Work: Today, my boss threatened to fire me for showing up at work early....

By wtfwhyfml - 14/06/2013 19:29 - United States

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for showing up at work early. His reasoning is that it looks bad when his workers show up before dawn and work later than he does. He assigned me these hours specifically to accommodate one of our clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 328

You deserved it 3 155

wtfwhyfml tells us more.

wtfwhyfml 12

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Saturday 15 June 2013 6:07

OP here. I normally get to work before dawn; so he was just being a dick. I work as a home care provider for a little old lady with severe mental issues, who's husband/primary care provider works early mornings, as he owns his own lawn care business and where I live the heat is oppressive by noon. However, today he had to work late to make up contracted appointments he'd missed last week because of equipment problems; and for once cleared the hour change via the office. Hence, jackhole supervisor acting a fool. As for finding a new job; I plan to finish this one then move on; her husband is retiring in less then a year and she is extremely picky about care givers. I'm one of two that has lasted more then three weeks; and I refuse to put her and her family through finding a new provider like that.

Work

Mama's boy

Money management

Contact tracing

By ThisIsMyLife - 04/06/2017 04:00

Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 476

You deserved it 1 574

By Anonymous - 06/06/2015 04:20 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 834

You deserved it 2 174

By Jeff - 02/03/2010 15:53 - United States

Today, a wasp flew into my room. While I, a 6'2" hockey player, cowered in the corner, my 4'11" girlfriend killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 938

You deserved it 41 656

By nofatchicks - 12/05/2014 23:49 - United States - Tampa

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 693

You deserved it 7 815

By fmyhabit - 15/04/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 811

You deserved it 57 272

By Noname - 03/02/2009 23:51 - United States

Today, while surfing facebook I noticed someone in my network had recently shifted his relationship status from undeclared to "single." We've been dating exclusively for nine months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 481

You deserved it 2 606

By Anonymous - 17/01/2013 10:43 - United States

Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 369

You deserved it 9 507

New depths

By Bruce - 23/01/2021 11:01 - United States - Falls Church

Today, my sump pump stopped working so I called a plumber to fix it. It took two seconds for him to simply plug it back in. Cost me $75 for the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 861

By Anonymous - 08/10/2015 15:10 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, in the middle of a presentation, I fought a shart, but the shart won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 251

You deserved it 2 822

By Tired Hungry Geek - 27/10/2015 04:40 - United States

Today, I was exhausted after a long day at work and didn't feel like cooking so I went to a drive thru. I placed my order, went to the window and paid. I then drove off without my food and didn't realize it for a couple of blocks. I was too embarrassed to go back and get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 626

You deserved it 10 262

Rubbing one out on the sly

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 17:56 - United States - Camarillo

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 282

You deserved it 2 408

By theawfulpresent - 30/01/2013 00:28 - United States - Germantown

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 345

You deserved it 3 427

By gabbykinz13 - 08/03/2012 21:48 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 012

You deserved it 57 042

By ouchmytits - 28/03/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, I was cooking, and I took a pot of boiling water to the sink to drain. My pot holder slipped, and the boiling water spilled all over my breasts. Second degree boob burns are bad, but losing half a nipple to potato salad is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 658

You deserved it 4 558

By Bobby The Baker - 03/04/2019 16:00

Today, a cockroach flew towards me, and out of panic I dropped my car keys in the sewer. Not only did I lose my keys, but the cake I made for a client is stuck inside the car. It's for a wedding, and they're arriving in the reception area in a few minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 973

You deserved it 409

By hanmart - 15/11/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my coworker shared a laugh with the boss about setting the office desk on fire (which he actually did), while ten minutes later I was threatened with being fired because I made paper snowflakes and hung a few of them next to the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 366

You deserved it 2 619

By dumblond - 14/08/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I was looking over the schedule for errors and circled a group of mistakes before handing it to my manager. When she handed it back to me, she gave me a weird look and I immediately noticed that the group of numbers I had circled formed a giant penis shape on the paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 260

You deserved it 6 429

By fmlguy - 10/12/2010 03:19

Today, I've been considering breaking up with my girlfriend so I don't have to buy her a Christmas present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 239

You deserved it 86 118

By Mr_Yato - 19/01/2016 20:07 - United States

Today, a girl in my class introduced herself to me for the fourth time this semester. Am I really that invisible? FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 463

You deserved it 1 819

By Janer88 - 30/11/2009 05:51 - Canada

Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 267

You deserved it 3 203

By BERNDTOAST - 27/03/2015 15:27 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I fell asleep in class... And woke up hour later. My teacher let me sit there till I woke up to see what my face would be like waking up to a new class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 294

You deserved it 17 815

By SmoothTalker - 16/03/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied "oh I usually come early." She laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 234

You deserved it 33 883

By Anonymous - 27/07/2019 16:00

Today, my youngest of four children turned 18. It was also the same day that my ex-wife called to tell me that after 18 years of paying child support, I wasn't the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 674

You deserved it 153

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, my son couldn't find all the parts to his Cub Scout uniform. I had a serious talk with him about being prepared, and how he would need to live with the consequences of not having the right outfit on. When we arrived at the meeting, everyone was in costumes because it's Halloween. I forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 739

You deserved it 43 966

By suspended - 31/07/2016 15:39 - United States - Grand Blanc

Today, I had to give an important presentation, so I checked it over one last time before taking a shower and heading out. I found out too late that my brother used that window of opportunity to replace the entire document with the N-word repeating over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 943

You deserved it 2 057

By Anonymous - 24/11/2009 11:44 - United States

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 086

You deserved it 3 507

By nametag - 09/06/2009 02:07 - Canada

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 798

You deserved it 3 909

Not invited, I guess

By Marion - 14/10/2020 20:01 - United States - Portland

Today, I was talking to a coworker about gender reveal parties, and how dumb and dangerous they're becoming. A nearby coworker then burst into tears and ran out. It appears that she's having one this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 471

By hahahehehohohoo - 07/02/2009 03:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323 303

You deserved it 58 416

News to me

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I was texting my friend. He has a history of depression, which we were talking about, and somehow, he turned the conversation to, "If we ever broke up, I would kill myself." I didn't even know we were even going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 172

You deserved it 2 984

By dammitvasquez - 12/05/2011 23:34 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came home from a camping trip and broke up with me. All because when he was watching the lake he was near, ripples formed. Apparently, this means God was telling him I'm impure and unable to be "saved by Christ" and therefore, a waste of his time. I dated this lunatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 162

You deserved it 8 509

By grossedout - 22/05/2015 15:02 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I had to ask one of my coworkers if we were supposed to return a client's teeth to her. I work at a jewellery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 872

You deserved it 2 211

By stupidboss - 31/03/2016 03:23 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I got into a car accident with my boss, and he asked if I could come to work the next day. I'm in the hospital and he knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 464

You deserved it 1 146

By Anonymous - 10/05/2014 17:56 - United States

Today, I was looking at some cellphones with my dad, when an assistant asked if we needed help. My dad said, "Yeah, does this have parental controls? My son watches some freaky stuff, some damn freaky stuff." I don't watch anything weird, but thanks for humiliating me, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 439

You deserved it 4 541

Directions

By jay-frey96 - 02/11/2014 15:36 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 513

You deserved it 13 911

By Anonymous - 17/10/2010 06:28 - United States

Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 085

You deserved it 30 332

By little tooth - 06/11/2008 13:39 - France

Today, my wisdom teeth decided to come in. I didn't know that being wise could hurt so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 834

You deserved it 9 325

The Gush

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 22:01

Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 1 933

By Nosmie - 17/06/2019 15:03

Today, the worst part about not having a sense of smell is that I can’t tell if anyone ate pizza without me. Unless I see an empty box in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 250

By Anonymous - 06/03/2015 16:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to sit and smile as a drunk lady ranted about how body hair on a woman is disgusting and unfeminine, then in the next breath say that only pedos like women who shave their vaginas. That's the last time I ever have dinner with my boyfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 742

You deserved it 2 327

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Top comments

SRU_Toronto 5

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Saturday 15 June 2013 1:47

Well i think ur a loyal employee. i would hire u any day

wtfwhyfml 12

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Saturday 15 June 2013 6:07

SRU_Toronto 5

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Saturday 15 June 2013 1:47

Well i think ur a loyal employee. i would hire u any day

golden_warrior 23

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Saturday 15 June 2013 1:53

Is it so hard to type you?

Welshite 39

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Saturday 15 June 2013 1:54

#1: You actually need a secretary.

hemz_fml 13

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Saturday 15 June 2013 2:34

Are people dying because he misspelled or used poor grammar? It's the Internet not a biblical scripture.

olpally 32

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Saturday 15 June 2013 2:42

God forbid people overlook mistakes and try to read the comment. I had no problem reading it and I easily understood what #1 was trying to say. No need to be grammar or spelling douche bags about it.

HowAreYouToday 34

Saturday 15 June 2013 3:02

Everyone knows that if you misspell something on the internet, you go to internet hell.

perdix 29

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Saturday 15 June 2013 5:12

#1, I'm sure this workaholic wants to be subordinate to a slack-ass who can't be bothered to capitalize his I's.

ironichalibut 24

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Saturday 15 June 2013 5:14

Maybe he's too busy to capitalize his 'i's.. Buuut, on the other hand, he's on FML

Tpracingkg 15

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Saturday 15 June 2013 11:31

I'll have you know sir apes are very smart.

SnuWolf 15

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 17:56

#26, I just want to say correcting other people's spelling and/or grammar is actually a specific type of OCD called Grammar Pedantry Syndrome.

ravenevercross 19

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Saturday 15 June 2013 1:47

Wow. Your boss sucks. If there's someone above him, I'd complain to his boss. Good luck. FYL.

buckeyed 20

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Saturday 15 June 2013 2:08

Let's hope that OP's boss's boss isn't as easily threatened.

plaguer 26

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Saturday 15 June 2013 1:47

Don't worry, you can't please everyone. My boss is a jerk too.

buckeyed 20

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Saturday 15 June 2013 2:02

That's when you gotta keep trying to do your best and roll with the punches. Hopefully, if karma is truly our friend, you will be rewarded for it. Or, you know, hopefully your boss's BS bites him in the ass.