Work: Today, a customer approached me, smiling and asked what kind...

By bandaidstations - 17/08/2015 03:33 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, a customer approached me, smiling and asked what kind of cheese was in our cheddar cheese balls. Thinking he was joking, I laughed and said "swiss." He ordered, found they were indeed cheddar cheese, and reported me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 541

You deserved it 19 342

bandaidstations tells us more.

bandaidstations 28

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Monday 17 August 2015 19:54

I didn't think it was swiss..I made a stupid joke that backfired. Cheddar cheese balls are the only fried cheese item we carry. There is a 6 foot menu board with the description right under the item. The customer is a regular who comes in and harasses us all the time. He says things like I will go to hell for having a tattoo while he buys lottery tickets out of the machine. Since he laughs the comments he makes off like he's joking, I figured I could joke with him a bit.

Work

Broken heart

Dementia or hate? You decide

Scarcity

By kacysospacyy - 15/07/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, I went on a run with the family dog. I returned home to three missed calls and a hysterical voicemail from my dad. Why? The dog was gone. Not me, his fifteen year old daughter, the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 008

You deserved it 4 812

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 18:37 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, and the 4 months preceding it, my neighbors had been remodeling their house, which meant jackhammer noises every morning. The one day they take a break, my other neighbor decides to start a remodeling project. It'll only be two more months of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 268

You deserved it 1 166

By ritualdevice - 15/12/2009 08:30 - France

Today, I have to train people overseas to do my job. If I succeed in teaching them what they need to know, then they get my job and I get fired. If they don't perform well, then as the trainer I get blamed, and get fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 945

You deserved it 2 233

By notfatanymore - 13/11/2011 20:50 - Germany

Today, the guy I've recently started seeing confided that he's relieved I'm on the heavier side, and that he has a thing for watching chubby women eat. I just reached my ideal weight after losing 40 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 300

You deserved it 4 073

By What. - 14/08/2013 00:08 - United States - Pawtucket

Today, my father bought a riding lawn mower. We don't have a lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 987

You deserved it 3 547

By Anonymous - 23/12/2011 20:46 - Canada

Today, I found out that my estranged daughter has been married for five years. I wasn't told of or invited to their wedding, and the only reason I know now is because she needs money for a divorce lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 112

You deserved it 4 813

Monday Motivation

By Katie - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, while on trial for a desperately needed new job, I tripped crossing a road with my would-be manager. I twisted my ankle, and he had to carry me across the road and call a taxi for me to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 796

You deserved it 2 928

Nooooooo!

By ScarredEars - 12/08/2010 12:02 - United States

Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 211

You deserved it 3 771

By karmaiguess - 18/10/2018 03:00

Today, I saw the guy I bullied during elementary school and tried to apologize to him. Instead, he took out a knife and stabbed me. I'm currently in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 327

You deserved it 5 075

By Anonymous - 03/01/2012 19:22 - United States

Today, as I was driving in reverse, I hit my boyfriend's mom's car. I met her for the first time while giving her my information. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 901

You deserved it 7 877

It's about time

By peetime - 24/07/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom taking the dog to the vet, when he peed on me. We were taking him there because he hadn't peed in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 74

By ThatSped - 18/02/2016 03:22 - Canada - Moncton

Today, during class, a girl had suggested how I, a 16 year-old guy, would be a high maintenance girlfriend. We sat and debated this, allowing for other people to listen in and agree with her, and eventually the entire class agreed with her. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 898

You deserved it 4 876

By iloveryanhiga - 05/08/2011 09:27 - United States

Today, my parents woke me up at 4 am and informed me of their impending divorce. They then woke me up again three hours later and told me "never mind". This same routine happens several times a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 370

You deserved it 2 402

By Fuckit - 28/05/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, the girl I love made me text my best friend how much she loved him. This because her phone died. I was at the movies with her on our date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 420

You deserved it 6 244

By Nic - 13/09/2016 20:16 - United States - Orlando

Today, for the first time in months, a potential employer was willing to give me a job. On my way out of the interview, I tripped over and broke a 1000 dollar glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 006

You deserved it 1 135

By hadtocleanthemess - 28/06/2011 12:35 - Canada

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 808

You deserved it 4 182

By Mrs. Ned - 09/09/2015 02:00 - United States - Incline Village

Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 776

You deserved it 3 057

High school is hell

By Ani - 17/12/2021 10:58

Today, a "friend" of mine decided stealing my very low amount of sticky notes repetitively to make origami and show off was okay, even though I had repeatedly asked her to stop. Then, when I snapped, I was the bad guy, and everyone who was around started stealing my pencil case to get them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 13/03/2011 21:51 - United States

Today, I had to wait an hour in the awful rain for my mom to pick me up, because she didn't realize the clocks had gone forward already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 589

You deserved it 4 195

By ChinaWillOwnUs - 27/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was warned that I was failing too many students and it had to stop, so I showed my boss all of the easy assignments a lot of students didn't even turn in. She told me to stop using so many "big words" in them. I teach at a four year University. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 717

You deserved it 209

By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 14:23 - United States

Today, my mother sent my birthday present to me four days late. It was a handy keychain blood alcohol detector so I can make sure I'm sober before I drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 789

You deserved it 7 651

By BigMouth McRedface - 14/05/2010 02:11 - United States

Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My cell phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 796

You deserved it 33 857

Contradictions everywhere

By Anonymous - 14/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was demoted from my job because I didn't volunteer to help out with my job during COVID-19. I texted them on the day of sign-up to see if they had enough people. I was told since I was there not to worry about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 135

By ClothesHorse - 12/10/2012 19:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I was kicked out of a job interview at a clothing store for "not dressing appropriately" for the occasion. I'd purchased my outfit from the same store just two days prior with my last $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 626

You deserved it 5 426

By disciplinaryaction - 21/11/2011 07:02 - United States

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 668

You deserved it 3 339

By jenpearl - 20/06/2015 01:06 - Australia

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 963

You deserved it 9 161

By language barriers - 12/02/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 159

You deserved it 5 191

Fashion Week, Bitch

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 21:02

Today, I found out that my blazer was not in fact lost. How did I find this out? The girl who'd "lost it" was wearing it. She now denies it was ever mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 129

By foops - 02/02/2014 21:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my dogs freaked out and started getting violent because they thought the sound of my vibrator was the other's growling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 787

You deserved it 11 567

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 463

You deserved it 49 625

By donguigeek - 24/12/2015 04:32 - France

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 352

You deserved it 1 950

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 756

You deserved it 9 539

By The Towel Molester - 26/01/2012 14:49 - Australia

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 346

You deserved it 3 267

Not that sort, I swear

By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 11:01 - Luxembourg - Mamer

Today, I threw out a bunch of Coca-Cola bottles that had been in my room for who knows how long. My mother noticed them in the recycling and promptly told our neighbours that I have a "coke habit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 149

By need an appendickectomy - 17/03/2013 20:12 - Finland

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 776

You deserved it 3 176

By independence - 07/07/2011 04:04 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me because he wanted some independence. He moved back into his parents house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 650

You deserved it 3 578

By lalala_hahaha - 23/09/2010 23:18 - France

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 855

You deserved it 3 045

By Anonymous - 02/03/2011 11:20 - United States

Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 494

You deserved it 6 308

By Username - 09/06/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, I spent fifteen minutes looking for my phone in my car before I realized I was using it as a flashlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 819

You deserved it 61 004

By catlover - 16/06/2011 16:14 - China

Today, our new cat, which my mum was hesitant about letting us keep because she believes they're diseased, gave us all ringworm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 145

You deserved it 13 497

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Top comments

DevilsMetsGiants 30

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Monday 17 August 2015 18:56

You can't cure stupid

ComoEsJuan 24

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Monday 17 August 2015 18:58

There were a few holes in your approach.

hussamhasi 22

Monday 17 August 2015 18:56

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Myo_fml 20

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Monday 17 August 2015 19:10

Looks like we have a commenter almost as dumb as the customer.

bigblackdude101 16

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Monday 17 August 2015 19:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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hussamhasi 22

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Monday 17 August 2015 19:56

U guys couldn't take or understand a joke ? Lol

LilMissCanadian 22

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Monday 17 August 2015 20:12

Myo, even though the comment didn't sound intelligent to you and many others, yours was unnecessary and pretty rude.

hussamhasi 22

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Monday 17 August 2015 20:18

Hahaha people ! It was a damn joke and I don't care about you mayo , get a life , your info says a lot ..

mukduk 21

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Monday 17 August 2015 20:31

I thought jokes were supposed to be funny?

hussamhasi 22

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Monday 17 August 2015 20:34

That depends from person to another ;)

gantoman 13

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Tuesday 18 August 2015 3:24

Tbh #19 is the only one who spoke the truth here, you're all idiots, and #1, your jokes are shit. I can find a starving kid in Africa that can fart rhythms that would be funnier than your joke.

DevilsMetsGiants 30

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Monday 17 August 2015 18:56

You can't cure stupid

okokalright 15

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Monday 17 August 2015 20:40

You don't deserve so many downvotes OP. Honestly some people aren't the smartest. It wasn't your fault you didn't know he was serious, i mean it's in the name for a fucking reason

PhinIt2WinIt 24

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Monday 17 August 2015 22:04

But still. If there was the slightest chance he was being serious, he should've told him the truth. But still that customer was stupid.

chinaski7628 32

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Monday 17 August 2015 23:39

When I worked at a cafe, a customer asked me what the difference between a cappuccino and an iced cappuccino was. Thinking it was a joke, I laughed at her. She did not like that. Sometimes, people ask stupid or obvious questions. Sometimes it's because they're joking around (some people, like my dad, think it's funny to ask servers stupid questions); sometimes it's because they're actually that obtuse. It's hard to know the difference sometimes.

ComoEsJuan 24

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Monday 17 August 2015 18:58

There were a few holes in your approach.

IWishIWasObama 12

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Monday 17 August 2015 19:05

OP gouda done better

Rskittles10 16

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Monday 17 August 2015 19:22

That was a bit cheesy

Jowisee 29

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Monday 17 August 2015 19:25

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Honest_Guy 10

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Monday 17 August 2015 21:10

I guess it just was nacho day

Jared900DUmpling 30

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Monday 17 August 2015 21:58

Op really could have had a cheddar approach to the situation

chinaski7628 32

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Monday 17 August 2015 23:42

I Camembert anymore cheese puns! They're real muensters!

False_Stupidity 41

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Tuesday 18 August 2015 5:33

These puns are grate, couldn't brie any better.

DA3Z 16

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Monday 17 August 2015 18:58

What's all this cheese doing in my cheese balls?!

sstahpp 33

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Monday 17 August 2015 19:40

I found this hilarious. :/

glamour_083 13

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Monday 17 August 2015 18:59

unfortunately, not everyone can recognize or appreciate sarcasm

LilMissCanadian 22

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Monday 17 August 2015 18:59

Some people can't detect sarcasm.

DeathofCareBear 21

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Monday 17 August 2015 18:59

Just remember it's best to ignore stupid people. That's why I don't go outside.

woainishamu 21

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Monday 17 August 2015 18:59

Was his brain full of holes like the Swiss cheese too?

AnyaS 19

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Monday 17 August 2015 21:09

Interesting fact: not all Swiss cheese has holes and not all cheese with holes are Swiss.

Destiny8745 29

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Monday 17 August 2015 19:02

Well that's not gouda. :D I'll go ahead and show myself out for that cheesy pun.

Benmantha 31

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Monday 17 August 2015 19:04

Never ever assume that customers, asking this kind of questions, will understand irony/sarcasm/any kind of joke. Never.

Marcelb 17

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Tuesday 18 August 2015 10:55

Oops, accidentally down voted you. But OP assumed the customer made a joke and just went along with it, instead of reacting sarcastically/jokingly of their own accord.