By assholecat - 10/10/2012 08:43 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks 34 599
You deserved it 5 461

assholecat tells us more.

assholecat 6

Hey y'all, this is OP. In regards to my post: The elderly lady is a very close family friend of my family who still lives by herself but is being taken care of by her family. She's a lovely lady, really. I'm not worried about her stealing my cat - her dead cat and my cat look very similar. If he's bringing her joy - great! She and kitty can hang as much as they want! To the people who seemed to hint at me not feeding my cat... if you ever saw him, you would know that he is probably the best fed cat in the whole world. He is enormous. I have perfectly good food for him to eat - which I would feed him if he turned up for meal times. I don't feed him whenever he's hungry because he's a big ol' fat cat and I don't want him getting any fatter. (He won't be getting breakfast from me anymore - when I found out that my neighbour was lovingly feeding my kitty for me in place of her own, I went and brought her some cat food.) In regards to the "your cat is an opportunist! That's what cats are!" comments - no argument from me. As far as "don't call your cat an asshole!" comments go... my cat is an asshole: he methodically waits by her door every single morning at the same time that she routinely feeds her own cat, even though he knows (I'm sure he does, simply because the other cat isn't there) that her cat is no longer with us. My cat is both an opportunist and an asshole. And no, I don't believe that my cat can understand me when I call him an asshole. Anywho, that's it. I'm out. Peace!

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Top comments

DocBastard 38

Man - You should know better. There's NO way to shut the idiots up. You're assuming they will 1) read this, 2) comprehend it, and 3) care.

391 3

Comments

AFEmoWifey 0

That's a brilliant cat. Go buy the better food OP and maybe you cat will be less of an ass?

25 4
onlychildFTW 33

Exactly. The cat just wants good food. It OPs food was better then the neighbors the cat would eat with OP.

2 2
Brandi_Faith 33

I don't know about cats, but I know dogs just like different food, it doesn't have to be a better brand or better food, they just like to eat whatever is different than theirs. Than you buy that food, and they get kind bored with it too. When a dog goes into another dogs house, usually the first thing they do is eat all the other dogs food.

1 0
Schizomaniac 24

"impersonating her dead cat.." I couldn't help but picture the cat playing dead. And they say cats don't do tricks for food. Ha!

50 4
galaxystar2 6

Your cat is an animal and a natural survivalist. You are an idiot.

30 22
i_luv_dogs 10

How would the cat know what happened???

2 0
astralvagan 20

Cats aren't known to be that loyal..... My solution would be to put better food out than the old lady....

15 7
redmane 21

It really depends on the cat and the owner. My friend once said that dogs are better than cats because cats just lay around, hiss, piss, eat and bitch. He obviously hasn't heard of YouTube and it's excessive amount of cat videos. My two cats have more of a personality similar to a dog.

8 1
myeverydaymylife 21

You shouldn't call your cat that. It's human/animal nature to want something that's better. If your other half was treating you in a way you don't deserve or if someone treasured you more than the way your current partner treasured you, you would want to change partners to someone better. Don't deny it.

12 60
turkturkington 13

...Yes, you shouldn't call your cat that. The cat might get offended. You're obviously mistreating your cat by giving it second class food, and kitty decided to cut his losses.... Mate chill out. Kitty'll be alright. He's got twice the food available to him than normal, I don't think he's going to leave either person who thinks they own the cat.

34 2
myeverydaymylife 21

Maybe OP was jealous that the cat may develop favouritism? Regardless, it's no excuse to be rude to your cat.

7 31
Schizomaniac 24

Are you people being serious with this "rude to your cat" thing?

39 4
Schizomaniac 24

I see; you're employing sarcasm. It wasn't a rhetorical/sarcastic question. Do you people honestly believe that cats have the cognitive ability to comprehend a verbal insult? After seeing what seemed to be a serious reply to 27, I actually called that into question.

31 2
myeverydaymylife 21

Just because you don't know, doesn't mean it doesn't exist; such as a lot of other things in life.

2 33
ManInTheMachine 19

And just because you think you know, you presumptuous fool, doesn't mean it DOES exist. What OP calls their cat is completely ******* irrelevant. I'm sure they love their cat, they're just comparing the cats actions to that of a (human counterpart) jerk or asshole. I seriously doubt that the cat will come onto FML, read this, pack up it's things and leave the house with disgust.

51 4
myeverydaymylife 21

You horrible person, take your foul language and leave.

2 52
assholecat 6

... You hit the nail on the head, ManInTheMachine. And I can not stop laughing at the idea of my cat waltzing in, reading FML, getting insulted, and leaving my house in disgust. It's just such a hilarious image!

45 0
ManInTheMachine 19

I'm a horrible person for speaking my mind? I smell a troll. That or you must b REALLY new and naïve, because in case you haven't noticed, 90% of the people on here swear. I'm willing to bet you're not over the age of 13, in which case you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. If dogs can't speak, then they won't understand words like asshole, as it is not something used repetitively or as a command. I have a pet. I'm willing to bet you do not. Piss off.

22 1
olpally 32

63- Lol at your idiocy... Animals don't have the ability to comprehend an insult, they only obey certain commands as far as I know... I call my dog an asshole when he gets in the way and he licks my hand and sniffs me for 5 seconds and doesn't do anything differently.. Lmao.

8 1
turkturkington 13

I guess this is a sort of disclaimer. Most of my comments on here are pure dropping with sarcasm. May be the lowest form of wit, but I find it fantastic. Anyway, I think kitty and I would get along. Legend of a cat.

6 1
leannez 21

If it makes makes a lonely, old woman happy, let your cat go over. She clearly loved her cat.

24 4
Schizomaniac 24

Is this not fmylife.com? I must be on the wrong website!

0 0