Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex quite aggressively....

By mallycat14 - 25/6/2015 16:26 - United States - Middleton

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex quite aggressively. Towards the end, he lifted his hips off the bed and then headbutted me in the nose. The only thing that came today was blood all over my new bra. FML

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mallycat14 Say more :

Hi guys I'm the person that posted this and the reason my bra was still on was because it was a quickie . And we didn't really have time to get completely undressed lol . And no one came because my nose bled everywhere. And on top of that we had no paper towels so I had to use one of his shirts to stop the bleeding right away. And he head butted me on accident . His hips went up too fast and I basically fell into his face....

Intimacy

The best cat

Relationships sink

Headache

By anonymous - 7/6/2009 06:18 - Korea Republic of

Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML

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By beanpole - 19/12/2016 19:34 - Canada - Canning

Today, I had to cancel plans to go to the movies with the guy I've had a crush on for months due to a sudden case of the flu. This was already rescheduled from yesterday, when I had to cancel due to bad weather (after he had already left home). He thinks that I'm just making excuses not to see him. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/3/2014 16:30

Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a smurf. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2013 23:12 - United States - Hollywood

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

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By josh - 23/1/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to my ex. This afternoon I notice that they had accepted, and had left a message for me in my inbox. Asking how they knew me. FML

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By StillTooYoung - 20/1/2013 13:13 - United States - Louisville

Today, I was discussing with my husband how it was time I stopped taking birth control so we could have a baby. He looked at me and said sincerely, "We're a little young to be having kids, don't you think?". He's 35 and I'm 32. FML

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By loveade11 - 12/1/2010 19:28 - France

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

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By Beard - 8/11/2016 11:14

Today, I shaved my beard that I wanted to grow for winter, into a goatee for a Skype interview. On the day, the interviewer only used audio. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2013 14:22 - United States - Audubon

Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML

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By bfall74 - 31/5/2011 22:35 - Canada

Today, I was stood up by a blind date. After calling and texting her about being a horrible person, she called me from the hospital. She was in a car accident. FML

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By HereToLaughAtU - 18/11/2014 04:16 - United States - Des Moines

Today, a customer said the pants she was buying rang up more than advertised. I quietly told her plus-sizes were not on sale. The customer yelled in front of a whole line of people, "So I'm fat and can't read! Any other insults you'd like to throw at me?" and stormed out of the store. FML

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By Lonelyhopeful - 5/12/2016 20:08

Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML

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By nolife - 29/12/2011 12:03 - United States

Today, I was so bored that I began searching for videos of people popping their pimples. FML

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By itwasmyfavoriteshirt - 16/8/2012 19:28 - United States - Bentonville

Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML

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By rippedoff - 4/3/2010 14:09 - Australia

Today, I found out that the man who sold me my car 6 months ago lied about it being "recently serviced" and "in excellent condition". It actually hasn't been serviced in years, and fixing all its problems is going to cost me $900 more than what I paid for the car. FML

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By loser - 19/10/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, while in class, a cute boy came up and asked me for my number. I giggled and wrote my phone number on a piece of paper and told him to call me sometime. He gave me a weird look and walked away. He was asking which number math problem I needed help with. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2014 15:03 - United States - Chelan

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

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By hating labels - 23/10/2012 08:21 - Australia

Today, at breakfast, my sister labelled me a "feminist." My whole family now refuses to talk to me for more than 30 seconds, and acts as though I have an incurable, highly contagious disease. FML

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By - 19/12/2018 13:00 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I had a meeting with HR that resulted in me being dismissed for poor performance. I was confused because up until that point, my line manager had said my performance was exemplary. Turns out it wasn't, and he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to be stressed. FML

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By rawdoglyfe69 - 17/4/2013 06:14 - United States - Helena

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

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By Leo_RxXx - 26/5/2009 12:18 - United States

Today, I was getting off of work, talking to my boss and I asked if I could get a ride home, since my usual ride was too lazy to come get me. He said, sure, but to be really careful since he just had his car detailed. I was getting in the car, tripped and threw my hot cocoa all inside of his car. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2012 14:52 - United States - Medway

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

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By Damnit - 25/12/2018 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today I noticed a large crack in my windscreen. 2 weeks after getting it replaced. The warranty doesn't cover cracks. Several attempts were needed to replace it last time for reasons like losing the new windscreen and telling me they can't make it that day and turning up any way after going out. FML

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By robbed - 14/10/2010 02:25 - United States

Today, I realized I was happy because we finally started having friends come visit us after months of not having company. I also realized that our secret stash of money was stolen last night while we had company. FML

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By chewybarseventy - 24/8/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

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By sadbride - 26/10/2012 03:58 - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, 60 guests for my wedding were supposed to arrive to the Bahamas. The first and only hurricane of the season decided to crash my wedding, stranding my mom, maid of honor and best man. No one will be able to attend my wedding, except the other drunken hotel guests. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2016 21:54

Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML

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By PlayTag - 5/2/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

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By ufhdafuhds - 19/3/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

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By singleagain - 15/5/2012 01:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, saying that the only thing he would change about me is my last name. I later told him that I wanted to keep my last name after the marriage. I'm now single again. FML

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By not the scalpel - 15/9/2012 07:36 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML

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By adopted - 3/3/2014 15:55 - United States - New York

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

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By dummy - 17/2/2012 00:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML

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By emperor - 21/7/2009 05:38 - Bangladesh

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

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By Stevejobs - 26/11/2018 17:30

Today, after realizing I had 130 unused vacation hours, I requested two weeks off. My vacation time was denied, but my boss still gave me the time off. So I don't have work for 2 weeks, all unpaid. FML

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By NocturnalFox - 25/8/2015 19:46 - Czech Republic - Plzen

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Right before the date, I noticed a monstrous pimple in the middle of my forehead. I covered it with make-up, but it was still visible. The guy spent the whole evening laughing at me and telling me that I look like an unicorn. FML

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By fufu_mutt - 15/12/2010 04:24 - United States

Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML

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By dating a fucking idiot - 8/9/2012 19:16 - United States

Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML

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By Zuzubat - 5/9/2013 23:29 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a soon-to-be-ex co-worker flew into a rage when she saw she wasn't on the schedule for next week. The boss told her it's because she quit. She reminded the boss she wants to keep working part-time. My new job is inventing tasks for her to do to keep her calm. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2014 22:11 - Sweden - Lidk?ping

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

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Top comments

By Benmantha | 31

#6332068 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:32

..did you keep your bra on..? o_o

By myanichole | 22

#6332072 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:32

Maybe it's telling you not to wear a bra during sex

Comments

By daken96 | 21

#6332067 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:31

Shame on him. The bedroom is never the time to immitate 50 Shades of Grey

asgartner | 6

#6332083 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:39

wtf

A07 | 48

#6332088 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:41

Wasn't that the Red Room?

daken96 | 21

#6332116 - Thursday 25 June 2015 20:06

Not when you're wearing clothing you like #17 ;) It's a select clothing only zone.

praesidiem | 16

#6332166 - Thursday 25 June 2015 21:03

#1 are you sure the bedroom isn't the right place? When I tried to imitate 50 shades of grey at Barnes and nobles, the police told me the bedroom was the right place???

mazbry | 9

#6332381 - Friday 26 June 2015 1:22

It's also possible she had one of those babydoll things on, or just a really nice bra! Either way who are we to pass judgement on it

Slasher2977 | 19

#6332565 - Friday 26 June 2015 6:54

50 shades wasnt real bondage, it is garbage like that that causes the demonization of BDSM

By Benmantha | 31

#6332068 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:32

..did you keep your bra on..? o_o

Migole | 36

#6332137 - Thursday 25 June 2015 20:29

It's possible that it was just lying on the bed and simply got into the way. Or she was wearing a dress and he only removed her panties etc.

annarcheer | 19

#6332174 - Thursday 25 June 2015 21:17

If she was wearing a dress she would have said it got on her dress also.

Zebediabolical | 37

#6332206 - Thursday 25 June 2015 22:28

Or she could have grabbed the first thing at hand to staunch the bleeding. Which just happened to be the new bra.

Rosebudx | 32

#6332264 - Thursday 25 June 2015 23:37

I sometimes keep mine on, especially if it's a particularly sexy one.

lexwilder | 16

#6332474 - Friday 26 June 2015 4:42

cute bras need to be shown off!! They're too expensive to hide them.

mustangbravo | 27

#6332601 - Friday 26 June 2015 8:00

Sex bibs. It's a thing.

organolithium_fml | 9

#6332681 - Friday 26 June 2015 9:38

She's in the US. As dictated by movies and tv-series, women must either wear bras or they must do it under L-shaped bed sheets.

HopeDawn | 13

#6334813 - Sunday 28 June 2015 21:17

You've never been to America before, have you?

By YellowGray | 4

#6332069 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:32

Why were you wearing your bra during sex?!

barfcannon | 24

#6332077 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:35

Sometimes things get heated rather quickly, or there's a time crunch, or her boyfriend sucks at taking bras off, or maybe she's not comfortable with her boobs. All sorts of reasons.

IWishIWasObama | 12

#6332078 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:35

The exact reason why I hit ydi

Migole | 36

#6332132 - Thursday 25 June 2015 20:27

Maybe she didn't wear it but it was lying next to her? Like they undressed quickly and just threw their clothes on the bed, they moved during the sex and the bra ended up under/next to her?

Krypt1c | 11

#6332141 - Thursday 25 June 2015 20:31

thank you for having some intelligence #10 and #26

Jowisee | 29

#6332208 - Thursday 25 June 2015 22:31

Or her bf has a thing for lingerie?

Aimeejasmine | 15

#6332885 - Friday 26 June 2015 17:23

Who doesn't have a thing for lingerie

a1_z9 | 10

#6332946 - Friday 26 June 2015 19:02

I hope one day all the people on here remarking on her keeping her bra on get to experience being so eager to hump someone that fully undressing is low on the list of priorities!

tomvertigo | 17

#6333140 - Saturday 27 June 2015 0:28

She may haze such giant gozongas that abrupt, fast sex hurts em?

By aliezzo | 19

#6332070 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:32

What a bloody mess

By clumsyninja13 | 21

#6332071 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:32

Why were you even in bed?

patts_ | 23

#6332212 - Thursday 25 June 2015 22:34

Where were they suppose to be?

danimal_crackerz | 26

#6332226 - Thursday 25 June 2015 22:52

In the OTHER sex room, shouldn't you know by now?

By myanichole | 22

#6332072 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:32

Maybe it's telling you not to wear a bra during sex

llamingo | 8

#6332233 - Thursday 25 June 2015 22:58

I would up vote this but I don't wanna ruin the +69

By brycemash | 9

#6332073 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:32

Poor bra

By Unbearable_fml | 21

#6332074 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:33

I hope he apologized.

By igg125 | 30

#6332076 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:34

A bra is meant to hold your breast up in place, which is not necessary during sex.

elusiveshame | 22

#6332099 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:47

You don't say...

Aimeejasmine | 15

#6332886 - Friday 26 June 2015 17:27

I'm pretty sure she knows the function of a bra... Not everyone feels comfortable without one, especially if their breasts are quite large, since it's painful if they're bounced a lot. Not everyone has sex the same way jfc it might've just been a quickie

By jenjen2633 | 17

#6332079 - Thursday 25 June 2015 19:35

Hey if they're having "aggressive sex" then maybe it's a kink for her to wear a bra during sex. Or she's insecure about her chest. Or maybe they're so passionate that they didn't bother taking her bra off.