Work: Today, after working at my job for months, I quit. Why? My boss...

By unknown relationship - 28/06/2013 05:23 - United States - Shorewood

Today, after working at my job for months, I quit. Why? My boss tried to convince me that we are in a secret relationship after he told me he loved me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 341

You deserved it 3 135

Work

Vulture

Mama's boy

Management

By gera3gera - 07/10/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 739

You deserved it 4 090

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 20:02 - United States

Today, I learned that no matter how much you assume that the crunchy bits in a bag of crisps are in fact crisps, you will occasionally find that your assumptions are wrong. Beetles just don't have the same appeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 454

You deserved it 5 852

By snownerd - 03/11/2011 16:13 - United States

Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 733

You deserved it 39 586

By ehbe - 27/11/2008 08:52 - France

Today, I heard my next door neighbour screaming as if someone was trying to slice her throat. Her window was open. Intrigued, I went onto my balcony and asked if everything was okay, and if she needed anything. She and her boyfriend shout back in unison: "We're F*ing, go away". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 927

You deserved it 8 099

By Anonymous - 08/12/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I used the bathroom that the high school shares with elementary kids. As I was pulling my pants down, my phone fell out of my pocket into the other stall. As I was reaching for it, the little girl in the other stall took it and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 436

You deserved it 4 644

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 21:06 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 020

You deserved it 1 856

Weirdo freak

By kitkat3308 - 27/09/2013 06:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my controlling, verbally abusive ex-boyfriend from nearly four years ago is still obsessed with me. Apparently, he's told everyone back home that he and I are getting married as soon as I finish college. We haven't spoken in over two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 060

You deserved it 3 059

By terpity12 - 07/08/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for a tetanus shot to go camping with my friends. While running on a path at the camp site, I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my shoe and into my foot. Maybe I should have kept my appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 331

You deserved it 24 313

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 19:26 - United Kingdom - Gorebridge

Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless guy who smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me, pinned me to a wall, and demanded that I hand over my "booty". I don't know whether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow, but either way, he's now over £100 richer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 469

You deserved it 2 423

By ekaay - 16/01/2018 15:00

Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 987

You deserved it 962

By Anonymous - 23/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was at my job as a dental assistant and I was told to take an X-ray of a woman's teeth. As soon as I put the foam piece into her mouth, she projectile-vomited all over me and the floor. I had just started my 5-hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 809

You deserved it 271

By Anonymous - 18/04/2012 19:18 - United Kingdom - Eynsham

Today, I attempted to wax my "lady area". It hurt more than losing my virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 991

You deserved it 9 856

By Anonymous - 23/08/2017 23:15

Today, I had money set out to pay bills, for a gift, and to put in a card as my cousin's wedding gift. I was rushing and not paying attention and ended up putting all of the money in the wedding card. $400 from one person. I guess I'll have no cable or cell phone this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 988

You deserved it 2 834

By forever alone - 12/05/2013 21:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 600

You deserved it 74 276

By SomePeoplesKids - 08/05/2012 06:08 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, I walked in on my daughter attempting to iron her pants with a hair straightener. She's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 089

You deserved it 6 260

Wrong place, right time

By Anonymous - 12/03/2020 16:00

Today, I stopped to gas up. The pump wasn't taking my BP rewards card, and it said to go see the cashier. I went in to ask what's up, where the cashier politely pointed out that I was in a Shell gas station, not a BP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 1 838

By confusedbagel - 27/06/2013 06:22 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 917

You deserved it 3 983

By Anonymous - 02/12/2012 08:19 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my son turned 8. We watched as he unwrapped a $55 Nerf gun, extra 'bullets', new shoes and a school bag with his favorite TV character on the front and a action figure inside. As he finished he looked me straight in the eyes and says, "That's great ma, but seriously what'd you get me?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 698

You deserved it 12 045

By bunintheoven - 23/10/2012 04:21 - United States - Seligman

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 354

You deserved it 5 083

By Anonymous - 07/12/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend he is good at singing. Now he won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 006

You deserved it 41 931

By Dana - 16/11/2018 15:30

Today, I told my son if he wanted the new internet password he had to clean his room. I then caught him disconnecting my laptop from the internet. Turns out he changed the password months ago and now if I want the new password he wants £50. I ended up paying. I'm actually proud of the sneaky sod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 3 349

By trying2breathe - 22/11/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. They also took the inhaler that fell out of my bag the night before. The one I needed to stop the asthma attack I had from the stress of having my car broken into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 269

You deserved it 2 834

By baddriver - 31/01/2012 17:17 - United States

Today, I went to the DMV to get my license. I almost ran over my evaluator as he was walking to get in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 979

You deserved it 24 502

Bad date #3764

By Greenpuppy416 - 04/07/2020 05:02

Today, I had a date at a formal restaurant I'm well known at. My date showed up two and a half hours late with a jogging suit on, and then got mad at me for ordering, eating, and paying without him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 727

You deserved it 127

By Sting - 26/04/2016 20:49 - United States - Manassas

Today, there was a gigantic wasp in my room. It stupidly flew upwards and got hit by the rotating fan. It then immediately decided to take it's revenge by stinging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 384

You deserved it 1 003

Oh the times, they are a-changin'

By toelie - 06/11/2017 22:00

Today, as two of my students walked into my classroom, I said, "Hi, ladies". One of them screamed at me: "Did you just assume my gender?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 022

You deserved it 575

Strange terminology

By Not true - 18/07/2016 02:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I don't have a "grippy vagina" after he slipped out for the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 301

You deserved it 1 732

By ew - 04/10/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, I noticed that my acne has gotten so bad, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 013

You deserved it 9 162

By Anonomous - 26/01/2015 15:48 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I got a cute girl's number for the first time. Too bad it was because she rear ended my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 137

You deserved it 2 638

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 15:00 - United States

Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 554

You deserved it 3 606

By moviewalker - 26/11/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, my parents and I went to the movies for my mom's birthday. After the movie, my mom and dad got into a fight, and left me at the movies. My cell phone was dead, and my house was about 12 miles away. They finally came and picked me up, hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 801

You deserved it 3 163

By Anonymous - 13/12/2013 21:41 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend randomly decided to let me know that he believes there's really no such thing as cheating, unless both partners explicitly agree that the relationship is monogamous. And no, he wouldn't agree that ours is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 703

You deserved it 4 879

By sorrystupid - 02/06/2015 07:42 - United States

Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 408

You deserved it 5 265

Problematic language

By Anonymous - 27/02/2021 05:01

Today, at my new retail job, I accidentally referred to white tank tops as, "Wife beaters." That's what I thought they were actually called, until my boss had to correct me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 357

By Wow - 05/07/2014 05:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was on the internet playing a game. I have a speech impediment, and the guy running it told me to get off his server for making fun of disabled people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 059

You deserved it 4 218

Sounds like a catch

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 08:06

Today, my psycho ex tried to call the cops on me for "poisoning her food." I live two hours away from her, and have no money or gas to go anywhere near her. Turns out, she poisoned herself for eating raw chicken and pizza dough. I have a child with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 312

By snowinggrey - 19/02/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When the guy I have a major crush on stood next to me, I got really excited, so I tried to sound good. After the song ended, he asked me if I wanted some gum to cover up my morning breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 732

You deserved it 11 793

Stuck

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 06:57 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, I found out that the badly-parked car without MOT, that I chose not to report, has been moved and now blocking my car in. I need to get to the shops and have no idea who the driver is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 131

By butchapparently - 10/08/2015 15:35

Today, I got a text from the guy I've been in love with for 3 years, saying: "So um, I've been wondering. Did you used to be a man?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 653

You deserved it 2 208

By Anonymous - 07/10/2013 15:03 - United States - Houston

Today, my dad got me a GPS for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have a permit or a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 425

You deserved it 3 679

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Top comments

joawmeens 7

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Friday 28 June 2013 12:16

"Secret relationship" is just about the creepiest thing I've ever heard... "We're in a secret relationship, so it is perfectly fine for me to sneak in your room and watch you sleep! I also took a lock of your hair, and licked your toothbrush, because I secret love you!!"

XxXCrissyXxX 12

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Friday 28 June 2013 12:12

I guess it was a little too secret.

badgirl00069 19

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Friday 28 June 2013 12:12

creepy

MzZombicidal 36

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Friday 28 June 2013 12:59

What a well thought-out comment!

golden_warrior 23

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Friday 28 June 2013 13:03

What? This not true romance? Damn, no wonder I keep getting restraining orders

Dynosaur_dollie 38

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Friday 28 June 2013 15:03

Well of course it's not a well thought out comment, she doesn't have a head! Makes it really hard to think without your head.

wlddog 14

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Friday 28 June 2013 16:05

She needs to use this to her advantage. Tell him secrets cost extra, and you like cash.

JACKxRAWR 22

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Friday 28 June 2013 17:07

Not gonna lie, I died a little inside when I read #1's profile. :/

Glitter_taco_ 10

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Friday 28 June 2013 17:38

First comment on this post and you just wrote "creepy" wtf

SmilieAKD 20

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Friday 28 June 2013 20:55

Thanks because of you I looked at her profile.

Lystune42 8

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Monday 10 March 2014 22:54

I kind of hate you for making me check out #1's profile too.

Queensland 27

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Friday 28 June 2013 12:12

Well at least if you need the job back, he'll give it to you? Among trying to give you 'other' things..... But look on the bright side, right?

svalaedgren 18

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Friday 28 June 2013 12:15

Exactly. And I'm sure OP would be promoted as well. I wouldn't want to put up that "secret relationship" anyway though.

JACKxRAWR 22

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Friday 28 June 2013 17:08

#5, I'm sick of our relationship being secret. I'm pregnant.

thatkidhesh 11

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Friday 28 June 2013 18:05

I feel a visit to the office by a muscular man impersonating your boyfriend could have helped more than quitting.

XxXCrissyXxX 12

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Friday 28 June 2013 12:12

I guess it was a little too secret.

DerrickJames 33

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Friday 28 June 2013 12:14

I see many law suits in his future.

joawmeens 7

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Friday 28 June 2013 12:16

Damian95 16

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Friday 28 June 2013 19:04

I've smelled her pillow case, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.

fluffypigeon 8

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Friday 28 June 2013 22:28

#49- I'm pretty sure that makes you secret married

Kc1001 14

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Friday 28 June 2013 23:22

Twilight anybody?

xsilentxninjax 10

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Friday 12 July 2013 4:51

That is very creepy.

Pwn17 25

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Friday 28 June 2013 12:16

He was probably in it a year or two longer than you were.

Mmkay1515 21

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Friday 28 June 2013 12:23

You're a really good secret keeper!

fishstick557 14

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Friday 28 June 2013 12:27

Ya I have this girlfriend, we love each other but she has no idea ;)

Futacy 29

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Friday 28 June 2013 12:33

Well, it's not a secret that the best thing about a secret is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets. Secretly…