Miscellaneous: Today, I had the most excitement I have felt in the last two... - FML

By BananaCoconutty - 16/05/2015 16:33 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, I had the most excitement I have felt in the last two months when I went to a drugstore and they had my favourite bandaids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 961

You deserved it 3 740

BananaCoconutty tells us more.

BananaCoconutty 26

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Sunday 17 May 2015 17:42

They were the Scooby Doo Bandaids! Lol

Best teeth in the game

Another great day to be alive

This Charming Man

Family Fortunes

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 22:00 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, I met the family of the guy I’m seeing, and they are all amazing. I’m scared to tell him I have a schizophrenic mum and a raging alcoholic dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 97

By DrawingWaves - 27/09/2016 22:36 - United States - Woodland Hills

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend tried to hook me up with a guy. It's the second time it happened since I met her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 450

You deserved it 1 557

By I’m bushiest - 27/12/2018 22:00 - Australia - Bankstown

Today after flying 9+ hours to meet my future month in-law I had to take a pee in the rubbish bucket from her car infront of her, I said in my very bad Japanese “so I guess we are good friends now” she responded with a confident “yes” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 084

You deserved it 366

By Anonymous - 26/07/2019 04:00

Today, I came out of my bedroom to find my mom doing yoga in my hallway. Naked. She doesn't seem to think there's any problem with this. It's my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 776

You deserved it 124

By blob - 21/02/2013 00:32 - United States - Framingham

Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect". I need the class to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 883

You deserved it 2 736

By Neednewfriends - 11/11/2015 14:38 - Australia

Today, I found out that my "friends" only invite me to their parties when they need a designated driver. Apparently I'm "not fun" because I don't drink, which "ruins the party". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 344

You deserved it 2 655

By Annonmyus - 03/12/2010 08:56

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend left me for my step-sister. He's been cheating on me with her for the past 6 months, and got her pregnant. I also found out that my stomach pains are due to the fact that I'm also pregnant. My family could officially qualify for Jerry Springer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 115

You deserved it 9 752

By O_o - 09/02/2014 00:42 - United States - Simi Valley

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 134

You deserved it 6 656

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:21 - Australia

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend down the street and a really hot guy walked past with no shirt on. While distracted by his hardened stomach muscles, I promptly walked into a pole, then became single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 757

You deserved it 72 117

By FranchezDeVista - 30/08/2015 18:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was talking to my mom about my issues with my girlfriend. While she was sympathizing, she slowly picked up my wallet, took $100 and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 034

You deserved it 2 252

By poopiter - 27/07/2013 18:31 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 889

You deserved it 4 745

By dogbreederssuck - 03/02/2015 15:26 - United Kingdom - Ormskirk

Today, at work, I had to tell a woman that there is no such thing as a "pedigree Beahuahuadoodle", and that she'd essentially paid $500 for a mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 433

You deserved it 2 847

By wtf bro?! - 07/05/2019 12:00

Today, I got a Facebook message from a guy from my old school. I didn’t remember him, but I replied anyway. When I checked my phone after work, I had 73 new messages that went from, “How have you been?” to, “Fuck you ugly cockteasing whore,” and ended with, “You better hope I don’t catch you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 274

You deserved it 153

By Anonymous - 21/07/2013 04:51 - United States - Aurora

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. They were having signings, but only the first one hundred could get one. When I finally got to the desk, they said I was number hundred and one, and to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 966

You deserved it 4 608

By extraflavour - 23/12/2009 20:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a local take-away and ordered a pizza. I watched the worker get my pizza out the oven, then wipe the pizza cutter on the trash bin to get rid of the last pizza's toppings, and then cut my pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 472

You deserved it 3 171

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 20:55 - United States

Today, while I was in the break room at work, one of my coworkers walked in on me playing with my animal crackers, complete with animal noises. Now, the entire department won't stop teasing me and calling me Tarzan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 673

You deserved it 36 712

By pugs - 29/01/2010 08:43 - France

Today, the girl I've been dating asked me to describe her body. I said "Thin an toned but curvy in all the right places." I then asked her the same question to which she replied, "I don't know, you know I'm always drunk when we're together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 397

You deserved it 4 604

Feed me

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 23:00

Today, I’m in danger of losing my job as a full time carer because my charge, an autistic 11 year-old, hasn’t eaten a thing in 3 days because he wants a meal that doesn’t actually exist, which he saw in one of his online cartoons. I have no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 90

By hrs220 - 21/05/2016 21:55 - United States - Lake Zurich

Today, I gave a presentation for my final on class. While I was giving the speech my shirt strap broke. I ended up flashing everyone including the teacher. At least I got an A. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 827

You deserved it 1 511

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 01:40 - United States - Walnut

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 179

You deserved it 2 411

Thanks for the heads up

By thanksma - 29/01/2017 07:00 - United States - Stilwell

Today, at his request, I met up with my brother for lunch so we could catch up. Apparently, our mother put him up to it so he could tell me our parents are getting a divorce. They didn't want to tell me themselves because I'm "too emotional." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 735

You deserved it 633

By Mad - 27/06/2011 01:14 - Australia

Today, after a weekend of helping my sister-in-law move out of our house, vacuuming and mopping her bedroom and bathroom for her, scrubbing her walls and cleaning her shower, transporting her furniture and getting her carpet professionally cleaned, to cover costs she offered me $14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 583

You deserved it 5 261

By screwedfortheweek - 28/01/2016 23:39 - United States

Today, I started a new job. After being trained on several obscure computer programs I'm expected to use in just one day, my new boss informed me she's going on a week long vacation starting tomorrow. She's the only other person who knows how this program runs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 793

You deserved it 1 471

By Amber - 28/05/2013 23:42 - United States - Oroville

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 627

You deserved it 52 341

By Anonymous - 02/01/2015 22:14 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 033

You deserved it 10 214

Spooky

By Jason McNeely_1073215947 - 28/12/2021 01:59

Today, my now ex-girlfriend broke up with me by simply "ghosting" me. We're both in our late thirties. I thought she was more grown up than this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 97

By I Don't Exorcise - 10/05/2012 03:34 - United States - Shawnee

Today, I realized I was getting a bit chubbier than usual. I decided to go for a little jog to stay in shape. Little did I know, my neighbors that just moved in brought along with them, a fully grown German Shepherd. Not tamed. My "jog" quickly turned into a "sprint for my life". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 988

You deserved it 3 017

By Tee - 10/11/2009 02:20 - Australia

Today, I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend before I got on my bus. As I turned to get on, the door closed on my face. I knocked on the door. The driver looked at me, and while still staring at me, drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 987

You deserved it 5 406

By Anonymous - 11/10/2013 15:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's the fifth day in a row my workmate has worn the exact same clothing. We share the desk. I'm absolutely positive he hasn't hit the shower since last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 036

You deserved it 3 154

By teddyissmall - 14/04/2014 06:29 - Canada - Montr?al

Spicy

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 753

You deserved it 7 386

By FUCKKKS - 03/03/2013 17:37 - United States

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 858

You deserved it 6 062

By Devil - 11/12/2012 06:07 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 466

You deserved it 5 744

By Anon - 01/05/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I had woken up very excited to celebrate my 21st birthday. I roll over in bed and ask my boyfriend if we can go out to the park to have a picnic, considering the lovely weather. He looked up at me and said, "You wish I loved you that much." He rolled back over and slept until 3 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 544

You deserved it 9 297

By why do eggs explode - 12/10/2015 21:35 - Canada - Calgary

Today, while I was in the shower, my 4 year old son wondered what would happen if he put 6 eggs in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 211

You deserved it 3 041

By keiran123 - 27/06/2013 23:15 - United States - Welsh

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 240

You deserved it 3 317

By Anonymous - 18/05/2009 06:45 - Canada

Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 928

You deserved it 23 951

By schooyou101 - 17/11/2012 13:34 - United States - Prairie Village

Today, my crush finally agreed to spend the night with me. I told my parents to act normal for one night. Apparently, "normal" is strutting around naked and acting like a chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 048

You deserved it 6 121

By habbsrule - 15/06/2012 14:21 - Canada

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 425

You deserved it 29 950

By Welp - 03/07/2016 12:39 - Romania

Today, I found out that my company used a nice photo of my coworkers and me for their corporate website, in efforts to make their office seem fun and relaxed. This wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't just fired every single person in the photo, myself included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 250

You deserved it 1 091

By JPlays - 13/09/2016 03:31 - United States - Henderson

Today, after days of working with a client on plans for a project, I received a message half way through completion saying the deal was off because "my prices were so low it seemed like a scam". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 485

You deserved it 947

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Top comments

az1z_official 17

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:14

Wait till you have to rip them off

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:14

I hope they were 'The Wiggles' bandaids

Comments

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:12

That's painful

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Sunday 17 May 2015 20:37

I don't think it's painful that you can get excited over little things like that! Sometimes I can get really excited over small things too, don't feel bad OP. It makes you appreciate little things in life! :)

ironmany_fml 23

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Monday 18 May 2015 5:45

yes but it is painful if it is the only excitement you felt in the last two months

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:14

I hope they were 'The Wiggles' bandaids

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Monday 18 May 2015 1:50

They were Scooby-Doo bandaids but I don't think that makes the situation any better xD

X_KassidyRose_X 12

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:14

You need to socialise more.

Pr0fess0rWhat 17

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Sunday 17 May 2015 18:46

That's why OP wrote the FML.

az1z_official 17

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:14

Wait till you have to rip them off

boredSOLDIER 33

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Sunday 17 May 2015 14:35

Cause band-aids stuck on me

QueenOfSuppness 25

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:16

Well, the smily ones are pretty snazy

boredSOLDIER 33

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Sunday 17 May 2015 14:53

They've got My Little Pony ones, those are the shizz

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Sunday 17 May 2015 19:56

The Goofy ones are the best. They remind me of better times, when cartoons actually had values.

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:17

Honestly: all of us get a little excited about themed band aids. Whoever denies it is a liar.

Cads1 24

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:22

Sorry, but I don't. But I know people who do.

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:41

@10 Fair enough. They were a staple item throughout my entire childhood.

Cads1 24

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:47

Lol, is it a fair guess that you prone to an accident or two :)

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Sunday 17 May 2015 15:52

It's scientifically proven that themed Band-aids heal wounds faster! (Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, just someone who gets hurt a lot. Study has only been done on myself)

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:19

What have you been doing for the last two months? We need a follow up on this!

Cads1 24

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:26

Mate, from by the sound of the FML I think the answer is a resounding bugger all. Would be a well shit follow up.

theTravinator 21

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Sunday 17 May 2015 15:54

I could just imagine the update. "Hey guys OP here! They're smiley faces band aids and I bought 2 boxes! Thanks for the support"

Cads1 24

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:20

Wow, hate to say it but you really need to get out more and meet people.

feven 32

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:30

Either you need to go out more or finding bandaids is REALLY exciting for you. Not rlly sure which one applies here.

BananaCoconutty 26

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Sunday 17 May 2015 19:01

It's just that Bandaids are really exciting

fakedsincerity 32

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Sunday 17 May 2015 12:41

I love fun bandaids because I'm very accident prone and use them a lot. Today I have a monster face and a Disney Princess from cooking injuries. Don't feel bad OP, cool things are awesome!

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 8

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 914

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 1 110