Dating Struggles

Today, I was taking a group shot with my friends when I asked a stranger to take the picture for us. He backed up and told us to squish closer together, and when he was at least 20 feet away, he turned and ran off with my camera. FML

Instadrama

Thanks for the miracle

One law for me…

By jacked - United States

35091

18451

Today, my job has a policy where you can only have two breaks if you work 7 hours or more. I've recently been assigned multiple strings of 6 hour 45 minute shifts. And no, I can't work 15 minutes of overtime so I can have the extra break. FML

By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 20:02

Seize the means of production

1489

164

Today, my 5-year-old daughter saw a pad commercial. She asked me what they were, but I didn't think she was old enough to hear it. I just told her that they're like diapers for mommies. Now she won't stop telling people that mommy wears diapers. FML

By diapermommy - United States

16955

46328

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

By Morrowindwhore - United Kingdom

25747

67497

Today, I got in my car. When I sat down, I realized a cat had got in the back seat. The cat startled me so I jumped out and slammed the door. Locking myself out. I watched the cat scratch my seats up for an hour. I'm highly allergic to cats. I can't get in my own car without breaking out in hives. FML

By Anonymous - Canada

71028

7564

Today, my mother burst into tears and hysterics when she found out my fiancée and I were not "pure" for our upcoming wedding. I'm 28, she's 27, and we've lived together for four years. FML

By deflower - United States - Huntington Beach

36600

5013

Today, I went on an interview for a job that I had been wanting for months. I thought everything was going great. On my way out, my interviewer asked me to recycle something for him. I agreed. It was my resume. FML

By Anonymous - United States

36248

2280

Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML

By Hit-and-Run - Mexico - Ju?rez

25892

3153

Today, marks the 29th day since I missed my haemorrhoid surgery. They told me to wait because it's not life threatening and so that I don't get the virus going to the hospital, which I understand. The problem is, even though I take suppositories, it hurts badly and bleed each time I have to take a shit. FML

By P DarklyKira - 6/5/2020 17:00

Broken bum

1651

108

Today, my tween daughter found an exciting new book series to replace her two-year obsession with Harry Potter. Hello, Team Jacob. FML

By Tweenmom

4643

523

Today, my step mom sat me down and told me that she doesn't think that my dad is my biological father because she hasn't gotten pregnant from him. I don't think she quite understands the concept of being a step mom. FML

By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

25079

2234

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

By Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - United States

46736

3070

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML

By Anonymous - United States

20495

52646

Today, my boyfriend brought me to his place to meet his parents. When they saw me, they laughed. FML

By omfgmaya - Denmark

46212

3912

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

By Anonymous - United States - Syracuse

52798

8768

Today, my husband of 3 years, who I have a 1 year old daughter with, told me he wants a divorce, but who knows, maybe in the future we can "date." FML

By starley - United States

42823

3426

Today, my mum told me I should see a therapist when she saw me wipe down a remote before using it. My dad has a knack for blowing his nose into his hand and wiping it on his pants, and my mum is the kind to pick up food residue from the drain and eat it - but sure, I'M the one with bad habits. FML

By RatherOCDthanNasty - Norway - Oslo

7491

451

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

By Anonymous - United States

49915

6985

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

By Highnapple - Canada - Sarnia

48794

4480

Today, I accidentally called my cute boss "babe." I now have to pretend it's what I call everyone, and start calling all my coworkers "babe." FML

By Shelly - United States

15923

33932

Today, a co-worker superior to me called me "Stephanie" yet again. My name is Ashley. I politely informed her that my name is Ashley and subtely pointed to my work ID. Later, I get called into my supervisor's office. I got written up for correcting someone of higher status that I. FML

By yankeebelle - United States

65413

3480

Today, I parked in a "Disabled" space. A woman and her kids comes yelling at me about how I don't look disabled and I was just being selfish. I roll my pants up to reveal two prosthetic legs. She then yells at me that I should have warned her before showing my legs since it could scare her kids. FML

By s

14857

643

Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML

By Redhead4life - United States - Miami

28791

2858

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

By fuck - United States - Hubert

Caught

70208

5243

Today, my boyfriend of eight happy months suddenly broke up with me via text. He'd always insisted that texts were too impersonal. FML

By ayeyieyie - United States

Hypocrite move

1487

120

Today, while browsing YouTube, I looked at the section "Recommended for You." I saw a video titled "How to get a girlfriend." Even YouTube thinks I can't get one. FML

By Anonymous - United States

32014

5462

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he finds his car more attractive than me. FML

By yup okay - United States

34863

6851

Today, thanks to an idiotic, "hilariously edgy" advert that screened in the very early evening, my 6-year-old son keeps repeating the phrase "I want a vasectomy" to everyone he sees. I've never received so many dirty looks in my life. FML

By theybitchaboutgnomesbutnotthis?? - United Kingdom - Exeter

42354

4605

Today, I was discussing with my husband how it was time I stopped taking birth control so we could have a baby. He looked at me and said sincerely, "We're a little young to be having kids, don't you think?". He's 35 and I'm 32. FML

By StillTooYoung - United States - Louisville

37643

5179

Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML

By IVOaf - United States

40482

4843

Today, my faculty mentor for my senior capstone project wasn't at my presentation for the entire department faculty. I assumed his wife or kids were sick, but that piece of shit told me himself that he was at home watching the new season of Stranger Things. FML

By and somehow you have a master's degree

Good excuse.

4118

331

Today, I was running late for work. To save time, I grabbed my belt on my way out the door and was putting it on in the elevator, which stopped at the next floor before I had put my belt all the way on. A hot girl stepped into the elevator, looked at my undone belt, screamed "Ew" and got off. FML

By soldier - United States

43547

10468

Today, I dropped my wallet and it fell into the perfectly sized hole in the storm drain. FML

By Qwe - United States - North Attleboro

20534

1571

Today, I got my grades back. They were all 98's and 99's with also a 104 (extra-credit). I got refused from entering an honors club, because it's "impossible to get above a hundred in a math class". I even got investigated for cheating. FML

By IamTheSalt

6006

367

Today, I sent a group text round to my friends asking if they wanted to hang out sometime. One of my friends thought this was aimed directly at her and confessed her love for me. FML

By awkwardpaul - United Kingdom - Sheffield

46731

8166

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs and the next seat. FML

By Anonymous

1641

185

Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is his goal in life to own every Will Ferrell movie. FML

By J-Ro - United States

18438

12292

Today, I finished a 700-page book for my law exam. It was the wrong book. FML

By Anonymous - Pakistan - Lahore

10534

4585

Today, I was having a dinner party. My guests were getting along really well. I mean, really well; it turns out they all went to the same high school. For the next five hours, I hosted a high school reunion for a school I didn't even go to, in my own home. FML

By trappedinmyownhome

28405

2814

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

By anon - United States

28535

1810