Dating Struggles

Today, the most action I had on Valentine's day was a homeless guy pulling his dick out at me as I walked home from work. FML

Out of it

Kids are gross

Alexa, play "Get The Message" by Electronic

By peachykeen - United States - Savannah

22919

1905

Today, I returned a friends jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML

By ewwy - United States

27920

7633

Today, I had a job interview. I didn't have any clothes suitable for the interview, so I went to the store early and bought some there. After the interview, I went to return the clothes, because they were so expensive. The hiring manager saw me. FML

By Anonymous - United States - New York

17884

44036

Today, my 20 year old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

37669

5732

Today, my boyfriend of almost 5 years told me that his reason for staying with me is because he doesn't want to go through our storage unit to decide who would get what. We've had the storage unit for 2 years. FML

By Alyssa K Scheiber - 26/4/2021 02:00

Storage wars

824

Today, in the middle of my online midterm, my computer decided to update and closed out of the test. It can't be retaken. FML

By failure - United States - Hector

39862

3610

Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML

By BOOP - United States

30489

7678

Today, I found out why you shouldn't drop instant mashed potatoes in a fish tank, especially when you have expensive fish. FML

By Anonymous - United States

8187

44913

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

By cheated

1906

143

Today, I attended my first surgery as part of my program at med school. I found out that when I see someone's intestines, I vomit. Even if I'm still wearing a surgical mask. There goes the thousands of dollars I spent on college. FML

By A troubled ex med school student - United States - Dublin

33148

6668

Today, I was a month away from being seizure-free long enough to be able to get my licence when I experienced one. FML

By Rose - 17/5/2021 06:01 - Australia - Castle Hill

Driving me up the wall

938

Today, while working the drive-thru at work, an older woman asked for my phone number to give to her single son. After I politely declined, she called me a slut and threw her food at me through the window before promptly speeding off. FML

By anonymous - United States - Crossville

14150

1010

Today, at work I had to spend 2 hours cleaning up stinky toilet water. Why? Because yesterday, I forgot to turn on the septic tank pumps. The tank overflowed, and so did all the toilets. My boss is not happy. FML

By DogStew

Pumped-up Tanks

598

1774

Today, I was walking around my block when a random stranger pulled up next to me. He assumed I was a woman, and started catcalling me. I'm a 34-year-old man with a wife and kids, and my hair isn't even long. FML

By B-377 - United States - Sarver

2911

226

Today, I received a birthday present from a friend. It was the very same gift I gave to her for Christmas. FML

By thrifty gone wrong - United States - El Cajon

29952

4320

Today, someone misread some details of my dating profile on an app and thought I was subtly indicating that I'm a prostitute. In fact, I'm a shy 33-year-old virgin who's never been kissed and has obviously been failing at using dating apps and websites for years. I guess now I know one thing I did wrong. FML

By Anonymous

1815

227

Today, my boyfriend canceled our date last-minute. He claimed he had no time because he had to iron his towels. FML

By Anonymous - Austria - Vienna

25635

2256

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

By ari - United States

35822

3866

Today, I let my son drive us home. After just 10 feet, he crashed into a parked cop car. It was my squad car. FML

By adogg18 - United States

35193

15369

Today, it was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate. One of the presents from her grandparents turned out to be a sweater. She then asked, "Mommy, may I please lie?" When I shook my head no, she exclaimed, "I hate this ugly sweater!" FML

By Lisaaa - Canada

13682

34502

Today, an incredibly rude woman came in for a hairdressing appointment. I had to put up with being yelled at and called a "clumsy bitch," a "pleb," and other insults for almost half an hour. When I finally managed to finish her hair, instead of tipping me, she spat at my feet and stormed out. FML

By scumdresser - United States - Pittsford

29304

2284

Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML

By Anonymous - 20/8/2020 05:02

Stiff

1757

381

Today, I found out that the woman from My Strange Addiction who can't stop picking her scabs is married. I've been single for two years and I don't even pick my nose. FML

By Sam - United States - Salt Lake City

24072

3603

Today, I went to the grocery store where my husband works. I wanted to surprise him, so I went up behind him and started kissing his neck. He seemed to love it, and so did I, until I noticed it wasn't my husband. FML

By vhtdgjj - United States

13273

46811

Today, I've been on the verge of throwing up all day. Why? My dog is intolerant to grain, but grain-free dog food causes heart problems so she can't have that. Now our lives are filled with nasty farts and Hershey squirts with no end in sight. It's a rough time for us both. FML

By Anonymous

1332

285

Today, a friend told me over MSN that her father had died. Trying to express some solidarity, I went to send her a tearful smiley. I accidentally sent her the dancing pig animation instead. FML

By Kevin - France

20295

31675

Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML

By Anathema_360 - Canada

42118

3893

Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML

By kelly.duggan - Canada - Carleton Place

42585

11770

Today, I found out where a few of my favorite outfits went. My mother had taken them out of my closet, wrapped them, and given them to my cousin as a gift. FML

By Anonymous - United States

36185

2571

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

By Noname - United States

486518

106241

Today, me and my boyfriend were telling eachother secrets and I told him i've shaved my upper lip. He said "I know, it's prickly when we make out." FML

By Anonymous - United States

53695

27464

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

By Noname - United States

41717

3665

Today, I finally got to see my favorite aunt after months of her living far away with her new boyfriend. She now believes the Earth is flat, gravity is fake, the government is run by reptiles, and that vaccines are the devil themselves. She won't stop trying to convince me of her conspiracies. FML

By Inez333

2393

148

Today I went to the bank to get a jar of coins exchanged for cash via fancy counter machine. After 30 minutes I was handed a bag of rolling sleeves and was told to do it myself. Good news, I have a lot more money than I thought. Bad news, I have A LOT more coins than I thought. FML

By E_Sauce

1715

320

Today, I found my car completely vandalized when I came home from work. A paper on the seat read "That's for what you did to Hannah you fuck". Hannah? FML

By Camm. - United States

38342

2002

Today, my neighbor brought home a box of kittens he found in the park. Instead of calling animal control, he decided to keep them. Besides the incessant meowing throughout the day and night, a massive horde of fleas decided to migrate through his light sockets and into my nice clean apartment. FML

By itchy itches - 23/8/2020 05:05 - United States

Box of magic

1367

226

Today, my boyfriend and I slept together. In the middle of the night, he saw my phone receiving a text from someone saying, "Hey baby, I missed you so much! I'm going to be visiting in a couple of days, hope to see you again, I love you!" He got mad and left my house. It was my dad in Ohio. FML

By fmlfmlfml - United States

Mistaken identity

53551

4856

Today, my mom screamed at me to the point of tears, because it rained on her birthday. FML

By mei-ah - 12/6/2021 00:01

Alanis Morissette reference

811

Today, I'm stuck at home waiting on a plumber to come fix the flooding in my basement. The flooding happens when any sink, shower, or toilet in the house is used. Today is also the day that I started my period. Without water. FML

By st3phani3b - United States - Fort Wayne

2636

209

Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

By ouch - United States - Stockton

23801

3733