Covid and Weddings: Not now, mom

Not now, mom

By A-train - 13/09/2020 08:01 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, it was supposed to be my wedding day. This is the second time we've had to postpone it. The first was due to COVID, this time the sudden passing of my fiance's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 136

Covid Weddings

Best teeth in the game

Good kid

Best birthday ever!

By lilipalmer - 13/02/2015 06:44 - France

Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 448

You deserved it 3 402

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 17:15 - United States - Noblesville

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 628

You deserved it 5 551

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 18:01 - United States

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 154

You deserved it 4 219

Artificial teeth

By horribleawfulnogoodverybadweek - 15/11/2019 05:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over text because she discovered from my mum that my teeth aren't my natural teeth, and she feels disgusted kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 098

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 29/06/2015 21:52 - United States - Tupelo

Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As I was squatting down, doing my best to clean poop off of his legs and the floor, a wasp flew up my pant leg. I was stung four times before I danced it out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 967

You deserved it 1 797

By Suzie - 18/02/2019 16:00

Today, the family posted my mother in law’s obituary. My husband was listed as a survivor, with no mention of me, while all the other spouses were named. Also listed as a survivor - his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 469

You deserved it 197

By Cora - 16/09/2011 14:10 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. His response was, "Thank god, finally." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 704

You deserved it 9 058

Hidden

By fml9124 - 20/09/2019 14:00

Today, I saw a scorpion crawling across the kitchen floor. While trying to swat it towards the middle of the floor to prevent it from escaping as I looked for something to kill it with, my cat came to investigate. Kitty thought I was playing with a new toy and joined in by batting the scorpion under the oven. I know it's plotting its revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 154

Gamers rise up

By Bruh. - 12/07/2021 04:01

Today, despite the fact that I've lived alone for four years, and have a well-paid job, my father is still whining about, "Why am I still playing video games at age 32?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 117

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 20:00

Today, my father, who I haven't spoken to in over 12 years, contacted me. He just wanted to let me know that I should get tested for a rare neurological disease. The only thing the man has given to me since my conception is potentially a death certificate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 890

You deserved it 105

By sheilob - 24/03/2012 23:06 - Australia - Camden

Today, I witnessed my husband swat a coffee bean over and over again, all the while mistaking it for a fly. I then figured he probably has a lower IQ than I do, which wouldn't be so bad if mine wasn't a few points away from minor retardation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 536

You deserved it 6 284

By Former Drummer - 03/06/2012 21:23 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I was diagnosed with migraines. Any loud sounds or bright lights make it worse. I'm the drummer for a heavy metal band, so I now have to choose between really bad migraines or a career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 072

You deserved it 4 641

Dream baby dream

By so sleepy - 24/04/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, as a lifelong insomnia sufferer, I was having an awful night. After tossing and turning in my bed for several hours, I decided to try sleeping on the couch. Not only did I finally fall asleep, I was having one of the best dreams of my life… Until my neighbor’s brat had a tantrum at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 86

Secrecy

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 22:30 - South Africa

Today, I found out my husband of one year has been renting his old batchelor's apartment in secret, because he is unsure if he wants to stay married to me, and we are broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 77

By mybackhurts - 04/02/2018 15:00

Today, my doctor ordered me an EKG to help my health anxiety. I have panic attacks and feel like my heart is out of rhythm, but my doctors have all told me it’s just in my head. I got the test results. I meet with the cardiologist next week to discuss surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 830

You deserved it 267

By Weirdo - 30/12/2012 18:39 - United States

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 609

You deserved it 40 051

By TriedToHelp - 02/06/2019 14:05

Today, I was volunteering at an Indian hospital through a Canadian volunteer agency after paying $3000. It was my first day, but I got deported for having an incorrect visa. I had a tourist visa when I was supposed to have a "miscellaneous" visa. I got deported for volunteering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 884

You deserved it 482

Locked out

By blank - 21/01/2013 21:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 480

You deserved it 6 367

Live, laugh, love no one

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 23:01

Today, I got flowers from a secret admirer. Turns out they were from my sister's in-laws who own a flower shop. Apparently, everyone feels bad that I'm single and they are convinced I'm gonna die alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 84

By Anonymous - 19/12/2014 10:41 - United States - Athens

Today, I was shocked to notice that my hair has started growing out entirely silver, supposedly due to pregnancy. I'm 19. Apparently, according to my aunt, "It runs in the family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 563

You deserved it 6 703

Yummy

By munckncruncj15 - 22/10/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, at lunch, a fly was buzzing around my food. I managed to kill the fly in my napkin in midair. I continued my lunch, pleased with my amazing ninja skills. When I was done with my lunch, I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I can still taste bug guts. Karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 211

You deserved it 36 824

By Anonymous - 10/08/2019 22:00

Today, I found my boyfriend browsing tablet PCs on the internet. He actually had a tablet until a while ago, but he hardly ever used it. He still has two smartphones, a desktop PC and a laptop he never uses. But yeah, sure, he needs a tablet. Because, "they're cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 252

Denied!

By Cyrah - 16/07/2019 18:15 - United States

Today, I got rejected from participating in a depression study that provides free medication, for not already being on antidepressants. That's because I can't afford health insurance or medication, which is why I applied to the study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 287

You deserved it 265

By Justkillme - 15/11/2018 03:00

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've been seeing. He confessed that he gave me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 613

You deserved it 410

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 16:00

Today, the guy I've been talking to for two months told me he hooked up with a girl last night, before blocking me on everything. I also was with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 810

You deserved it 176

Thanks buddy

By jackmehoffa - 03/04/2012 18:10 - United States - Green Bay

Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 700

You deserved it 5 838

By patate - 02/05/2017 20:00

Today, I was yelled at and almost fired for showing up "late" to work. I was the first one here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 737

You deserved it 317

By karengoeswest - 16/08/2018 15:00

Today, my coworker was talking about how he's met the man of his dreams and they've been dating for 3 months. He showed me a picture of them at Niagara Falls last weekend. His new boyfriend is my husband, who was supposedly on a business trip in Boston. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 895

You deserved it 255

By Anonymous - 10/10/2013 05:25 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 350

You deserved it 3 204

Love hurts

By wray16 - 26/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 107

You OK?

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 11:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, while I was working in the drive-through at work, a lady was wearing kitchen oven-mitts and a snorkeling mask instead of gloves and a mask to pick up her prescription. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that I'm not my girlfriend's only boyfriend. The other guy sells shoes on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 110

By anonymous - 17/03/2015 05:09 - United States - Spokane

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 997

You deserved it 4 070

By rozsrredd - 08/07/2014 05:41 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my husband told me he was going to search from store to store in order to find my birthday gift. What was he really doing? His girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 962

You deserved it 4 156

By cashier - 12/07/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, I was trying to clean the belt of my register at work at a grocery store. I noticed two strips of rubber stuck in the corner of the belt, and after pulling on them periodically all morning one finally came loose. It was a foot. I had been pulling at a dead rat trapped in the belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 513

You deserved it 3 302

Fuck paddleboarders

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 00:01 - United States - Miami Beach

Today, some paddleboarders screamed bloody murder and called marine patrol on my family's friends, because the paddleboarders thought they were going to get hit or run over or whatever, even though they were politely asked to move out of the way multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 176

Decisions, decisions

By Anonymous - 08/07/2020 17:00

Today, my marriage is one week away. Despite all the challenges we faced during COVID, we powered through everything. Today is also the day my work decided to tell me they're letting me go. I now have to either go on my improvised honeymoon or job hunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 110

By Anonymous - 14/09/2013 20:09 - United States - North Kingstown

Today, my psycho girlfriend tried to blackmail me into giving her money, threatening to show everyone the nude pictures I recently sent her. Except the pictures on her phone that she threatened me with weren't even of me. Nice to know I'm also being cheated on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 338

You deserved it 5 043

By myheart75 - 07/08/2011 09:52 - Australia

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 466

You deserved it 5 861

By georgiana072 - 22/09/2009 07:36 - Philippines

Today, as I was coming out of the ladies' room, I saw a guy glancing at me. A few minutes later, I saw him coming at me at a fast rate. I decided to run from him. As I got out of the building and into a cab, I saw him from the window waving my phone at me. He was just trying to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 590

You deserved it 47 379

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 13 September 2020 16:47

Strike two! Let's just hope he doesn't find out that you have an "outie" belly button.

ojoRojo 27

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Sunday 13 September 2020 18:17

That’s so sad. I’m sorry for your loss...third time’s a charm?

Comments

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 13 September 2020 16:47

Strike two! Let's just hope he doesn't find out that you have an "outie" belly button.

Christina Winden 19

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Sunday 13 September 2020 19:56

Nice throw back

Mooglefox 23

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Sunday 13 September 2020 20:04

Ok I don’t get this.

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 13 September 2020 20:06

Yesterday there was a story about a girl who got dumped for having an outie.

queenwolfblood 7

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Sunday 13 September 2020 21:18

lmao I'm dead🤣🤣🤣💀💀

TxKitten 8

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Sunday 13 September 2020 17:39

I'm so sorry omp.

ojoRojo 27

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Sunday 13 September 2020 18:17

That’s so sad. I’m sorry for your loss...third time’s a charm?

Wadlaen 21

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Sunday 13 September 2020 23:06

My deepest condolences, both for the loss of your mother in law and the further postponing of your wedding - I wish you the best of luck and hope you will be able to have a wedding soon! In addition, I'm always curious what kind of people push the 'You deserved it'-button on FMLs like these, 'cause in my opinion I don't think anyone deserves this...