Today, I was at the orthodontist. As the lady was clipping my... - FML

By BracesSuck - 9/4/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I was at the orthodontist. As the lady was clipping my brackets, she missed and clipped my gums instead. She looked at me and said, "Oh sorry, you're bleeding really badly. See, I got these fake nails put on and I guess I'm just not used to them. Let me try again." She missed. FML

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Rock, hard place

Call CPS!

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

By Anonymous - 5/2/2010 21:07 - United States

Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to pick me up for our first date. He shows up with his son, whom I never knew about, and takes us to Chuck E. Cheese. FML

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By veebenjoo - 28/6/2011 05:35 - United States

Today, I got asked out for the first time in my life. During a prank call. By a complete stranger. FML

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By zuper_duper - 29/8/2009 22:20 - United States

Today, after six months of dating, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because my "obsession" of being on the computer and playing games all the time was cutting into "our time". She then told me to "get a life" and never wanted to see me again. She told me all of this on WoW. FML

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By bwoolf96 - 10/9/2015 12:32

Today, in the early hours of the morning, I woke up in sleep paralysis, hallucinating the sight of children hanging from the ceiling. Now I'm scared to sleep. FML

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By Rachael - 24/8/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I wondered why the cashiers at my local chip shop were being so unusually friendly and knocked money off my bill. Then when I got back to my boyfriend's house, I noticed my bright red bra shining through my black top like a light. I debuted my tits for some chips. FML

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By FuckSteakNShake - 6/6/2017 16:00

Today, I was fired, all because I asked my manager for help on the line when we were short staffed and he was on his butt in the office. He said it wasn't his job to help us. Apparently, asking your manager for help when you're busy gets you fired. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2012 01:37 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML

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By wtf - 3/2/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year old boy, and an 19 month old girl. I was chasing them around the house having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change the 3 year old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML

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By Noname - 13/3/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. After being upset for not hearing my car alarm go off I realized it had in the middle of the night. I had woken up and cursed the idiot who set off their alarm and put a pillow over my head, falling back to sleep shortly after. FML

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By INside - 2/8/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

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By Emily27 - 20/1/2012 11:56 - United Kingdom

Today, like every other day, my boss referred to my breasts as pillows he needs to nap on. FML

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By Oh_Well - 11/10/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML

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By farrahfarrest_ - 2/7/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor. I told her I felt down all the time. She asked me a few questions and she told me I was depressed. She suggested to go home and find the sources of my depression. When I told my parents, they started laughing and said "Yeah, right." I think I found my source. FML

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By iwantaraise - 14/10/2015 01:55 - Australia

Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML

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By reallyman__639 - 13/12/2011 12:26 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

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By Sarah - 17/12/2012 12:25 - United States - Statesboro

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2015 08:01 - United States - San Jacinto

Today, while at a party playing Truth or Dare, I found out my best friend fantasizes about having sex with my 51 year old mother. The rest of the guys at the party then nodded in agreement and thus spawned a group conversation about how "screwable" my mom is. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 15:44 - Canada - Sydney

Today, while buying paint, I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told me what a nice young lady I was. Then her boss came over, screamed at her for being lazy and fired her. She cried. So did I. FML

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By Sun_Kissed18 - 9/7/2014 07:26 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

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By hardee fucking har yourself, sir - 7/8/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2010 07:22 - United States

Today, I switched cell phone carriers and got the plan where you can call or text any five people for free. The employee asked for my five, I could only come up with one, my mom. FML

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By familypet - 9/1/2016 03:09 - United States - Vista

Today, I overheard my parents talking about our family pet. Or at least I thought they were, until my mother exclaimed, "Honestly, I don't know why we keep her." Our dog is male. FML

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By fail - 16/2/2011 23:16 - United States

Today, at the library, somebody left themselves logged in to Facebook on a public computer after they had left. Trying to teach them a lesson, I updated their Facebook status to something outrageous. That's when they came back to the computer after getting something from the printer. FML

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By norestforthewicked - 19/4/2011 04:30

Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren't going over too well with my subconscious. FML

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By Mojo0608 - 2/11/2014 21:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML

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By Respect101 - 26/6/2014 00:20 - United States - Alvin

Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2011 07:27 - South Africa

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2010 13:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, someone caused over $400 worth of damage by breaking into my car, just to steal $8 worth of beer. FML

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By Lost... - 6/3/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, after leaving work at 10 pm, I took a shortcut to the highway. After getting lost, my GPS informed me that the service was unavailable and I should try back in an hour. This occurred moments before I ran out of gas. FML

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By slingshot - 7/9/2010 05:53 - United States

Today, I was waiting to speak to a customer service salesman in a store. To pass time, I was playing with a rubber band. The rubber band shot off and hit the salesman smack in the face. FML

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By ayye_its_nikki - 19/12/2012 05:07 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

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By Duckie W - 13/2/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML

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By unwanted - 11/8/2009 20:31 - Canada

Today, I told my mom about how my friend is going to China for a year instead of college. My mom suggested that I could do the same. When I told her that a trip to China is probably more expensive than my college tuition, my mom replied, "Not for a one way ticket". FML

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By maddiebauer - 26/7/2012 14:48 - United States - Plainfield

Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML

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By pops up - 1/12/2011 22:25 - United States

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

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By jemstuff - 22/8/2010 06:28 - United States

Today, at work, I stopped in my boss/boyfriend's office to find him getting intimate with a girl. He then tells me that he is cheating on me, that he is dumping me, and that I am fired. Oh, and he is keeping the cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2018 07:00 - United States - Fort Collins

Estoy Poopin

Today, I cracked my back while pooping at work. It was so bad I had to go to the hospital and get carried out of the toilet by paramedics. A $4,000 bill later, my coworkers will not shut up about how funny it is. FML

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By smiles - 3/12/2014 01:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a performance. I have to go bra-less to wear my gown and I didn't want any peek-a-boos. I asked my boyfriend to bring "large band-aids" without telling him why I needed them. He brought waterproof, top-notch tough ones. They're still stuck to me, and are not coming off anytime soon. FML

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Top comments

By Uconnrunner | 0

#97097 - Thursday 9 April 2009 23:24

You should probably sue that bitch

By babble | 0

#97098 - Thursday 9 April 2009 23:25

I hate being "worked on" (dentist, physical therapist, etc.) by people who are incompetent or not careful.

Comments

By f_this_noise | 0

#97093 - Thursday 9 April 2009 23:24

OWWWW! FYL

Reply

nopeace4me | 0

#504174 - Friday 21 August 2009 7:37

That is what I fear most when going to the orthodontist for my braces. Now I feel a whole lot worse

Reply

maddieguinn | 0

#981566 - Monday 19 April 2010 0:50

oh well get ovr it

By Uconnrunner | 0

#97097 - Thursday 9 April 2009 23:24

You should probably sue that bitch

Reply

nopeace4me | 0

#504180 - Friday 21 August 2009 7:40

Omg! What did you do to her? That's what I fear most when it comes to someone working on my braces. I wouldn't her try again without taking those nails off!!

By babble | 0

#97098 - Thursday 9 April 2009 23:25

I hate being "worked on" (dentist, physical therapist, etc.) by people who are incompetent or not careful.

Reply

yessiee123 | 0

#1005123 - Monday 24 May 2010 9:08

mee too

By mtlxpimp | 0

#97103 - Thursday 9 April 2009 23:26

i would of slaped her right in the face

Reply

Infamous_Hawk | 6

#2980447 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 16:47

slapped*

Reply

mbusey | 20

#4747281 - Sunday 29 July 2012 13:14

Would have*

By AlexC_fml | 0

#97104 - Thursday 9 April 2009 23:26

why the fuck did you let her try again?

By lnm701 | 0

#97115 - Thursday 9 April 2009 23:30

My mouth hurts just reading this. I hope after the second time you wised up and asked for a different person to work on you.

By hockeygirrl18 | 0

#97120 - Thursday 9 April 2009 23:31

ouch.
id hit her.
and she should get fired + she should have taken those damn nails off after the first time she effed up.

By McLaughlane | 0

#97125 - Thursday 9 April 2009 23:32

I'd have told her to get her hands the fuck out of my mouth if I were you.

By resawins | 0

#97144 - Thursday 9 April 2009 23:36

OWWWWWWWWWWIE!!!! i'd be fucking pissed! i hope you yelled at her and got someone else to finish. sorry dude!

By Adamantoise | 0

#97151 - Thursday 9 April 2009 23:38

Bite her finger when she inspects your teeth? Or cough/spit in her face 'on accident'?

Even better, start drooling uncontrollably and make her clean it up.
That'll teach that bitch a lesson or two.