Miscellaneous: Today, I was sent to the principal's office because I refused... - FML

By Deaf - 02/07/2015 18:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sent to the principal's office because I refused to take my earbuds out. Those "earbuds" are my hearing aids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 239

You deserved it 1 833

Stop talking!

Mother of the year

Fundies say the darndest things

By sifa - 10/04/2009 07:06 - Malaysia

Today, I went for a lunch interview for my dream job. The interview was great and at the end, I tried to seal the deal by complimenting my future boss. I said, "You're really hardworking. Do you always work on a Saturday?" He looked at me, smiled and then wrote something down. Today's Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 811

You deserved it 59 774

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, my serious boyfriend was talking about how he wants to get engaged and married. I was really happy until he said he's excited mainly for the tax benefits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 352

You deserved it 4 329

By Really - 10/06/2015 01:59 - United States - Middletown

Today, my professor let a guy into my philosophy class 30 minutes late because his excuse was, "Time is just an illusion." This is the same professor that kicked me out of the classroom for being 2 minutes late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 626

You deserved it 2 988

By NotSoSexy - 26/11/2009 00:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly told me it was sexy, so I continued while making obscene gestures and moans. Suddenly he began to look nervous. I turned around to see my dad looking at me, disgusted and confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 371

You deserved it 30 176

Go to your OWN rooms!

By Cheryl - 03/05/2021 05:01

Today, It's funny that I'm paying so much more money for a 3 bedroom apartment so my kids can each have their own rooms, and both kids have been camped out in my room for weeks. I'm a single mom who doesn't get any child support. What did I leave my 2 bedroom for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 196

By Oops - 14/01/2010 15:55 - United States

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 751

You deserved it 33 006

USA! FUCK YEAH!

By dinkley7 - 20/03/2021 21:30

Today, at work, I had to tell someone to put out a cigarette. He yelled at me saying it’s a free country. I work at a gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 56

By Kml - 14/11/2016 12:31

Today, and like every year, my godmother sent me a card asking me why I never call her, and why we don't go out on my birthday. Six years ago, she told me on my birthday I was going to hell for moving with my boyfriend and then sprayed me with perfume. He is now my husband, and she claims she forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 373

You deserved it 689

Narcissus

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 17:00

Today, my friend isn't speaking to me since I came out to her. Not because she's a homophobe, but because she's mortally offended that I didn't confess my love in the process. Seems that everyone who's attracted to women should be attracted to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 86

Grades go both ways

By tomandjerry - 21/05/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was scolding my 8 year-old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight "A"s like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair. When I asked why, he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 896

You deserved it 66 404

By notacashier - 03/07/2014 12:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 580

You deserved it 28 403

By Matchtopia - 18/01/2012 00:21 - United States

Today, I was addressed by name by the liquor store clerk. I've never told him my name. He's just seen my ID many times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 243

You deserved it 30 159

By grovage - 03/05/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, a repairman came to fix my couch, which is under warranty because the frame had broken in multiple places. To ensure I got a new couch out of the deal, I stabbed multiple holes into the cushion. The guy fixed the frame, but said there was nothing he could do about lacerations on the sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 725

You deserved it 80 237

Driving me mad

By Username - 06/07/2010 22:21 - France

Today, at the crack of dawn, I started a 700-mile road trip with my three children. So far, I've stopped four times, settled several arguments, cleaned up spilled yogurt and melted silly putty. 130 miles down, 570 to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 015

You deserved it 12 674

By okaydisarray - 04/07/2015 02:31 - United States - Dayton

Today, my husband's 70-year-old uncle came for a visit. Since we only have 2 bedrooms, we set him up in our daughter's room. Later, I glanced into the room and saw him masturbating in her bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 737

You deserved it 2 786

By SADlilAZN - 17/02/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I made a couple videos of me playing guitar and singing some of my favorite songs. I arrived back from school to find my family huddled around the cam-corder laughing, imitating, and making jokes about the video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 754

You deserved it 8 597

By Anonymous - 24/07/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, it was hot out, so I opted to stay cool and wear my bathing suit all day. My mom took it as me rubbing in the fact that I'm thinner than her and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 797

You deserved it 5 636

By WTF - 22/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 508

You deserved it 19 378

By legallyblondemad - 29/08/2009 19:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the park with my new boyfriend. We were sitting between some trees, when some of his mates turned up at the park. He pushed me behind a tree so his mates wouldn't see and went to join them in a game of football. He pretended not to know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 846

You deserved it 5 267

By Charlayyyy - 16/12/2010 02:30

Today, in art class, we made plaster masks. We were supposed to put Vaseline on our partner's face so the plaster didn't rip their facial hair out. My partner forgot to put it on my eye brows and eye lashes. My face is now completely hairless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 588

You deserved it 7 264

Pushy

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 22:02

Spicy

Today, I went on a date with my crush and I was so desperate to impress him, I talked him into a blowjob, after he turned down full sex since it was only a first date. He asked me to stop halfway through, because apparently I have bad technique and hurt him with my teeth. He left. I’m such an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 1 576

By Aeare_ - 17/09/2016 04:15 - United States - Dixon

Today, it was my 21st birthday and I invited a handful of my best friends over. They all stood me up and I drank alone in my apartment. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 457

You deserved it 1 225

By anon - 31/07/2014 03:12 - Canada - Goderich

Today, my father tripped over the dog and hit a wall. He was so convinced his arm was broken that we waited for 3 hours in emergency to find out he had a bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 731

You deserved it 3 415

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 10:27 - Australia - Box Hill South

Today, in thanks for my assistance, a customer recommended me a plastic surgeon who could "really help with that face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 853

You deserved it 2 528

By british_babe - 05/10/2013 17:51 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was reminded that while I have a nice waist, bum and boobs, I'm unspeakably ugly. I was walking down the street when a guy wolf-whistled from behind me, and when I turned around, he visibly recoiled in disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 037

You deserved it 4 300

By Hooperist - 25/05/2015 11:39 - United States - Murrieta

Today, while sick with the flu, I had the police called on me by my older neighbors downstairs. They thought I was hosting a party at 3 in the morning. I was really just throwing up constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 002

You deserved it 1 837

By Anonymous - 17/03/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 899

You deserved it 4 032

It's a pillow soft for my neck

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 21:01 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, while tucking my toddler in bed and telling her I love her, she responded with, "And I love your bouncy castle belly!" I know I'm overweight, but I didn't think I was that fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 151

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 07:55 - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 599

You deserved it 4 554

By T3kM4n - 20/09/2016 06:08 - United States - Spokane

Spicy

Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 816

You deserved it 1 219

Capitalism kills

By malicemassacre - 21/03/2020 15:00

Today, the county I live in is quarantined. My boss announced that, "We keep working until the government says they will shoot us if we leave the house.” We work in a call center. Not essential at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 15/04/2015 14:32 - United Kingdom - Kettering

Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 189

You deserved it 3 013

AKA the Oskar Deutsch look

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 652

You deserved it 76 611

By NotYourLady - 04/09/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I think he is a really great kid but I'm 17 so it would never work out. He said okay. When his parents came home he told them that I hit him and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 853

You deserved it 3 656

By Oops - 04/07/2014 17:35 - United States

Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 938

You deserved it 43 476

By Pon - 23/01/2017 18:00

Today, my girlfriend bought me a new hockey jersey and donated my old one. My old one was signed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 242

You deserved it 498

By Peachtree - 04/06/2018 15:00

Today, I learned that the super cute guy I've been dating for the last 4 weeks is a total gross slob. His house was like a garbage skip, literally ankle deep in garbage, pizza boxes, old crud, and filth. It stank of cat urine and there was poop residue in his toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 608

You deserved it 447

By explainer - 08/11/2011 17:54 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why it is inappropriate for her to go skinny dipping with her male friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 157

You deserved it 7 416

By redeye - 19/09/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, my younger brother decided it would be funny to put rubbing alcohol in my contact lens case while I had them soaking overnight. I didn't realize this until I put the first one in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 597

You deserved it 2 441

By Angry - 04/08/2009 20:21 - United States

Today, I found a pair of women's underwear in the laundry that wasn't mine. I confronted my boyfriend about it. They were his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 828

You deserved it 7 158

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Top comments

XxReddragonxX 7

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Friday 3 July 2015 0:26

how can they not tell the difference?

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Friday 3 July 2015 0:27

What did the principle say? Talk to your teacher about her behaviour, and if she does anything like this again, report her.

Comments

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Friday 3 July 2015 0:26

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Friday 3 July 2015 1:59

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Friday 3 July 2015 2:54

Why, what did he say?

Friday 3 July 2015 3:23

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

piiiiiou_fml 12

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Friday 3 July 2015 4:14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Friday 3 July 2015 4:39

#34 You're a teacher arent you?

feven 32

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Friday 3 July 2015 6:30

Hopefully not an English teacher.

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Friday 3 July 2015 6:47

Well, since we are throwing out generalizations. Let's see how this one is received. Typical Americans, how stupid can you be?

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Friday 3 July 2015 16:16

Typical earth dwellers, how stupid can you be?

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Friday 3 July 2015 17:04

His first comment was edited. That is what the hate is all about.

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Friday 3 July 2015 20:01

Get those gosh darn radios out ya ears!

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Friday 3 July 2015 20:39

#75 I'm not american soooo. Plus theres a difference between racism and you know not being a racist twat.

XxReddragonxX 7

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Friday 3 July 2015 0:26

how can they not tell the difference?

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Friday 3 July 2015 4:38

Probably because of the surgence of Bluetooth headphones, and the fact that the teachers probably "shoot first, ask questions later".

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Saturday 4 July 2015 20:55

Idk. I have a pair of black earbuds that hook around the ear so they don't fall off when I'm running. They have been mistaken for hearing aids before, too. Maybe that's what the teacher mistook them for.

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Friday 3 July 2015 0:27

What did the principle say? Talk to your teacher about her behaviour, and if she does anything like this again, report her.

mexican_music 13

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Friday 3 July 2015 4:19

It was just a misunderstanding

Dick_diamond 22

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Friday 3 July 2015 5:10

Principal *

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Friday 3 July 2015 6:12

Why do you automatically assume that the principal is a girl?

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Friday 3 July 2015 16:22

You have to assume one or the other.

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Friday 3 July 2015 17:01

Not necessarily, "they" and "their" are commonly accepted gender neutral pronouns by all but the most anal retentive English-speaking people nowadays.

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Saturday 4 July 2015 17:44

He didn't. He assumed the teacher was a girl. If you are going to complain get your facts right.

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Saturday 4 July 2015 20:58

Actually, it is very annoying in professional writing to not establish a gender. Even if you're wrong, it is better to say "she said," instead of "they said." At least according to my freshman year English teacher, who would knock down a letter grade if a gender wasn't established. Weird stuff

TheInvisibleOne 31

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Monday 21 December 2015 7:17

Sorry you had an ignorant asshole for a teacher. Not everyone is male or female.

Emma Marshall_738558922 12

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Sunday 30 December 2018 11:18

How do you know it was a she 🤔

Emma Marshall_738558922 12

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Sunday 30 December 2018 11:19

No. We're talking about the teacher they keep referring to as a she or her. I don't care that much but wanted to complain anyway

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Friday 3 July 2015 0:27

Well, you deafinitely did not hear that one coming.

MikaykayUnicorn 36

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Friday 3 July 2015 0:29

Someone is going to miss the joke and correct your spelling, guaranteed.

gte225 11

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Friday 3 July 2015 0:41

I was about to do it until I read your comment.

tj4234 35

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Friday 3 July 2015 0:44

#4 Definitely. Just kidding

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Friday 3 July 2015 2:27

Looks like my evil plan of making my ear buds look like hearing aids won't work.

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Thursday 5 January 2017 11:30

actually he would because he didn't take them out

igotds 16

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Friday 3 July 2015 0:29

Were your hearing aids made by Doctor Dre?

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Friday 3 July 2015 5:49

You get props for trying

gallifreyanqueen 10

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Saturday 4 July 2015 6:38

#68 your pic totally gits your comment

CommentKing207 23

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Friday 3 July 2015 0:29

Couldn't you get proof from a school nurse that they're hearing aids? And anyways, don't hearing aids look different than ear buds? Some people are ridiculous.

15Erik 21

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Friday 3 July 2015 0:29

Let them wear the hearing aids, max the reception and enjoy their pain.

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Friday 3 July 2015 0:30

Put them in their mouth

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Friday 3 July 2015 2:04

what would that solve?

A07 48

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Friday 3 July 2015 2:08

world hunger perhaps?

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Friday 3 July 2015 8:06

or voice modulation

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Friday 3 July 2015 0:30

Wow that sucks. Idiot teachers.

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Friday 3 July 2015 0:31

Next time they are talking turn them earbuds off and keep on doing you . How ignorant can people be ?. My question is why didn't you just tell them they were hearing aids? If you did and they still sent you , they need to have have a write up.

Kikiers21042 18

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Friday 3 July 2015 10:24

Right!? If she was my daughter (I'm hard of hearing so I understand) I would be furious and bitching the school out. In America teachers get letters letting them know that this kid is hard of hearing or deaf this teacher must not like her.

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Friday 3 July 2015 15:41

82 it could've been a substitute teacher that didn't know the students well.

Kikiers21042 18

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Sunday 5 July 2015 22:49

I really hope it was a substitute teacher! :/

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 36

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 89

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 760