Today, I found a piece of rice in my belly button. I can't remember the last time I ate or handled rice. FML

Disgusting

Today, I noticed a disgusting, cheesy smell and spent all day wondering what it was. I later found out that it wasn't coming from my feet, but from my belly button. My surgery wound got infected. I'm a germaphobe. FML

Today, I found out I have an abscess in my bellybutton which causes me extreme pain and discomfort when I sit down. I am a receptionist. FML

Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the Oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML

Stupid rule

Today, I’ve been violently ill with diarrhea, and have been for past three days. I finally discovered why. It's because I ate a piece of candy off the recently-cleaned floor last week. My immune system is so weak, it can’t respect the 5-second rule. FML

Today, I am home sick with a sinus infection. I had to break up a fight between my two dogs over who got to chew on my snotty tissue. FML

Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML

Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML

You BASTARD!

Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML

Gutsy move

Today, dealing with anxiety and depression, I finally got up the energy to bake. I chose homemade enchiladas. I then spent the whole day walking from the toilet to the nearest couch (and vice versa), feeling like my intestines were going to blow. No more enchiladas for me for a long time. FML