Today, I ran into my mother-in-law, who I absolutely can't stand, with my car at 5 mph by accident. She jumped out in front of me after a particularly nasty argument, but my husband won't believe me and neither will the police. FML

Two in one

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

This is fine

Today, my mother-in-law threw bricks at my car. Her defense? I shouldn't have parked in her "brick throwing spot", in my own driveway. FML

Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML

Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about how bad of a driver I am. During that process she ran a red light and hit a car. FML

The Brian Harvey

Today, I managed to run over my own foot with my own car. FML

Road rage

Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog who had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML

Get back here!

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

Today, I tripped over a kid at work. She was sitting on the floor with her legs sticking out into the walkway. Her mom caused a scene, accusing me of doing it on purpose. FML