By Tiny_Nerd - 08/03/2016 15:00 - United States - Westwego

Today, my mother-in-law told me that God won't allow me to have a baby with my husband because we're both agnostic. Yet it seems God thinks her druggie daughter can have two just because she's a Christian. FML
I agree, your life sucks 19 064
You deserved it 1 442

Tiny_Nerd tells us more.

OP here. To clarify my husband and I have been trying to conceive for a year and three months. I had reasons prior to starting (inconsistent cycle, family history) to believe I might be infertile, but we wanted to wait a year and see. We're currently about to get checked out and tested to see what's what. This particular incident I was talking to my mother in law about the fact we haven't managed to conceive yet and her advise was to "pray to the Lord with all our hearts" for a baby. She knows very well that my husband and I are agnostic, so I reiterated to her (as I've had to do since I was in the dating stages with my husband) that we are agnostic and not inclined toward Christianity at all. Her immediate response was "that's why God won't give you(my husband and I) a baby". To be fair to her, I will say I've heard about her background and it was pretty abusive so this is a learned behavior (though it's no excuse). From what I've seen while she's not as bad as her parents, but she has some pretty abusive tendencies which has more than once resulted in bad fall-outs and drama; more often than not with women (males are not exempt) who are either in the family or connected by familial ties. She tends to be quite controlling and doesn't react well when people don't do what she wants. It's been suggested before that she get therapy, but she refuses as she thinks there's nothing wrong with her behavior. Everyone knows she's like this, no one likes it. As for this particular incident it was pointed out by my husband that this was her way of aggressively trying to convert us because that's her "Christian" way of loving; in her mentality it's for our own good. My husband did stand up for me when he found out. Her response was less than stellar. My husband loves his family (his mother too, even if he doesn't like her) and unfortunately you can't avoid his mother without avoiding the family as well. I do my best to avoid drama while still standing my ground and not letting myself get walked all over which isn't easy as you can see. As for my sister in law I won't go into specifics, but her children are going through a bad time (because of both their parents) and we can see how it's affecting them. My husband and I have been trying to think of ways we can convince their parents to allow us to have temporary custody till at least one of them can give them a stable environment (though to be frank I wouldn't mind if it was permanent). One last clarification: I have nothing against Christians. I'm actually a theology nerd (amongst many other nerdoms). I actually consider this type of "Christian" behavior an affront to what the religion is supposed to be. My husband and I had a discussion and we've decided due to this incident when we DO have children one way or the other (whether it be natural, from fertility treatments, fostering, or adoption) we will absolutely forbid his parents to talk about religion with them or around them at all nor will they be left alone with the children unless it can't be avoided (like if we had an emergency). If they try to do so anyway visits will be limited or cut off. We had already decided that it would be in our wills when we have children that his parents (among others in both our families) under no circumstances are to get custody if something happens to us.

Top comments

You should point out how while you are seemingly successful, her daughter is using "the Devils powder" or some bs like that

MikaykayUnicorn 36

Sadly that is how many Christians seem to be. I say this coming from a Christian family. If I ever decided to stop following the Christian religion, I would be shunned by my family.

Comments

Ask her what god loves about drug addicts.

delusional religious people are just that, delusional, and apparently ignorant on how biology actually works.

Even according to the same Christian religion the only human who knows what God thinks, likes etc is the Pope. For everybody else when they start telling you what God will do - God is not their errand boy. Easy tell them to sfu

I accidentally hit YDI and don't know how to reverse it

That's fine, you don't want kids anyway, I promise.

Tell her to knock it off or you'll both reject all deities and become atheists.

kittycat2007 18

Call cps and get your husbands niece/nephews out of there.

My husband and I are trying to talk to the parents to see if they will allow us custody. Other than that I'd rather not get into specifics about what can be, has, or will be done for obvious reasons.

OP here. To clarify my husband and I have been trying to conceive for a year and three months. I had reasons prior to starting (inconsistent cycle, family history) to believe I might be infertile, but we wanted to wait a year and see. We're currently about to get checked out and tested to see what's what. This particular incident I was talking to my mother in law about the fact we haven't managed to conceive yet and her advise was to "pray to the Lord with all our hearts" for a baby. She knows very well that my husband and I are agnostic, so I reiterated to her (as I've had to do since I was in the dating stages with my husband) that we are agnostic and not inclined toward Christianity at all. Her immediate response was "that's why God won't give you(my husband and I) a baby". To be fair to her, I will say I've heard about her background and it was pretty abusive so this is a learned behavior (though it's no excuse). From what I've seen while she's not as bad as her parents, but she has some pretty abusive tendencies which has more than once resulted in bad fall-outs and drama; more often than not with women (males are not exempt) who are either in the family or connected by familial ties. She tends to be quite controlling and doesn't react well when people don't do what she wants. It's been suggested before that she get therapy, but she refuses as she thinks there's nothing wrong with her behavior. Everyone knows she's like this, no one likes it. As for this particular incident it was pointed out by my husband that this was her way of aggressively trying to convert us because that's her "Christian" way of loving; in her mentality it's for our own good. My husband did stand up for me when he found out. Her response was less than stellar. My husband loves his family (his mother too, even if he doesn't like her) and unfortunately you can't avoid his mother without avoiding the family as well. I do my best to avoid drama while still standing my ground and not letting myself get walked all over which isn't easy as you can see. As for my sister in law I won't go into specifics, but her children are going through a bad time (because of both their parents) and we can see how it's affecting them. My husband and I have been trying to think of ways we can convince their parents to allow us to have temporary custody till at least one of them can give them a stable environment (though to be frank I wouldn't mind if it was permanent). One last clarification: I have nothing against Christians. I'm actually a theology nerd (amongst many other nerdoms). I actually consider this type of "Christian" behavior an affront to what the religion is supposed to be. My husband and I had a discussion and we've decided due to this incident when we DO have children one way or the other (whether it be natural, from fertility treatments, fostering, or adoption) we will absolutely forbid his parents to talk about religion with them or around them at all nor will they be left alone with the children unless it can't be avoided (like if we had an emergency). If they try to do so anyway visits will be limited or cut off. We had already decided that it would be in our wills when we have children that his parents (among others in both our families) under no circumstances are to get custody if something happens to us.

Good for the two of you! And don't give up hope of having kids. It took my husband and I nearly three years, but now we're due with baby #1 in September! Don't let your mother-in-law get you down! Doesn't sound like she is, but still. You sound like reasonable people, here's to hoping you get pregnant sooner rather than later!

Nice explanation OP. That woman sounds a lot like my mom, though I think you have it worse. My wife and I aren't religious either and it drives my mom up a wall. We wouldn't get married in a church nor get our daughter baptized. Our reasoning is irrelevant and the best she can say is it makes us "a lousy couple and lousy parents and shed pray for us." Sigh ...

I'm sorry that you have to go through that. I'm pretty sure we'll have to deal with that when it comes, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

I was about to say she doesn't sound very Christian and neither does your sister in law

MikaykayUnicorn 36

My parents were told for years that my mother was infertile and would never possibly be able to have children, but here she is now with 2 of her own children. Don't give up if you really want kids, and if you just cannot have your own, there are many, many kids in need of loving homes.

Don't give up on trying, OP! It took my parents trying for 9 years before my sister was born, my dad was 41.

yellowzinnias 20

Good for you, keep standing your ground OP! I am from a very fundamentalist, conservative family. I am now in therapy because of what my aunts (who are particularly bad) put me through. As an example, one of them slapped me across the face when I was about 8 for having to #2 in a gas station restroom because it was, "dirty" and "dirty [slur] do that, not good Christians." (Did I mention racist? SUPER racist.) I recently made the decision to move many states away because I don't want any children I may have to be raised near them. I am also agnostic (perhaps not surprising after my experiences with "Christianity") so I totally get it.

I've never understood that method of trying to convert people. Telling me that your god is a petty, vengeful god doesn't really sell the idea of worship to me. There's a great saying. you know you've made a god in your own image if he hates all the same people you do.