kittybad
This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff
United States
These are lovely
Today, my wife made me moist cat food burgers as a prank. I didn't have the heart to tell her that they tasted better than the ones she usually makes. FML
Top comments
friedpwnadge 25
Good guy husband. You might have needed to arrange funeral plans if you said it.
DocBastard 40
How the hell can she screw up burgers? Meat. Salt. Pepper. Fire. It isn't rocket surgery.
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Comments (104)
friedpwnadge 25
Good guy husband. You might have needed to arrange funeral plans if you said it.
Damian95 16
At least he was nice enough to spare her feelings. I give OP props. I'm not sure I could be that kind.
tjv3 10
How twisted is it that your wife had you eat cat food ? But good choice on not telling her the truth
DyslexicPanda 12
Idk, 76, how twisted IS it?
friedpwnadge 25
Best case scenario she would have tried to improve the flavor by adding arsenic.
at0micmin3r 23
Actually... he SHOULD have said it! She tried to prank him, "Prank's on you, honey. These are better than your original ones!" BWAHAHAHA.
k_lylepad 19
Cooking school?
BabyGirlJr1 11
how is he gunna say she needs it though
Zebediabolical 45
Hey honey, you know what would be great? A nice romantic couples cooking class. We get to spend time together and learn to make things we don't know how to.... Oh look. The BBQ class is next. Let's do that one first to see if we like the instructors!
DocBastard 40
How the hell can she screw up burgers? Meat. Salt. Pepper. Fire. It isn't rocket surgery.
Azeri_fml 11
I can screw up toast. Burgers are way outta my league.
imyy 20
Rocket surgery? Or did you mean rocket science or brain surgery?
Pordexel 5
People operate on rockets?!
DocBastard 40
Yeah...that was part of the joke. So thanks for making me point it out and ruining it.
perdix 31
It's possible, especially if you are not standing over the grill at all times. The fat from the burgers can drip into the fire causing a flare-up. This chars the outside of the burger into coal while leaving the inside an undercooked vector of E. coli. The fifth required ingredient is Vigilance.
DocBastard 40
Perdix, vigilance is required to cook anything. I can't add that to the list since it is an obvious ingredient in everything.
dreamsneverfall 8
Basic rule of FML. Don't question DocBastard. DocBastard can operate on anything.
girlbye23 15
Rocket surgery? I didn't realize rockets had health problems.
wvcheesehead1 9
Why can people not understand a purposeful malapropism delivered for humor. No way could people understand the humor in great old tv shows like All in the family. And op talk to the flies in your neighborhood, maybe they will chip in and buy you a screen door.
Zimmington 21
Nobody else uses Worcestershire sauce?
Spottedfeather 7
Salt...pepper ? I've never seen anyone make burgers that way...
perdix 31
#79, I use Doc's recipe (with my own Vigilance) and people adore my burgers.
garrett1999o3 16
I agree with DocBastard, It's not brain science people!
websphere69 27
... for your submarine....?
wvcheesehead1 9
Btw Jane's Krazy mixed up salt is absolutely the best seasoning for beef. I have converted hundreds to the cult of this wonderful spice.
zafan123 6
Tell her she makes bad burger. Don't let her think she makes good burgers when she doesn't.
mike3775 39
Some people just cannot cook. My wife can burn water. I feel for you OP
lifesucks1217 6
I wonder what burnt water taste like :D
Jivesliven 24
I have burned water before. I'm actually a fantastic cook, but on a few occasions I've forgotten that I was boiling water until it was boiled out and just a pot cooking on the stove. Whoops.
SMHsohard 22
It makes me wonder just how bad a cook she really is; canned cat food smells like ass and I imagine frying it enhances the fragrance.
cmayer 20
It does. One time we were cooking burgers and my mom leaned over the counter with an open can of cat food to grab a bowl for it... Gag.
AngrySailor 17
"It's alright honey, you didn't burn the beer."
bamagrl410 31
Burned beer?! Blasphemy, don't talk about wasting alcohol in such a way.
luhar 7
Doesn't cat food look like tuna, not a burger patty?
peachesncreem 21
My cat has food that looks like meatloaf and steak. They're getting really fancy with pet food these days.
VeganVampyre 27
Yes it does (some of it anyway) so I'm guessing she used the cat food the way she would use raw hamburger and turned it into a burger patty.
DWT 18
If you wanted to get back at her, you totally could tell her that. Maybe it'd improve the quality of her regular burgers.
Jssleyn 13
What if she replied with stuff like "since you prefer this one, i'll make cat food burger from now on instead.."
sasyquin 13
than he would get all the necessary vitamins O:-)
arioch_fml 20
It tastes better anyways so I'm sure he wouldn't complain too much.
ChalkOutline101 7
Although it sucks she made those, you need to tell her that the real ones are disgusting. Chances are that she may may hate them as well but because you "love" them she keeps making them.
Melix 31
Oh lord. You did a good thing by not telling her. And if you do want to tell her, good luck sleeping on the floor, and wear protective gear too.
tygerarmy 35
OP you're a good kitty, your wife is the bad kitty, though if you like eating cat food maybe your relationship is purrfect.