Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML
Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML
Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house and had to go to the bathroom. While peeing, I had a cough attack. The cough shook my body, making me pee all over my pants. My girlfriend's parents just arrived. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I wanted to kayak. On the way, I told him I had to go back to our hotel because I needed the bathroom and didn't want a public one to smell. Once back in the elevator at the hotel, it got stuck. For an hour. I pooped myself and had to wait 40 minutes after that for help. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house, dying to pee during a thunderstorm. Ran to the bathroom, but it was occupied. A huge thunderclap scared me pretty bad. When the door finally opened, my girlfriend's mom walked out, laughing. I realized the thunder scared me into peeing my pants. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
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Top comments
azcardinals1307 2
I find it weird that they'd observe how long you took in the bathroom...
DynamicDave 11
I'd be pissed if that happened to me. I mean urine their home as a guest, your comfort should be number 1. I think they just flushed away any dignity you had left. It doesn't get much bladder than that.
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Comments (113)
HerpYourDerp 7
What a supportive family. She's a keeper!
WaSiSimiLang 8
Only take a bow if you pwned the world record time if not that would only be an insult to yourself
False_Stupidity 42
So.. What IS the world record for the longest piss... Anyone?
tweetypie 18
The longest piss delivered at one continuous scoot was one of 36 mins 24secs by Mr Jon Dixon (GB) in the doorway of a newsagents shop in Bracknell high street on 22nd December 1986. Mr Dixon was arrested and charged with a public order offence 17 mins into his record attempt, but arresting officers had to wait a further 19mins 24sec before taking him back to the station for a kicking.
Jamicianprince 1
How the he'll
perdix 31
Maybe they thought you were jacking off and were happy is was without their daughter?
dirtyfivethirty 0
When guys pee everyone can hear it. They would definitely know how long you peed. Must have been impressive, I give you props.
Cali_Girl_Jess 3
did it sound like a symphony or something?
frankwolf86 0
that is so epic... I would have been like YEAH and jump up with ky fist raised triumphantly and frozen in midair... yep
poazul6789 0
hahaha loooool! that must of been so embarrasing for u! and wtf for 1# pic?
cmayo 3
I'd be delighted if I got an ovation for my pissing power. Why are you complaining?
mishkaroni 15
Do I forsee an fml for you regarding kidney stones or a kidney infection for holding you pee in?