Intimacy: Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused... - FML

By Oops - 26/09/2011 15:35 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 938

You deserved it 7 833

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

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Same thing different taste

By fishruinsex - 08/12/2010 08:46

Spicy

Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 352

You deserved it 5 999

Moving

By happyasaclam - 19/02/2009 00:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 078

You deserved it 6 037

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 05:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 669

You deserved it 5 063

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 677

You deserved it 9 280

By horny21 - 21/02/2010 08:19 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 503

You deserved it 4 030

Expectations

By Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 210

DJ Perfectionist

By ImOverHere - 02/09/2012 16:56 - United States - Whitehouse

Spicy

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 019

You deserved it 3 103

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Spicy

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 718

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 538

You deserved it 5 710

Libido

By Jena - 05/08/2022 01:00 - United States - Portland

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 332

Next

Top comments

CryMoreFMLs 14

Monday 26 September 2011 19:10

Fun Sized: Not so fun for everybody. Warning: Funsized might be too small to handle.

every1luvsboners 11

Monday 26 September 2011 19:10

It was tucked into his shoe. It's an old trick so that it doesn't fall out of his pants leg and drag on the ground.

Comments

ScarletBloom 14

Monday 26 September 2011 19:59

You just wasted your money on the movie.

JinxosGirl87 0

Monday 26 September 2011 20:00

He must be a grower rather than a shower...

barbiebitches 0

Monday 26 September 2011 20:27

ummmm... right.... lol

Jimboom 11

Monday 26 September 2011 20:38

YDI for dating Ken

thinkingatheist 8

Monday 26 September 2011 20:40

It was hibernating!!

megan_lovee 0

Monday 26 September 2011 20:48

lmao sometimes small is fun

OneHungLo_1984 3

Monday 26 September 2011 20:49

Hahahahaha sucks for ya'll lol. That's why i love being italian. my girl finds it everytime with no problem :)

killakiwi 1

Monday 26 September 2011 21:39

WTF is this even supposed to mean?

amit93 4

Monday 26 September 2011 22:06

I bet you dont even have a girlfriend because you are so stupid. Your comment makes no sense...get a life loser

poppaof6 0

Monday 26 September 2011 22:25

Means he buys big trucks, big jewelry, and has a big ego to over compensate for his teeny weenie.

hook_em 0

Monday 26 September 2011 23:39

That's because he fistpumps pushups and chap sticks every day FPC!!

tweetbaby14 18

Tuesday 27 September 2011 20:15

Cool story bro.

FunnyAssJas 0

Monday 26 September 2011 20:52

Warning, putting small objects in your mouth can cause unsatisfaction and lead to a search for a new significant other.

Oo_Random_Here 5

Monday 26 September 2011 21:01

Maybe the OP just mistook the testes for the actual dick? Or couldn't find out which way it was because it was over jeans or something thick presumably?

Poliahputz 0

Monday 26 September 2011 21:10

maybe hes more a grower then a shower haha

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The Top

Today, I'm a graduate of a wealthy public school in So Cal. It astonishes me how many of my classmates don’t see a problem with today’s politicians, or gas, rent, and food prices. I was given shelter but had to earn everything I had growing up. I knew I wasn’t crazy though they acted like I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 106

Today, I met up with a guy from Bumble for a first date. An hour in, he asks me, "What's your take on body odor?" He proceeds to tell me about his intimate relationship with his body odor and how his armpits take on the scents of his lovers' lady bits. He added that the "essence" of his ex often returns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 61

The Top

Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 606

You deserved it 27 507

Today, I clogged the toilet at my boyfriend's house. I couldn't fix it and was too ashamed to say anything. I can't handle confrontation, so I had to just sit there as my boyfriend's brother ended up getting blamed, then grounded for "lying" about it not being his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 766

You deserved it 14 013

Today, I learned how hard it is to remove peanut butter from your own eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 032

You deserved it 24 179

Today, I called my ex-husband to tell him our daughter was missing (the police have since found her, she’s fine) and he told me not to bother him with shit like that, because she’s my responsibility since she chose to live with me after the divorce. He then hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 229

Today, my mom sold the car I've been working on for the last few years for 100 dollars. To buy gas for her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 798

You deserved it 2 799

Today, my friends convinced me to go on a "short" hike. Little did I know, they're actually all avid hikers, whilst I'm more of an "indoor enthusiast." I've now been climbing a never-ending hill for hours, hallucinating about my cozy couch, and praying for a miracle to deliver pizza to the summit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 308