By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Love Hurts

Today, I learned that one of my friends is in love with me. How did I find out? A punch to the face from the boy she's supposed to be in a relationship with, for "coaxing her away" from him. FML

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3730

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Love

Sorry…

Weirdo geek freaks out

Love is hell

By I love my furry babies

Today, I got a hamster against my wife's will. I can't wait until she wakes up and I have to tell her it's loose in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

667

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2443

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, the cockroach infestation at my house has gotten so bad that I can now tell the difference between male and female cockroaches. FML

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22546

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received my new cell phone and activated my account. As part of the package, I get to choose five numbers that I can call without using any minutes. I could still only think of three numbers I call regularly: my parent's house, my mom's cell and my ex's cell. FML

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48980

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By Anonynonynon - United States - Kansas City

Today, I'm working for a company that makes over a million dollars a year, yet leaves me with no choice but to pee in a cup because they won't pay to fix the only toilet in the building. FML

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31696

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking to work and saw three guys sitting at a table outside. One of the guys looks at me and says to his friends, "That's the girl that works at the grocery store. She replaced the hot chick." The other two guys glared at me. FML

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46791

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By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML

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65903

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By pissedandpoor - United States - Meadville

Today, my wallet got stolen. I had a bunch of cash, my SS card and my license in it. Now I have to replace everything, only to have to renew my license again when I turn 21 in June. FML

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18922

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2935

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By MeowApp - Australia - Melbourne

Today, in my early morning haze, I tried to find the setting on my phone that would stop my cat meowing for his breakfast. FML

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6184

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1338

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By John-John - United States - Jackson

Today, I got break-up text. She called me a poor, broke, little dick, sorry excuse for a man and said that my mom should have swallowed me "as an egg". She also said that no one could ever want me. Thing is, I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6796

You deserved it

426

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By blehhh - United States

Today, I went to see my gynecologist. She was writing my symptoms up in my chart on her computer. After a little while, I noticed that she had a confused look on her face and was reading something instead. When I took a peek at the computer screen, I saw that she was Googling my symptoms. FML

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97995

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By Anonymous - United States - Lakeland

Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML

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By xrebeccalou - United States

Today, I went to my long-distance boyfriend's party. His best friend was talking to me and trying to make conversation, he asked, "So, are you two official?" I responded with a definite yes, but was cut off mid-word by my boyfriend, who quickly said, "No, not really." Sorry, I wasn't aware, darling. FML

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33363

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4330

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By Noguestlist

Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML

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32430

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By psychopumpkin - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

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43092

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7287

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By kaleigh - United States

Today, as I was walking out of a restaurant with my boyfriend, I saw some guys checking me out. One of them walked up to my boyfriend and said, "Dude, you and your girlfriend have matching moustaches!" FML

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41707

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2020 20:08

Cash dispenser

Today, my daughter is engaged to her soon-to-be fifth husband. She's 32 and refuses to believe she's the problem in relationships, and she wants me to pay for this wedding. FML

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1823

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166

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2020 20:00

Tinfoil hat wearers are everywhere

Today, I overheard my mom on the phone ranting about how China "engineered and released" the coronavirus and the giant hornets in an attempt to take over the world. Only one more month of quarantine left. FML

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1421

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238

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By hakura madada - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML

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9226

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27520

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By bluewinter - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my best friend's birthday party. After about 15 minutes, I noticed a girl, possibly one of his sister's friends, wearing the same shirt as me. I am a 23 year old bloke. She didn't look a day over 14. FML

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38042

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By FailureAtLife121 - United States

Today, I was at Disneyland with some of my friends. While eating lunch, we watched a small child get frightened by the person dressed as Mickey Mouse. We all burst out laughing only to be jumped by Chip and Dale. Apparently I scream louder than the little kid. FML

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10117

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 02:02

Overreaction much?

Today, I accidentally washed the jacket my mother bought me in the washing machine. I didn't know it was supposed to be dry cleaned. My mother ended up crying and screaming that I don't love her, and this would be the last time she ever buys me anything. FML

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851

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294

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the bakery I work at. A man came in to pick up a cake he said he ordered, but we could find neither the cake nor the order form. He yelled at me about being 'incompetent' before remembering that he had ordered the cake from a different bakery. FML

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38012

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2989

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while driving home with my boyfriend, we started discussing how clean our driving records were. I was boasting about how I'd never been in an accident when I hit a moose. FML

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11812

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By unwantedforlife - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me but wanted to make sure that we were still friends, so he could still use my Netflix. FML

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48871

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML

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41545

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By MaudlinMasters - 5/1/2021 02:01

Things can only get better

Today, marks the 8-month anniversary of receiving my Masters degree. It also marks 8 months of depression and unemployment because the dream job in my field I was promised before graduation was rescinded due to COVID-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1029

You deserved it

102

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By Rich - United States

Today, my parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday. It looked like one I had bought for myself a couple of days earlier but I thanked them and went to hang it in my closet. An empty hanger hung where I placed the shirt I had purchased. They gave me my shirt for my birthday. FML

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116893

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5541

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By svenska75 - France - Paris

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

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36779

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3802

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By facepalm - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I received my first negative feedback on my otherwise flawless eBay record. The woman who bought the item said it wasn't as delicious as she was expecting, so there must be something wrong with it. What was I selling? A new and unopened lipstick. FML

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30420

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By sickbaby - Singapore

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That's right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn't walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don't believe I was having an attack. FML

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45315

You deserved it

3220

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By Ian - United States

Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards that doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a maxi-pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a maxi-pad on my butt. FML

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108358

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By Fatass - United States - Knoxville

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

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40625

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

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15943

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I sent an email to a girl I like about how I really feel about her. She later replied "Real funny, tell Michael to change his password!" FML

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33063

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4620

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By pixkalexi - United States - North Easton

Today, I have an upset stomach. Every other minute, it sounds like Chewbacca is screaming to get out. FML

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39927

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4838

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By thatgirl34 - Australia

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

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11285

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18628

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By Noname - United States

Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML

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40070

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on my first day of a new factory job, I discovered that my new boss had lied to me about my hours. I found this out when my coworkers burst out laughing when I mentioned having the weekends off, and talking about my recreational plans. FML

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25480

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By notalcoholic - Philippines

Today, my roommate gave me a self-help book on alcoholism for my birthday. He's an alcoholic. I gave him that book around 8 months ago. FML

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27980

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By Prinpette - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

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31177

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7535424 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 4:32

Oh, you coax sucker!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7535489 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 10:49

Ahhh, good old teenage days where you beat up your love rivalry. Now that I'm older and wiser, it's not something I would personally do. That's why I pay some homie to do it for me.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7535424 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 4:32

Oh, you coax sucker!

By Little Richard | 10

#7535430 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 6:05

For the punch, now you have to bang her!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7535489 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 10:49

Ahhh, good old teenage days where you beat up your love rivalry. Now that I'm older and wiser, it's not something I would personally do. That's why I pay some homie to do it for me.

8313girl | 28

#7535648 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 19:47

A bully for hire!

By Rafa1210 | 4

#7535628 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 18:28

Did you punch him back though?

By beybmoo | 15

#7535967 - Thursday 31 August 2017 13:06

So are you in love with her too?

By jfsiv | 17

#7536188 - Friday 1 September 2017 0:42

Is she hot? A punch to the face might be worth it!

By ARISKomuniszt | 24

#7541896 - Saturday 16 September 2017 22:41

It sounds like it's her fault... maybe you could start a punching circle?

By fatbody | 5

#7542734 - Tuesday 19 September 2017 4:51

nae home slice you gotta fuck him up now son