Transportation: Today, after boarding my flight, the flight attendant looked...

By "taelor14" - 08/11/2017 01:30

Today, after boarding my flight, the flight attendant looked at me and said that I had to sit elsewhere because I had to be over 14 to sit near the emergency exit. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 326

You deserved it 295

Transportation

This Charming Man

Late term

Great customer service, thanks!

By Lies - 19/08/2009 02:44 - United States

Today, I saw the girl I had started dating changed her Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". Naturally, I changed mine too. The next time I logged on, she had commented, "Really?! Who?!" She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 671

You deserved it 5 932

Once more with feeling

By Anonymous - 01/12/2021 07:59

Today, the pain in my ribs was so bad I thought it’d be a good idea to stick the 24-hour heat patch on my skin to get the best out of the heat. When I removed it, it tore a bunch of my skin off. And I still have rib pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 176

By e11ie - 27/09/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said "I can't wait for the day that these produce milk." We've only been dating a few months and I have no intention of lactating anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 831

You deserved it 3 085

By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 19:31 - United States - Cloquet

Today, my shitburglar of an ex asked me to take him back. He said dumping me was a huge mistake. He dumped me because I was bed-ridden for several weeks and was in no condition to have sex. If his social media is anything to go by, he only wants me back because he couldn't get laid elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 217

You deserved it 1 553

Laundry drama

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 05:08 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I did laundry with one of my new white sweaters and other light-colored clothes. After it all went through the dryer, I found out there are now dark shades on it and it looks like a years-old old sweater, and can't be cleaned. I didn't even get a chance to put it on once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 674

By ouch.... - 22/10/2013 01:24 - United States - Duxbury

Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally stepped on it, cutting his foot. He asked me if I could help him clean his cut. Apparently, he's ticklish and I now have a huge bruise on my chest from where he kicked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 097

You deserved it 3 555

By AznKoreanGuy - 04/03/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, while getting off the bus, there was a lady in front of me wearing a dress and suddenly her phone dropped out of her bag. I picked up the phone for her which landed right beneath her dress and as she turned around she thought I was trying to take pictures of her panties and slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 809

You deserved it 4 666

Bent out of shape

By Illektra - 18/11/2021 11:00

Today, I was doing my makeup. Halfway through, I asked my SO what he thought of it, as I was working on a new eyeshadow technique. He said my eyeshadow looked great, but that, "One eyebrow is up here and the other is down there," and that I should fix it. I hadn't done my eyebrows yet. That's just where they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 124

Drip drip drip

By ewww - 03/04/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 126

You deserved it 5 207

By slapstick1982 - 31/12/2016 17:25 - United States - Ashford

Today, I caught my wife flicking a booger off her finger. I asked her why she was doing that and she said, "Because if I can't see where it lands, it disappears and is not gross". It landed on my arm. I saw where it landed, it did not disappear, and yes it is gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 924

You deserved it 156

Kids are gross

By Shawn - 28/03/2021 05:01

Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 158

By Xia - 18/10/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, I spilled a half bottle of superglue on my hands. I also found out that cold water only makes it harden faster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 725

You deserved it 16 108

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 16:41 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 464

You deserved it 3 223

By sydmarie98 - 06/07/2015 22:51 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, my friend let me borrow a pair of jeans. I found out I'm allergic to her laundry detergent when I broke out in a rash everywhere that the jeans touched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 841

You deserved it 2 018

By artclasstrauma - 15/05/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, in my art class we had to paint a nude portrait of a fat, old woman. About halfway through the piece, and while painting her fat rolls, I realized she was the only person other than myself I had ever seen naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 110

You deserved it 7 759

By Jacoobic - 05/07/2019 20:00

Today, I bought an expensive, heat-resistant double-sided tape to attach my dashcam to the windshield. It didn't last five hours, but has stuck nicely to the floor mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 146

Close shave

By Elisabeth - 16/08/2020 17:01

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. He went to get popcorn and I went to the bathroom. Thinking he had got back before me, I sat down next to him in the theater. I leaned in to kiss him, then realized it was some 70-year-oldish woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 1 402

Insurance is a racket

By Chriso - 17/11/2009 11:48 - Australia

Today, I was finally discharged from hospital after being in there for one month, I arrive home to find a letter from a debt collection agency for my unpaid car insurance premium, and another letter from my car insurer to say that they aren't covering my accident due to non payment of premium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 339

You deserved it 3 937

By Anonymous - 31/08/2012 23:16 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 066

You deserved it 4 893

By raerae - 24/04/2009 07:25 - Germany

Today, I received my camera in the mail that my mom sent from home since I forgot it when I moved to Italy. It was wrapped in 4 layers of bubble wrap and packed in foam peanuts to keep it from getting broken. As I was removing the last layer of bubble wrap I dropped it, breaking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 793

You deserved it 48 211

A Poopy Proposal

By aliciababy24 - 25/07/2017 21:00 - Australia - Ashburton

Today, while on a weekend away, my boyfriend and I went for a walk. I now get to tell everyone the story of how my boyfriend got down on one knee into a pile of cow shit while proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 255

You deserved it 556

Bad omen

By CastAway - 24/05/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 632

You deserved it 15 092

Abandoned

By Anonymous - 30/07/2015 06:56 - Australia

Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out, "Hello" had turned into a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 597

You deserved it 2 328

By O_O - 12/07/2013 20:15 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 579

You deserved it 5 808

By ohno - 13/07/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 212

You deserved it 7 031

By So I can go now then? - 09/02/2019 20:00

Today, I got fired from a job I had already resigned from after agreeing to stay on and help them out for an extra month, despite having no contract. They fired me because a colleague refused to work with me anymore because I wouldn't date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 622

You deserved it 236

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 15:30

Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 015

You deserved it 658

Is this Brexit?

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 05:03 - Canada - Toronto

Today, in the same sentence, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to "spend the rest of his life with me," and "I want to break up with you because I can't face your family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 135

By ItsFunnyNow - 22/10/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 550

You deserved it 6 725

By breakfast tea - 07/04/2012 19:30 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I was escorted out of the building for getting in a scuffle at my anger management class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 696

You deserved it 28 504

By Anonymous - 08/09/2010 18:09 - Greece

Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 130

You deserved it 4 668

Unreasonable

By Katsuria - 25/07/2020 14:01

Today, my mother disowned me because I wouldn’t fill out her visa application for France so that she can see her boyfriend. The reason why I refused was because my husband and I are on our honeymoon, and would like to spend some time together. I guess that makes me a “useless” daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 121

By Noname - 25/02/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 599

You deserved it 4 156

You tried

By LostAlice - 28/03/2021 17:01

Today, I requested a deadline extension at work. The extension was granted, but it didn't apply to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 66

Thanks, I'm cured!

By fuauntflo - 07/07/2020 17:01

Today, I went to the ER because of an intensely heavy flow. They kept me waiting so long that, although I was wearing a super absorbent tampon and a pad, I still bled through three times. When I was finally seen, the doctor said, "Try using a higher absorbency and follow up with your regular physician." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 21/07/2013 21:49 - Canada - Drumheller

Today, while arguing with my newly ex-girlfriend over how she cheated on me with a mutual friend, she tried to wash her hands of any guilt, saying that I was "selfish" and "just slut-shaming, really". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 047

You deserved it 3 763

By doesnttastegood - 01/02/2010 10:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 458

You deserved it 13 924

By clewie - 31/08/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 107

By Autocorrected - 26/11/2012 20:13 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 404

You deserved it 3 349

By itsplashedeverywhere - 27/10/2015 18:59 - United States - Boulder

Today, I was unfortunate enough to discover what happens when you vomit mid-drink at a water fountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 732

You deserved it 2 194

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Top comments

Noelletakumi 36

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Wednesday 8 November 2017 1:34

I feel you, I've been pulled over twice on suspicion of being too young to drive...I'm almost 20.

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 8 November 2017 4:13

It sucks for you now, but when you’re 50, but look 30, you’ll go, “Oooooohhh, yeeeaaaah!”

Noelletakumi 36

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Wednesday 8 November 2017 1:34

I feel you, I've been pulled over twice on suspicion of being too young to drive...I'm almost 20.

Mathametic 14

Wednesday 8 November 2017 1:38

Well, you are 8 months from being 20, and you already look young for your age. The suspicion seems reasonable, don't you have to be 18 to be allowed to drive solo?

talaswolf 20

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Wednesday 8 November 2017 3:58

You can get your drivers license at 16.

Suaria 37

Wednesday 8 November 2017 5:00

I believe it may be different for states but in the USA, you can drive at 16. In California where I'm from, you can get your permit which means you have to drive with someone over 25 with a valid license at 15 1/2. At 16, you can go into the DMV and get your license.

Noelletakumi 36

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Saturday 18 November 2017 8:23

Where I live, you can get your permit at 14 1/2. I've been driving for four years.

Glowworm56 25

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Wednesday 8 November 2017 2:14

I know that feeling--I've been shocking people for years after they've discovered that I'm not as young as they think I am. I'm 29.

Ash_U78 11

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Wednesday 8 November 2017 3:54

Lol, the exact same thing happened to me on a trip with my husband (then boyfriend) and in-laws. I was 20 at the time. Needless to say I've never liver that one down. FYL

Ash_U78 11

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Wednesday 8 November 2017 3:56

*lived... liver, oh dear.

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 8 November 2017 5:36

Did they think your bf (now husband) was a pedophile?

almost_there44 26

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Wednesday 8 November 2017 6:55

Why the hell would pedophilia be the first thing that comes to your mind?!

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 9 November 2017 11:42

Because she said she looked younger than 14 when she was actually 20, and I assumed her boyfriend was around 20 or so and looked his age. You really have no ability to read between the lines, do you? And it wasn't the first thing I thought of -- it was just the second one I submitted in writing.

almost_there44 26

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Friday 10 November 2017 4:35

Richie, you get so defensive it's so funny. So now every girl who is next to a man that looks significantly older than her could be a victim of sexual abuse? Like, a daughter holding her father's hand? Am I reading between the lines correctly? And please miss me with your condescending victim blaming bullshit because I don't care. You're not being bullied if someone disagrees with your comment so save it. :)

Cali 54

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Friday 10 November 2017 8:46

We can easily assume they were doing more than just holding hands since they were boyfriend and girlfriend, and that would definitely look fishy if you thought one of them was 14 (or younger) and the other looked about 20. Now be nice to each other, RP and a_t. No fighting please.

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 8 November 2017 4:13

It sucks for you now, but when you’re 50, but look 30, you’ll go, “Oooooohhh, yeeeaaaah!”

THE COLIN 12

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Wednesday 8 November 2017 20:18

You are a genius

Lobby_Bee 17

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Wednesday 8 November 2017 5:59

I understand how you feel, I was asked to leave a bouncy castle for being an adult. I'm only 33. FML

azouwa 26

Wednesday 8 November 2017 18:27

This has happened to me as well. I took my beer and left.

kakabalo 18

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Thursday 9 November 2017 15:28

hahahaha..... finally something funny

Sashiee Chuu 8

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Wednesday 8 November 2017 7:05

When I moved during my senior year, the management contacted my parents telling them that I had to be at least 14 to use the pool without supervision. I was 18 at the time. When my mother told the lady my age, the response to that was, "are you sure?" -.- I'm 26 now and security at bars still take several looks between my ID and me to see if it's fake.

Kurliez408 32

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Wednesday 8 November 2017 10:30

I got asked if I'm over 16 for the same reason. I'm 25. I feel ya OP

neuronerd 28

Wednesday 8 November 2017 13:59

Looking young will pay off in the future. I'm about to be 34, and most people think I'm in my mid 20s. Not to say there's anything wrong with being 34, but appearing younger at my age has definite societal advantages.

Selene1090 26

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Wednesday 8 November 2017 14:23

I feel this on a personal level, I work at an elementary school and all the kids think I'm a teenager and just lying about being in my 20s. But hey, at least we age better!