom couldn't hear anything. I'm 20 years old and I lost my virginity with Disney Channel blaring in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 475

You deserved it 23 019

When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Amanda Howard - 15/03/2020 09:00

Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 471

By mokki - 31/03/2015 12:56 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 206

You deserved it 3 505

By I-love-my-tea - 09/06/2015 22:30 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I had to show my ID to prove I was over 18. I was buying teaspoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 983

You deserved it 1 986

By leelee50 - 10/02/2009 01:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, my on-and-off boyfriend of 8 years asked me to cheer him up. I told him that I'm in love with him. He said "Oh, I just wanted a blowjob." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 084

You deserved it 9 549

By firedofbirthday - 14/02/2010 00:29 - France

Today, I was fired. Why? Because I called in sick on my daughter's birthday, even though you cannot "abandon work for personal affairs". My boss's favorite employee got to skip work on his wife's birthday two weeks ago. He still works here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 170

You deserved it 6 902

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 098

You deserved it 2 830

By nbj10 - 31/05/2013 22:42 - Singapore - Singapore

Spicy

Today, my dad went snooping on my laptop, and saw that I'd recently looked up 2 Girls, 1 Cup. It was out of morbid curiosity, but he thinks I'm into "satanic porn", and confiscated every electronic device I own. Now I have to sneak to the library just to check my emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 998

You deserved it 15 248

By Kalaina - 25/10/2009 04:36 - France

Today, I received a three-time forwarded message which I thought would turn out to be a random chain message. Turns out my boyfriend didn't want to send me the "break-up text" himself and figured it would get to me eventually after sending it to all my best friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 464

You deserved it 2 508

By acorn - 08/08/2009 23:59 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my mother making arrangements to go to a dinner tonight where I will be honored for my political activism. She made it clear she's only going for me, and does NOT support the gay rights group that is putting the dinner on. I was planning on coming out after dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 514

You deserved it 7 782

Kids

By really? - 28/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, I noticed my daughter’s sullen mood and asked if there was anything I could do to help. With tears in her eyes, she snapped, “Yeah, you can go back in time and keep that appointment you’d made at planned parenthood!” I never had such an appointment and her older brother is a mean asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 423

You deserved it 123

By thatgirl - 10/10/2011 07:16 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a respectable, successful, polite, and attractive guy. Ten minutes into the conversation, I find out he's a neo-Nazi and earned a swastika tattoo in prison for "something shady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 009

You deserved it 3 536

Cultural appropriation

By Christinne - 26/06/2021 04:01

Today, I had to explain to my mom what an 'LGBT ally' is and that it is entirely possible for a straight cis girl to support the LGBT movement. She thought I was a lesbian because I have rainbow colored and LGBT memorabilia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 505

Famous for something

By leaflady03 - 27/04/2021 00:30

Today, my mom won’t stop calling up all her friends and family and even telling complete strangers about my "bowel problems." Even at parties, she talks about my pooping habits every chance she gets. This isn’t what I want to be known for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 69

By Anonymous - 22/04/2013 20:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 944

You deserved it 8 432

By parker1993 - 03/02/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, while waiting for a job interview, a woman sat down next to me and asked if I was here for the job too. Thinking she was also an applicant, I tried to demoralise her, and said the job was going to be a complete joke. With that, she stood up and said, "Do you still want to go into my office?" She was the interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 855

You deserved it 76 451

By longdistancemyass - 11/08/2017 23:15

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is currently dating a girl who lives in Korea. We broke up because I was moving to a different part of the city for college and he thought the distance would be "too much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 982

You deserved it 288

That's a mother

By Anonymous - 23/02/2020 20:00

Today, my mom and I got into a fight about a topic we agreed on. Seems like we're destined to never get along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 487

You deserved it 302

By nicole - 22/09/2011 10:31 - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 290

You deserved it 5 408

By belieber101 - 17/03/2012 12:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I have been left home alone, the electricity has cut out, and I am petrified of the dark. I am stuck downstairs making karate noises every few minutes to scare off creepers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 940

You deserved it 13 814

By regrub - 10/01/2010 09:14 - United States

Today, ignoring the unspoken rule of not entering the bus when the driver's not inside, I went in while he was taking a break. As I stepped inside, he reached in the window and pressed the "close-door" button. It closed on my hand. Everyone at the bus stop laughed as I yelped in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 354

You deserved it 29 606

By craigtm029429 - 02/03/2012 00:47 - United States

Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 746

You deserved it 1 878

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Monday 3 November 2014 12:06

I guess your husband was pleasing two pussies at once! I'll show myself out.

weaponofchoice6 11

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Monday 3 November 2014 12:03

bahahaha!! OP, my cats do something similar, all 3 at them stand at our door and fall asleep in a pile.

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weaponofchoice6 11

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Monday 3 November 2014 12:03

bahahaha!! OP, my cats do something similar, all 3 at them stand at our door and fall asleep in a pile.

Greenteamextreme 16

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Monday 3 November 2014 13:09

My pet lorikeet likes to talk with me while im on the phone... except he doesnt know enough words to keep up so its mostly gobbledygook and sounds like he's drowning. He thinks he's people.

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Monday 3 November 2014 13:26

cat probably heard you "mmeow meow meow meeeeoooow" and came to see what you needed

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Monday 3 November 2014 15:28

You cata be kitten be right meow

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Thursday 13 November 2014 19:12

Pussy wants some action

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Monday 3 November 2014 12:03

That's disturbing, get your cat checked. And give him 'the talk'!

sayyestothedress 24

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Monday 3 November 2014 13:21

Maybe he thought you were being attacked or hurt and he was trying to come in and save you! If that's the case then that's very sweet if your cat!

RoboCunnilingus 23

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Monday 3 November 2014 20:59

Absolutely! I'm sure he already knows about the birds, but don't forget to teach him about the bees too.

thepersonyouknow 9

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Monday 3 November 2014 12:05

Cats like to have fun too!

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Tuesday 4 November 2014 9:06

His(cat) mocking you ?

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Monday 3 November 2014 12:06

I guess your husband was pleasing two pussies at once! I'll show myself out.

Earths_Venus 25

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Monday 3 November 2014 12:08

Sounds like a catastrophe waiting to happen. I'll let myself out.

Violet_Embers95 22

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Saturday 13 December 2014 7:21

Oh how I love bad puns.

coming back in the future 30

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Monday 3 November 2014 12:11

Maybe the cat wanted you to stop.

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Monday 3 November 2014 12:18

Haha maybe the cats jealous..

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Monday 3 November 2014 12:31

3some?

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Monday 3 November 2014 13:59

I could be wrong, but I don't think they're into bestiality.

Teddzz 19

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Thursday 6 November 2014 11:49

Ew

munchie_omnom 10

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Monday 3 November 2014 12:49

Often when I have sex with my girlfriend her cat drops by mid way just to get attention. That or lay down on the bed right beside us

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Monday 3 November 2014 15:23

My exs dog did the stuck her nose right in our faces to very annoying

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Monday 3 November 2014 23:15

I heard about a new thing for that... Actually two things: - a door - a lock And a key turned in the right direction would come in handy.

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Monday 3 November 2014 12:52

You still finished, though, despite the fact that your mating cries were irritating your cat. Oh how the tables have turned. At least your cat didn't throw a boot at you.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 85

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 87