By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Love Hurts

Today, I learned that one of my friends is in love with me. How did I find out? A punch to the face from the boy she's supposed to be in a relationship with, for "coaxing her away" from him. FML

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Love

Understandable

Sorry…

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

By Foxy - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my long time boyfriend and found out I'm severely allergic to latex. I also found out that my family doctor had been transferred to the ER. He went to play golf with my dad later. FML

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23540

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3523

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was startled awake at 4am by a loud and awful sound. Completely serious, I asked my fiancé if he had just shit his pants. His response: giggles followed by a softly whispered "maybe". FML

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42023

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By Pain_intolerant - Canada

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

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28382

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By Nickel

Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML

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3817

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239

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By Anonymous

Looking for another one!

Today, I finally got a Christmas gift, a calligraphy set, for my father that I have been looking for for a month. My dad came home happily with the same calligraphy set today, saying that he surprised himself for Christmas. He got it cheaper than me. FML

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2028

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211

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By Anonymous - United States - Milford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over the phone, after having left me to look after her dog while she went on a 2-week vacation with her family. Now I have to choose between paying for a kennel for her damn dog or taking care of it every day until she gets back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27062

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2414

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By soapgirl - Philippines

Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9398

You deserved it

64839

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By Jessie - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1734

You deserved it

256

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By minnie - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

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53638

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6876

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By unknown relationship - United States - Shorewood

Today, after working at my job for months, I quit. Why? My boss tried to convince me that we are in a secret relationship after he told me he loved me. FML

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47304

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3134

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By AnnoyedWoman - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I went camping with my husband not too far from our house. We got our tent pitched up, stove ready and roll-out bed out. He then said, "I'm just gonna go for a walk." It had been about an hour before I decided to go find him. He had walked home to play CoD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49327

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5570

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By Manu - United States - Columbia

Today, I went to get my first manicure. While waiting, I looked at the menu board. When I wondered aloud: "I know what a French manicure is, but what on Earth is a Polish change?" The whole place started laughing and I guess I'm not going back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5683

You deserved it

1559

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By Lonile13 - Philippines

Today, after 2 years and 5 months, my boyfriend finally found my clitoris. FML

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18048

You deserved it

5335

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By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

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43724

You deserved it

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By hi Mum - United States - North Charleston

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

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60131

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By Anonymous - United States - Hermiston

Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML

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37333

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky. He pulled off my panties and was about to go down on me when he said, "Wait, what's this white thing?" It was a piece of toilet paper. FML

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40736

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By unsuspcted - United States

Today, my son told me to grow a pair and ask my girlfriend of a year and a half to marry me. He is 7 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14902

You deserved it

37200

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By lawdy

Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4359

You deserved it

599

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Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it despite working full time and I part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML

I agree, your life sucks

3132

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320

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By kronic1990 - United Kingdom

Today, I tripped over a "wet floor" sign at work and hit the floor hard. The floor wasn't even wet. FML

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31113

You deserved it

4781

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By Anonymous - United States - Tulsa

Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39922

You deserved it

3541

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By B - United States

Today, my wife screamed at me, calling me a "useless, ungrateful piece of crap", all because I wouldn't have sex with her, despite hours of her nagging. I said no because I've been laid-up in bed for the past week waiting on surgery for an excruciatingly painful hernia. FML

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38316

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By muzikmaler91 - United States

Pizzzaaaaaaa

Today, I called Pizza Hut to order a pizza. A voice recording was reading me their specials. The man had a horrible country accent so I began to make fun of it. Then I realized it was an actual person on the line. FML

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7503

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By Anonymous

Proud

Today, I found a "White Power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML

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13581

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By tryingtoberomantic - Australia

Too much of a good thing

Today, I took my boyfriend out to dinner to an expensive restaurant. He overate, and now I have to nurse him through food poisoning. FML

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1328

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216

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML

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46414

You deserved it

4219

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By hatemyjob - Australia

Today, I found out that the new receptionist earns more than I do. I'm an undergraduate accountant and I've been working there for 2 years. Oh and I started out as the receptionist before I got a "promotion". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33652

You deserved it

2469

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found a video of my girlfriend having sex with her male best friend on her computer. When I confronted her about it she said it was from before we met. In the video, she was wearing the engagement ring I bought her. FML

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62718

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By cheated - United States

Today, I came home from a weekend trip with some friends, and walked straight in on my girlfriend cheating on me. She burst into tears and began apologizing. Her exact words were "I'm so sorry! I thought you were coming back tomorrow." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49224

You deserved it

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By JAY22 - United States

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

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223419

You deserved it

35642

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By squirts

Today, I arrived home after leaving for college in August. My dad figured that the most appropriate way to welcome me back was a loud, piercing fart right when I walked through the front door. FML

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37124

You deserved it

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By assholedad - United States - Dayton

Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML

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46117

You deserved it

5078

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was wanking and started thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML

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34979

You deserved it

6260

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By neverleavingthehouseagain - United Kingdom - Epsom

Today, my ex, for whom I still have feelings, introduced me to his new girlfriend. To make things "less awkward," he invited a mutual friend of ours. However, the last time I'd seen this friend, it was a week after my ex and I had broke up, and we hooked up. Awkward doesn't cover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22652

You deserved it

5509

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By Anonymous - India

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33167

You deserved it

5371

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By K.H - Sweden

Today, I was reading in my bed, and my cat was lying on my chest. I noticed something white on my cat's leg. I'm far-sighted and wasn't wearing my glasses, so I didn't see what it was. I touched it and put on my glasses. Turns out it was a worm hanging out of my cat's anus. It started wiggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44034

You deserved it

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By worsethanzombies - Spain

Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34019

You deserved it

4851

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By Chelsea - United States

Today, during some previews before the new Harry Potter movie, a guy stood up and led the audience in an enthusiastic and rather successful chant "H-A-R-R-Y!". Minutes later when I attempted to do the same thing, I was pelted with half-full bags of popcorn, freezing sodas, and booing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13177

You deserved it

84978

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after lifting a 20 pound box of oranges for a woman at work, she turned around to say "Your acne needs help." I still had to tell her to have a good day. FML

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29053

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7535424 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 4:32

Oh, you coax sucker!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7535489 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 10:49

Ahhh, good old teenage days where you beat up your love rivalry. Now that I'm older and wiser, it's not something I would personally do. That's why I pay some homie to do it for me.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7535424 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 4:32

Oh, you coax sucker!

By Little Richard | 10

#7535430 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 6:05

For the punch, now you have to bang her!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7535489 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 10:49

Ahhh, good old teenage days where you beat up your love rivalry. Now that I'm older and wiser, it's not something I would personally do. That's why I pay some homie to do it for me.

8313girl | 28

#7535648 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 19:47

A bully for hire!

By Rafa1210 | 4

#7535628 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 18:28

Did you punch him back though?

By beybmoo | 15

#7535967 - Thursday 31 August 2017 13:06

So are you in love with her too?

By jfsiv | 17

#7536188 - Friday 1 September 2017 0:42

Is she hot? A punch to the face might be worth it!

By ARISKomuniszt | 24

#7541896 - Saturday 16 September 2017 22:41

It sounds like it's her fault... maybe you could start a punching circle?

By fatbody | 5

#7542734 - Tuesday 19 September 2017 4:51

nae home slice you gotta fuck him up now son