Intimacy: Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused... - FML

By Oops - 26/09/2011 15:35 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 972

You deserved it 7 848

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Same thing different taste

By fishruinsex - 08/12/2010 08:46

Spicy

Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 381

You deserved it 6 009

Moving

By happyasaclam - 19/02/2009 00:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 115

You deserved it 6 058

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 05:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 710

You deserved it 5 072

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 727

You deserved it 9 316

By horny21 - 21/02/2010 08:19 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 557

You deserved it 4 043

Expectations

By Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 226

DJ Perfectionist

By ImOverHere - 02/09/2012 16:56 - United States - Whitehouse

Spicy

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 067

You deserved it 3 111

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Spicy

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 805

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 618

You deserved it 5 730

Libido

By Jena - 05/08/2022 01:00 - United States - Portland

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 345

Next

Top comments

CryMoreFMLs 14

Monday 26 September 2011 19:10

Fun Sized: Not so fun for everybody. Warning: Funsized might be too small to handle.

every1luvsboners 11

Monday 26 September 2011 19:10

It was tucked into his shoe. It's an old trick so that it doesn't fall out of his pants leg and drag on the ground.

Comments

ScarletBloom 14

Monday 26 September 2011 19:59

You just wasted your money on the movie.

JinxosGirl87 0

Monday 26 September 2011 20:00

He must be a grower rather than a shower...

barbiebitches 0

Monday 26 September 2011 20:27

ummmm... right.... lol

Jimboom 11

Monday 26 September 2011 20:38

YDI for dating Ken

thinkingatheist 8

Monday 26 September 2011 20:40

It was hibernating!!

megan_lovee 0

Monday 26 September 2011 20:48

lmao sometimes small is fun

OneHungLo_1984 3

Monday 26 September 2011 20:49

Hahahahaha sucks for ya'll lol. That's why i love being italian. my girl finds it everytime with no problem :)

killakiwi 1

Monday 26 September 2011 21:39

WTF is this even supposed to mean?

amit93 4

Monday 26 September 2011 22:06

I bet you dont even have a girlfriend because you are so stupid. Your comment makes no sense...get a life loser

poppaof6 0

Monday 26 September 2011 22:25

Means he buys big trucks, big jewelry, and has a big ego to over compensate for his teeny weenie.

hook_em 0

Monday 26 September 2011 23:39

That's because he fistpumps pushups and chap sticks every day FPC!!

tweetbaby14 18

Tuesday 27 September 2011 20:15

Cool story bro.

FunnyAssJas 0

Monday 26 September 2011 20:52

Warning, putting small objects in your mouth can cause unsatisfaction and lead to a search for a new significant other.

Oo_Random_Here 5

Monday 26 September 2011 21:01

Maybe the OP just mistook the testes for the actual dick? Or couldn't find out which way it was because it was over jeans or something thick presumably?

Poliahputz 0

Monday 26 September 2011 21:10

maybe hes more a grower then a shower haha

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The Top

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of a sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House MD was on. He'd stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 441

You deserved it 15 287

Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 448

You deserved it 4 858

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 584

You deserved it 3 205

Today, while I was on a field trip with my son, my husband decided to get rid of our dog without asking anyone. Now I get to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, and he thinks he did nothing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 915

You deserved it 3 023

Today, after I inherited 300 grand last year and blew it all on drugs, I'm now kicking myself in the ass for not blowing it all on drugs AND hookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 892

Today, I was on the treadmill at the gym, when I felt my pants start slipping. I tried to pull them up, but lost my balance and fell face-first onto the floor. When I go to my wedding tomorrow, half the guests will probably think I've exchanged my fiancé for Chris Brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 471

You deserved it 4 666