Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML
Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML
Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going really well until I noticed a bug on my interviewer's lower neck. I shouted that something really disgusting was crawling on him. It turns out it was his big hairy mole. FML
Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML
Today, I was with my kids. We saw a tiny little bug and they started freaking out. Trying to show them that bugs are not scary, I picked it up. It bit me and now I have to go to the doctor because my hand is the size of a balloon. FML
Today, I realized that the "pimples" on my back weren't pimples at all. Because I was unable to see how bad they were for the last week, I never caught on to the fact the they were, in fact, ticks. FML
Today, I noticed I had a dead gnat stuck on my chin. This was after an hour-long appointment with a good looking doctor. FML
Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML
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Top comments
ChenEighty 20
Next time he wants a *******, tell him it's too "icky".
photoquilty 6
Did you punch him? I would've punched him.
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Comments (85)
Bano360 25
"Moley moley moley"
shitsville 13
MOLE!
dontpanic_fml 32
They are not! What ticks have you been dealing with!
DocBastard 40
Be careful - wood ticks can carry various diseases like Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. No, seriously. Make sure you get that checked. Your husband was obviously bitten by a tick carrying Rocky Mountain Spotted Asshole.
BlackRogue 8
Lol that's the best comment I've ever read on this site! Any new blog posts, Doc?
ambitiousnygrl 17
Haha! Yeah, I was going to say to get checked for lyme and call the husband a prissy ass for being too grossed out to remove something that has the potential to kill. But you pretty much beat me to it!
hooligyn123 18
I need to update all my social media profiles Hero sections to read: Kevin Spacey, Wolverine and now: DocBastard. seriously.
ninjalovin 8
This kind of behavior just ticks me off
Attica 20
How ridiculously immature for a grown man... lying like that. On the upside, ticks are best removed by doctors, because you have to make sure you get every last ridiculously tiny piece of the insect in case it does not come out whole. Believe me, it is worth it to have it dealt with properly. I have a tick-borne disease much like Lyme Disease (Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever), and it can ruin your life. Good luck, OP.
dontpanic_fml 32
He should still man up though
superdom 12
It's better the doctor take it out than him so the head doesn't get stuck and cause more of a problem but his fault for not saying it
Shanny2224 21
FYL OP your husband needs to grow a pair. Ticks are gross but possibly getting a disease from one because he was too afraid to remove it from you, that's even worse.
Shade1982 21
You don't get a disease from having a tick, only from removing it incorrectly... So technically, if he wasn't comfortable with removing it, letting the doctor handling it was pretty much the sensible move anyway. He still should have just told her about it though... Scaring someone with a mole getting larger and changing color, which could potentially be skin cancer, is not funny.
love_me_electric 20
The disease comes from the ticks saliva. If you remove it incorrectly, it will inject saliva (or worse, the head will break off and all the saliva will leak out). But it's just as bad to not remove it at all, because the tick will constantly release saliva while it's feeding.
LyraAlluse 25
Next time something happens to your husband do the same thing. If he asks you why you didn't tell him, explain that you didn't want to miss the irony of the situation.
fester 15
Get it off! Quick! The clock is TICKing!!!