Health and Love: Out of my mind

Out of my mind

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 769

You deserved it 5 115

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 01:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 428

You deserved it 2 179

I'm OK!

By MAC. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 440

You deserved it 6 023

Caturday surprise!

By keeperstride - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 814

You deserved it 72 127

Boxing

By Holly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 515

You deserved it 32 174

The struggle

By lizi - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 038

You deserved it 823

Freak out

By zAstonish - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 249

You deserved it 4 191

By Myriam - 18/06/2012 16:05 - Maldives - Male

Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 852

You deserved it 3 407

Piss off, basically

By lonelyandcold - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 179

You deserved it 1 910

By sickened - 25/08/2009 14:17 - Philippines

Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 758

You deserved it 68 042

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 850

You deserved it 4 709

Omfgitsmia 15

Saturday 13 June 2015 7:22

Well to be fair, you were pretty doped up. I'm sure they've seen worst.

dewberry2001 25

Saturday 13 June 2015 7:23

I told my nurse she was the "nicest goddamned nurse in all of history."

Comments

esamolwan 18

Saturday 13 June 2015 10:37

when I was doped up I thought the surgery I had was to remove my white feather wings and was really pissed off they had them removed

Llama_Face89 33

Sunday 14 June 2015 5:08

lt's cool. Just have Sinister build you some metal wings.

pugpuggy 21

Saturday 13 June 2015 11:00

One time, waking up from surgery, not only tried to attack my nurse, but also asked if I could go to McDonalds. I don't even like McDonalds! They've probably seen worse!

Miss_Mandi 29

Saturday 13 June 2015 11:20

When I got my wisdom teeth out, I kept giggling like a little school girl at everything my escort said, and when she helped me out of the car I proceeded to dance the two-step with her. I love everyone here's stories, they're great haha. Including yours OP.

Brandi_Faith 33

Saturday 13 June 2015 22:11

I love these stories too! There's nothing better than hearing what people do or say after being drugged up in the hospital!

momac86 17

Saturday 13 June 2015 11:43

Hope you recover from surgery faster than from the embarrassment ;)

AkaPanda 12

Saturday 13 June 2015 12:20

You should have seen something coming. But they have prob seen a lot worse on there time and to them you were probably a bit funny. Don't beat yourself up nothing you could have done.

Brightbulb 39

Saturday 13 June 2015 13:25

i remember waking up from surgery still in the operating room (they had to pull me out of the anesthesia temporarily after my heart stopped the second time) and punching the surgeon in the nuts. I have no idea why I did it, but he wasn't amused when the nurse started giggling and told me about him coming out and throwing up in the hall in front of half the staff in the ward. my next surgery i woke up with my wrists still cuffed to the bed, apparently I am labled as 'combative under anesthesia'

Brandi_Faith 33

Saturday 13 June 2015 22:13

That's hilarious. I love how they labeled you. That term "combative under anesthesia" makes me laugh. Especially when I think there's a whole group of you.