Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML
Today, I caught my stylist in the mirror attempting to get his colleague to laugh by spitting on my head while washing my hair. FML
Today, I gave a speech at my friend’s wedding. I spent weeks perfecting it, making sure it was funny but heartfelt. When I finished, I dropped the mic dramatically. It bounced off the table, hit the best man in the face, and the cable knocked his drink all over the bride’s dress. FML
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Today, my sister took me out shopping for my birthday and had been drinking a Monster the whole day. Halfway back home, I took a sip of it and she screamed, but it was too late. I had drunk the phlegm that she spat into the can earlier. FML
Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML
Today, while eating lunch, one of my friends told a joke that made everyone at the table laugh. Apparently, the guy standing behind me overheard and was laughing too. So much in fact that he spewed the red Gatorade he was drinking all over the back of my white shirt and hair. FML
Today, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning. As the dentist was working on my teeth, he accidentally sprayed water all over my face. I couldn't stop laughing nervously, which made the dentist think I was choking. He ended up calling for backup and I had to explain that I was just laughing. FML
Today, I was greeting some guests when I fell into the tray of tea and biscuits in front of them, with two cups of tea directly drenching my hair. They didn't laugh, they didn't chuckle, but my sister was laughing too hard and too much. I now smell like tea. FML
Today, my sister shaved a chunk of my hair off while I was sleeping. I'm getting married in three days. FML
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Top comments
FYLDeep 26
That bitch! I hate it when they spit it up instead of swallowing it.
emilyaust 8
you shouldve turned around, taken a drink and spat in her face. then you'd be even.
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Comments (88)
perdix 31
YDI for trying to upstage your sister on her big day! Nobody will be looking at you, that is, when they are sober. After the groomsmen get loaded, they'll start a betting pool to see which one can nail you.
stillxsearching 3
umm, what? have you ever been to a wedding? all bridesmaids get their hair done. not the day before b/c that's just dumb, but the day of. it's not about "upstaging the bride," it's about looking nice in the pictures that the bride will have forever instead of ruining her pictures by looking like a slob. get a clue.
perdix 31
Back off, lady! The bride does make the bridesmaids wear fruity looking dresses that cannot be worn anywhere else without derision, so the idea that she needs to look better than them is the truth. To the extent that she'd want them to have ratty hair is a comedic exaggeration, and I have a license to do that.
abdel_fml 0
in other not-so-eloquent words, **** you still searching
l0ri3 0
eww! you so deserve it though for thinking you can go to a comedy club and a wedding the next day with your hair being ok. I've never left a comedy club without my hair smelling like smoke.
microgoddess 2
exactly!
haitilover 0
Y would u do ur hair a day b4 u do it the same day dipshit
SarahBearXoX 0
If she's black sometimes it takes all day to do their hair, so she'd have to have it done the day before...dipshit.
boatkicker 5
Even if she wasn't, maybe OP has things to do before the wedding, to help get things set up and what not, and just didn't have time. Or maybe it's a morning wedding.
abdel_fml 0
yeah **** you haitilover although you do have nice **** so I can't get too mad at you lol I wanna motorboat them lmao
ericaax3 0
wow, that does suck.
deidre823 7
I would have thrown a drink in her face, told her to watch what she's doing, & left.
NikoEggert 0
damn your hot
SkullCanddi 0
Bitchh Slap?
OLPfan 0
I saw that one comin
foxy1222 0
you shouldn't of been at a comendy club then always think everything and anything is possible like what happened their and please don't tell me that was her baclerorette party???
teacher411 0
Who gets their hair done for a wedding that's happening the following day??
starberries 0
I was thinking the same thing. Was she going to sleep sitting up so nothing messed up her hair?