If you had anal in the middle of the road you might get hit by a bus.

It's your biggest design flaw which your mother deeply regrets, but when she was assembling you, she was a huge Star Wars fan and wanted to pay tribute to the Death Star. Now, should anybody penetrate your exhaust port, a huge, empire-destroying explosion will ignite.

Does that mean you have the experience to know she's wrong?

100% of people who have anal sex will die, it's true.

You mean the secret to immorality is to abstain from anal sex? Damn...why does no one ever tell me these things?

You won't die, you just won't shit right for a month [1] [1] from the documentary film "Bad Santa."

to which the perfect response would be "My God, I'm a ZOMBIE?????"

Just tell her it hasn't killed you yet

You'll die eventually at any rate.

Can confirm that you won't die.........straight away.