Today, my roommate told me that she wants to get some of those "My Family" stickers for her car. She's single and has no children. What does she want to get? One for her, and one for her goldfish. Sadly, this is probably one of the most intelligent things she's said all week. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard for the nth time (I lost count after 100) how my roommate and her boyfriend plan to have kids (yes, plural) because we’re "BFF family", and "family babysits for free." She’s actively trying to get pregnant, but wants to continue smoking and drinking like a fish. FML
Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML
Today, my 5-year-old daughter had to find pictures of animals that she felt represented each member of her family. This was the one she chose for me. I think she might be trying to imply something. FML
Today, my daughter asked me if we could make sticker art. Of course I said it was OK so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend what her favorite quality about me was. Her answer, "Your car." FML
Today, I found out that the last of my super feminist "I'm never getting tied to a man" college friends got engaged. Apparently, I should have tried that tactic, as my current partner in life is my goldfish. FML
Today, me, a coworker, and my manager were looking at random advertisements. One ad was a picture of three fish. My coworker named them what I thought were completely random names. I said, "Those are stupid names." Turns out those are my manager's kids' names. FML
Today, I met my new roommate. I also met her stuffed animals, who introduced themselves to me. My roommate makes inanimate objects talk. FML
Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML
Today, I overheard my mother telling a friend she got me oven mitts for Christmas. I got her two cruise tickets. I hate to cook. Which she knows. FML
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Top comments
Lucia_Malpense 14
I wonder what sort of stupid things she said, if that's the most intelligent.
zingline89 18
Its probly basst you leave this one alone. I suppose you cod confront her, but I say you should let her off the hook. No need to make her feel gilty for being stupid. Walleye youre at it, aplogize for making fin of her earlier today.
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Comments (34)
Raesin 21
Well, it's got nothing to do with you what she puts on her car. Besides, goldfish are part of the family too!
iGottaFindBubbah 12
**** your life? How does this even affect you op? Anyway, I like the idea and good for the roommate if she's perfectly content having just a goldfish in her life, less stressful if you ask me.
hoffmanam 13
is she legally required to wear a safety bucket over her head in public?
perdix 31
Her stupidity could work to your advantage -- convince her that she and her goldfish should be "on the hook"* for 2/3 of the rent. *No pun intended at first, but given their recent popularity, I left it in.
alexafml 5
She sounds like one of those people who isn't really happy being single, but thinks if she pokes fun at her situation it comes off as content and cute. Actually, it comes off as unapproachable and a bit desperate.
Ziggy122 15
I hate those ******* stickers. Nobody cares about your stupid stick figure family.
crudeandrudeguy 29
Kill the goldfish
Psycho_Babydoll 26
What I want to know is why you consider this as an FML for YOU... it's her car, her stickers, her life. How is a little joke sticker on somebody elses car going to ruin your day? Did it ever occur to you that maybe she's just lonely and her goldfish is the only 'family' she has? Sure, a goldfish isn't quite the same as a cat or a dog but pets are like family to some people. I don't really think you're in any position to bitch about what someone else does with their possessions for their own reasons. It's not like she's trying to stick these things all over your car, is it?
JamieLT 22
I Feel your pain
noelasis94 18
She sounds good to me give her a comedy and vibe and let her work her magic