Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I overheard my parents talking about me and discussing how I've never had a boyfriend. My mum laughed that maybe they should pay someone to go out with me, and my dad replied, "Heh, not enough money in the world." FML
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
Today, I called my mom to see how she was doing. She quickly hijacked the conversation and said that she's signed me up for a dating site, because she feels bad that I can't find a decent man. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months, and she's seen me with him multiple times. FML
Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML
Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML
Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML
Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML
Today, I found my dad on a dating website looking for younger girls. My mother and father are "happily" married, well according to her Facebook profile. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my dad. I thought it was a good idea at the time, at least until he took her aside for a private chat. During the chat, he told her all about my two previous marriages and advised her to "get out while you can". FML
Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
lilhellian 27
Your asshole of a dad got married. Why can't you?
xelle_garfieldx 12
keep your head up hon
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (106)
Juneyah1017 9
"Girls are like buses... miss one, next 15 ones coming." -GucciMane You'll find the right one soon.
thisgirl97 7
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder OP, don't give up to quickly!!!
olpally 33
Thanks dad... What a jerk!
mmm666 16
How sad. Don't listen to such a rude person.
BulldogHoops 14
Well, better set up your profile!
perdix 31
So, you're a cheerleader, huh? Can you do the splits? Hey, how about a picture? Maybe, I'll come visit you on my private jet. Rawr!
ManInTheMachine 20
I'm sure you'd rather the visit s/he payed involved being "on" your "private jet", if you know what I mean.
perdix 31
#50, heh-heh, maybe I'll drop in the OP after my GQ photo shoot that raises awareness of my charity foundation that cures cancer in puppies and kittens.
Grauncho 27
Then you know what you have to do.
Pandacupcakelove 26
Move out?
freesitter 14
Kill his dad and take his wife, he's not deserving....oh ugh never mind...
AngelSpit 18
Oedipal complex much?
MlleMC_fml 19
Guess what? There are different types of people because everyone has different tastes. So unless you're not human (and even then... :P), there are people who actually like your type.
zinnath 9
If girls don't work for you then try guys. Their better anyway
LissaMccracken 23
How are they "better"?
deepunder 17
Aahhh! Why would u suggest guys? If a person isn't gay they aren't going to like the same sex.
MilkyFilmz 26
Your dad is a jackass. But don't worry OP! You will eventually find the right one. Like number one said, keep your head up! :)