Miscellaneous: Today, I returned home from a two-year trip overseas. My mom's...

By JabberWocky54210 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I returned home from a two-year trip overseas. My mom's first words as she greeted me at the arrivals terminal of the airport were, "Your father and I are getting a divorce." FML

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JabberWocky54210 tells us more :

Hey guys, OP here. She immediately apologized after, but the damage was done. Like a couple of you said, Mom didn't want me to be upset during the last couple of months of my trip. I'm 18 and was on an exchange program, so I wasn't there for most of the development up to this statement. It's difficult, but I could see very quickly that my parents weren't happy. Things are better now, with Mom here in New Zealand and my dad in the States. Sorry to all of you who have been through this as well.

Miscellaneous

Commando

Higher standards

This ain't working out

By Ughhhhh - United States - Stockton

Today, I purpose woke up early so that I could be prepared for a class taught by a professor who thinks I'm an idiot. This professor was the first to tell me that I'm 2 hours early and asked very slowly if I know how schedules worked. She seriously sounded concerned. FML

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By GeeThanksMom

Today, I’m having knee surgery. I can’t drive for the next week because of the heavy duty pain killers, so my mom told me I'll have to walk to and from school. It’s only a couple of miles. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2020 17:00

The View

Today, my boyfriend refuses to do doggy style anymore because I, and I quote, "have a weird looking butthole, it’s not dirty or anything, it’s just the strangest butthole I’ve ever seen, it’s really distracting." So now, I’m not only self conscious about my small boobs, but my ugly asshole too. FML

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By SofiMarti - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, my mom was named principal of the school I go to. FML

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By Disappointed Mom - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was supposed to be enjoying a long-anticipated, desperately needed, weekend away. Turns out those "little stomach twinges" were actually symptoms of appendicitis. I'm stuck in the hospital, alone, recovering from surgery, while my family is enjoying our non-refundable break. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I threatened to break up with my boyfriend over the Trolley Games in Toontown Rewritten for trying to sabotage my scores. We're 24 and 26. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML

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By Ihavethickthighs

Today, and for the past week, my boyfriend joined me on my walks. He's recently gotten into photography and is now intent on tracking down a rare bird that he never sees but always hears. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's the sound of my thighs rubbing together. FML

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By kenneth

Today, I had to drive 40-odd miles to my grown-ass son's house to kill a large spider on the wall. It had him trapped in his bedroom because his wife had already gone to work. How did I ever raise such a wuss? FML

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By edwinduarte1 - France

Today, I noticed that the walls of my apartment are ridiculously thin, when I heard my neighbor slowly walk up the stairs, slam the bathroom door, lift the toilet cover, take a pee and end with a nice "AAHH." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, someone thought it would be funny to switch the signs on the bathroom doors. Fortunately, I knew which was the men's and went on in. The startled old woman inside, however, did not. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 23:01

Fake News

Today, I’m not sure what to call it, but I think I just got COVID-SWATted when a bunch of police turned up to my house after someone told them I was partying with over 50 people, breaking social distancing. In a one-bed flat, with barely enough room for 3 people to sit down at the same time. FML

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By Crampon - United States

Today, I called my mom to tell her: "Mom, I finally got my period!" There was an awkward pause. She was at work. I was on speakerphone. FML

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By cootiequeen - United States

Today, at work, a lady approached me asking if I'd found a used cloth diaper on a table, and I told her it was probably in the trash. She said "That's okay, I can wash it." So I searched through several bags of trash, and when I couldn't find it, she said "Oh never mind! It's in my bag." FML

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By Foolish - United States - Los Altos

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend one last chance at fixing our failing relationship. Instead of talking about how to fix our dying relationship, he decided to game all day and ignore me. FML

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By thanks, my fellow americans - United States - Woodlyn

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML

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By WeakerThanaLittleGirl - United States

Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on my chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, my 11-year-old daughter came over and banged out 12 of them. Then she wiped her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on my technique. FML

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By freezingggg - Reserved

Today, like always, my parents are such tightwads that they refused to turn the heating system on, despite the ball-freezing temperatures. I was so cold, I had to resort to warming my hands up over the toaster. FML

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By problems - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML

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By musicyman55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend who I love very deeply dumped me two times, over the phone. The first time was to dump me. She then called me back a couple hours later explicitly to dump our friendship. I was just friend dumped. FML

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Fact of scratching

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellevue

Today, an old guy with a cane got up in my face for "mocking" the way he walked. In retrospect, I guess it is pretty offensive for me to have had knee surgery and still be recovering from it. My apologies. FML

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By whoops - United States - Huntingdon

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I had cheated on her. She didn't tell or get mad, oh no. She looked at me for a few seconds then burst out laughing and called me a liar. FML

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By pissedoffexgirlfriend

Today, I went to go surprise my long distance boyfriend at college 7 hours away. As I opened his apartment door, I saw him on the couch fucking his “study buddy”. FML

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By NotChadKrouger

The Voice

Today, I was auditioning for a talent show. I asked my girlfriend if I could sing to her before I went. She said sure. Thirty seconds in, she got up and mumbled, "You're only going to embarrass yourself." FML

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By Anonymous - India - Tuticorin

Today, my fiancé and his family accused me of being with him only because he's rich, refusing to go ahead with the wedding. I accepted his marriage proposal 4 years ago, when he was penniless and unemployed. FML

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By Unfortunate - Canada

Today, my boyfriend had a Christmas party for all of our friends. He asked me not to get "too drunk". I think throwing up on the floor while simultaneously peeing your pants fit his definition. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Panic attack

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML

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By dawg - United States - Stuart

Today, I found out that the "IRS scam" that I ignored last week was actually not a scam, and now I have a warrant out for me. FML

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By OnPlanetVenus - United States - Hallam

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

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By jonnah - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend I love him. His response? "Is that why you have been so clingy and annoying lately?" FML

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By Jaided_Genetics - Canada - Kingston

Today, I finally addressed why my boyfriend started calling me "love bug" since we haven't used pet names in the entirety of our 2 year relationship. His response? "because I love you but you bug the shit out of me. It seemed appropriate." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML

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By iJuli - United States - Billings

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be a good idea to break up with me in his car. I had to walk home. FML

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By darkrebel01 - 21/4/2020 02:00

Caught in the act

Today, I found out how fast my dad's reaction speed is. I was coming downstairs and sat next to my dad on the couch to show him something I did in a class. He was on an adult website and didn't notice I was coming into the room until I was sitting next to him. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was reading a book, and my severe OCD makes it impossible for me to look up from reading if I haven't finished the page. This includes times like when my mother is frantically calling for help after falling off a ladder. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Cambridge

Today, my boyfriend had a tantrum because I didn't like Black Sabbath as much as him. Apparently our entire relationship was based on him thinking I did. I've now been labeled "The Queen of Lies." FML

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By wasteoftime

Today, I went to a job interview. I never applied for the job, they'd sought me out, had a phone interview, and sent samples, all before the face-to-face interview. Turns out none of the people I met with had even read my resume or writing samples. I was told I might not be a good fit. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

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Top comments

By Pwn17 | 25

#5545209 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:35

Man that sucks. Way too blunt. Sorry OP.

By coried91 | 28

#5545220 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:39

Damn, my parents did that to me after I delivered my first child. It's one of those huge moment spoilers. I'm sorry they greeted you like that. Welcome home!

COMMENTS

By Pwn17 | 25

#5545209 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:35

Man that sucks. Way too blunt. Sorry OP.

lulubelles | 33

#5545226 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:42

She probably just wanted it out in the open. My mum was so nervous when she told me, I felt so sorry for her.

Pwn17 | 25

#5545232 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:46

Still, there's a time and place for saying that, and immediately telling her after not seeing her for 2 years as soon as she arrives is a little messed up.

Pwn17 | 25

#5545252 - Friday 21 June 2013 13:07

Also, I'm sorry to hear about your parents divorce. Mine are too. :(

lulubelles | 33

#5545258 - Friday 21 June 2013 13:19

I was 24, and it had been on the cards for a while so I wasn't at all surprised. Sorry to hear about yours too

By Ambient25 | 24

#5545211 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:35

Considering it was a two year trip, I don't think you're a kid anymore. Sorry about your parents OP, but it happens. Mine have been for some time now...

Kuhu1993 | 21

#5545747 - Friday 21 June 2013 21:02

No matter how old you are it always will suck if your parents are getting divorced. OP is old enough to understand and handle the situation better than a 12yr old kid ofcourse but it still is sad news.

Carmstro | 13

#5545830 - Friday 21 June 2013 22:55

OP could have been an exchange student, but kid or not it sucks because they were probably looking forward to a joyful "welcome home!" rather than hearing bad news

By grahmagog | 14

#5545214 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:36

Oh....

arsenicalhumor | 30

#5545717 - Friday 21 June 2013 20:33

Is that so? How fascinating, I felt the same way so I just selected, "I agree, your life sucks". But your comment, I found it so intriguing that I decided to write one just as spectacular!

By coried91 | 28

#5545220 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:39

Damn, my parents did that to me after I delivered my first child. It's one of those huge moment spoilers. I'm sorry they greeted you like that. Welcome home!

By kozzard | 17

#5545221 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:39

"Why hello there, Mom. I've missed you too. The flight was... wait, what?" That's kinda how I see that conversation going.

By Cazz91 | 21

#5545222 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:39

Better now than later to be told I suppose.

RedPillSucks | 31

#5545417 - Friday 21 June 2013 16:19

like the candy, it sucks now AND later.

johnnie254 | 7

#5545537 - Friday 21 June 2013 18:38

and how exactly is that "better"???? tell me, oh smart one??

By Ranimal | 12

#5545228 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:44

Wow, a bit forward but maybe she just couldn't hold it in. Who knows. Sorry OP.

By jenna_rae6 | 4

#5545238 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:53

I bet she was holding that information in so long to let you have a good trip that she couldn't hold it in anymore.

buckeyed | 20

#5545340 - Friday 21 June 2013 15:13

i agree; it was probably painful for her. sucks it happened then but you can probably bet she was trying her best

By mixinitup | 12

#5545240 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:55

You would think she could've at least waited until she said "Hey" or "I missed you".

By Joe9024 | 20

#5545246 - Friday 21 June 2013 12:59

As hard as it is to hear that as soon as you get home, would you've rather hear it during your trip OP? That I bet that probably would've ruined your good time..