Miscellaneous: Today, I returned home from a two-year trip overseas. My mom's...

By JabberWocky54210 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I returned home from a two-year trip overseas. My mom's first words as she greeted me at the arrivals terminal of the airport were, "Your father and I are getting a divorce." FML

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JabberWocky54210 tells us more :

Hey guys, OP here. She immediately apologized after, but the damage was done. Like a couple of you said, Mom didn't want me to be upset during the last couple of months of my trip. I'm 18 and was on an exchange program, so I wasn't there for most of the development up to this statement. It's difficult, but I could see very quickly that my parents weren't happy. Things are better now, with Mom here in New Zealand and my dad in the States. Sorry to all of you who have been through this as well.

Miscellaneous

And today, on Dr Phil…

Our house, in the middle of our street

Age difference

By ThePopeMan - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she started moaning and breathing heavily. I thought she was getting hot and was about to cum. Unfortunetly, she soon said, "I'm bored, let's play a board game." She was sighing, not moaning. FML

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By nubbins - Canada

Today, I got a message from my ex saying how sorry he was for everything he did. He also said that if he wasn't getting married and having a kid we could still be together. We broke up a year ago. FML

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By mel - United States

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

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By Noname - France

Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay. FML

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By AmericanDream - United States

Today, after recently moving to America as I've always dreamt of, I saw my first, majestic deer. My boyfriend slammed it with the rental car. FML

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By coughandcold - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

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By Gbeat411 - United States

Today, I went to boxing and this hot chick asked me if I was wearing a sports cup. I replied yes, when I wasn't. I thought she was going to check with her hand and feel. She checked with her knee. FML

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By Neverthebride - United States

Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML

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By lug_nut - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML

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By elow72 - United States - Nashua

Today, I woke up at 3:45 AM to fly to Pittsburgh to sample classes at a university there. After all that flying and sitting in traffic for 2 hours, I finally got to attend to my first class. I fell asleep during it. FML

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By inthecold - United States

Today, I went to a party 40 minutes away by bus with some friends. We missed the bus, waited half an hour for the second, and arrived just in time to hear the policemen say, "Party's over. Get outta here." FML

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By GeofftyGeoff

Today, my former boss, a landlord, came through on his "parting gift" to me. I thought he was joking when he said he'd send a deranged tenant of ours cross-country by bus to stay with me for a week. It wasn't a joke. Send help. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Call Mario

Today, I was making out with a guy in a washroom at a party. Things got heavy and the guy lifted me onto the sink. The sink broke off from the wall. This caused a flood in the apartment. The party was canceled. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2021 20:01

Time to get over it too

Today, I pretended to be sleeping when my dad came to check on me. I’m not talking to him. Why? Because my mom died in January and he already has a girlfriend he says he wants to marry, she's going to be my step-mom. I’m 31. FML

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By DrunkGirl - France

Today, I went on a date with an awesome guy. I got super hammered and punched him in the face. FML

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By unlovedd - United States

Great talking to you

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By CutePenguin - Canada

Today, I returned to my university residence following spring break. I was greeted by a letter stating I'd been caught on camera vandalising a wall repair. At the time in question, I was asleep on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The REZ coordinator is avoiding me, and I can't clear my name. FML

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By "Sam Fazackerley"

What a shame!

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet while sitting on it using the phone, I have a stomach bug and diarrhea. FML

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By Anonymous

On Target, almost

Today, I was walking through Target when I was pulled aside by a very attractive girl who began kissing me. She stopped, because I wasn't who she thought I was. Disappointed, I turned around to see her very angry, very large boyfriend behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - Mayotte - Mamoudzou

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

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By FLkiki

All or nothing

Today, I found out I didn’t get a job because I'd flashed the owner whilst drunk. Guess my tits weren’t better than my resume. FML

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By wellfuck - United States - Lexington

Today, I realized I get more pleasure watching YouTube videos of people lighting their farts on fire than I do from making love to my husband. FML

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By notevencatnipworks

Today, as every day for the past three weeks, my girlfriend's cat kept us up from 3:30am crying nonstop. We've tried everything, and even exiled my well-behaved cat to keep him company. Now she cries because she feels she's being punished. Starting around 4am. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was watching wrestling videos on YouTube, when my little brother walked in. Later, my little brother told my parents that I was watching naked men on my computer. They won't stop thinking that I was watching gay porn. FML

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By everyonesdivorced - Iraq

Today, my husband of five years told me he's leaving me and will be gone when I return from Iraq. When I told him I love him and asked him not to go, he said he won't file divorce papers just yet, but he's moving out-of-state because "we need time apart." I've been gone for most of the year. FML

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By Nice 2 inch - Canada

Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML

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By WorstMedicalBill - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

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By Dino - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

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By Adan - United States - Monroe

Scary

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

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By Anonymous - Norway - Bergen

Today, I got in a minor car accident because my mom had to check how many likes her last photo on Instagram had while driving. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 23:01 - Germany - Zittau

Suffer little chives

Today, I found out where the puddle in the basement came from. I thought the freezer was broken, but no. My mom is running what can only be called a death camp for vegetables in there. She buys them, then forgets about them until they turn liquid. FML

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By Zedscar - United States - Martinsburg

Today, my 8-year-old nephew told me he liked the way I smelt. Apparently I smell like "cat food and cheese." FML

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By veggocake - United States

Today, an old friend that I never really liked invited me to lunch while she was in town. While driving back to her car, I couldn't find my phone, so she offered to call it. She found it under the passenger seat and also saw that when she called, her name came up as "Sabrina-IGNORE". FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I forgot my phone on the roof of my car. I took a 30 minute drive from my friend's city to my city. I got on to my driveway, surprised to see my phone still there. Thinking I'm really lucky, I pick up my phone. Then, I trip over a pebble, cracking my phone in the process. FML

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By caltech - United States - San Jose

Today, I applied for a job as a secretary. As I sat in the waiting room, the interviewer came out with his wife. She gave me a once-over, then said to her husband, "Hire this one. She's so ugly, you would never have an affair with her." FML

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By no one - United States - Dallas

Today, my house caught on fire. The firefighters said that it was caused by a lit cigarette on the carpet. I don't smoke, but apparently my 13 year-old son does. FML

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By Confused

Today, I woke up 2 hours early to go to the physical therapist my doctor referred me to. She did confirm physical therapy will help, but she doesn't treat my issue. She’s also the only person in my city who takes my insurance. FML

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By prettybich - United States

Today, I am severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

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Top comments

By Pwn17 | 25

#5545209 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:35

Man that sucks. Way too blunt. Sorry OP.

By coried91 | 28

#5545220 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:39

Damn, my parents did that to me after I delivered my first child. It's one of those huge moment spoilers. I'm sorry they greeted you like that. Welcome home!

COMMENTS

By Pwn17 | 25

#5545209 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:35

Man that sucks. Way too blunt. Sorry OP.

lulubelles | 33

#5545226 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:42

She probably just wanted it out in the open. My mum was so nervous when she told me, I felt so sorry for her.

Pwn17 | 25

#5545232 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:46

Still, there's a time and place for saying that, and immediately telling her after not seeing her for 2 years as soon as she arrives is a little messed up.

Pwn17 | 25

#5545252 - Friday 21 June 2013 13:07

Also, I'm sorry to hear about your parents divorce. Mine are too. :(

lulubelles | 33

#5545258 - Friday 21 June 2013 13:19

I was 24, and it had been on the cards for a while so I wasn't at all surprised. Sorry to hear about yours too

By Ambient25 | 24

#5545211 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:35

Considering it was a two year trip, I don't think you're a kid anymore. Sorry about your parents OP, but it happens. Mine have been for some time now...

Kuhu1993 | 21

#5545747 - Friday 21 June 2013 21:02

No matter how old you are it always will suck if your parents are getting divorced. OP is old enough to understand and handle the situation better than a 12yr old kid ofcourse but it still is sad news.

Carmstro | 13

#5545830 - Friday 21 June 2013 22:55

OP could have been an exchange student, but kid or not it sucks because they were probably looking forward to a joyful "welcome home!" rather than hearing bad news

By grahmagog | 14

#5545214 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:36

Oh....

arsenicalhumor | 30

#5545717 - Friday 21 June 2013 20:33

Is that so? How fascinating, I felt the same way so I just selected, "I agree, your life sucks". But your comment, I found it so intriguing that I decided to write one just as spectacular!

By coried91 | 28

#5545220 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:39

Damn, my parents did that to me after I delivered my first child. It's one of those huge moment spoilers. I'm sorry they greeted you like that. Welcome home!

By kozzard | 17

#5545221 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:39

"Why hello there, Mom. I've missed you too. The flight was... wait, what?" That's kinda how I see that conversation going.

By Cazz91 | 21

#5545222 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:39

Better now than later to be told I suppose.

RedPillSucks | 31

#5545417 - Friday 21 June 2013 16:19

like the candy, it sucks now AND later.

johnnie254 | 7

#5545537 - Friday 21 June 2013 18:38

and how exactly is that "better"???? tell me, oh smart one??

By Ranimal | 12

#5545228 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:44

Wow, a bit forward but maybe she just couldn't hold it in. Who knows. Sorry OP.

By jenna_rae6 | 4

#5545238 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:53

I bet she was holding that information in so long to let you have a good trip that she couldn't hold it in anymore.

buckeyed | 20

#5545340 - Friday 21 June 2013 15:13

i agree; it was probably painful for her. sucks it happened then but you can probably bet she was trying her best

By mixinitup | 12

#5545240 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:55

You would think she could've at least waited until she said "Hey" or "I missed you".

By Joe9024 | 20

#5545246 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:59

As hard as it is to hear that as soon as you get home, would you've rather hear it during your trip OP? That I bet that probably would've ruined your good time..