Love: Looking like a fool...

Looking like a fool...

By Pantsontheground - 09/08/2018 12:30 - United States - New York

Today, my pants kept falling down. Since I didn't have a belt on, I decided to tuck the waistband around my underwear to keep them in place. While on a date, I tried to adjust my pants, but ended up pulling them down along with my boxers. In the middle of a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 2 921

Love

Taking stock

Chuds

Ed Sheeran-lite

Subjective

By whyyyyy - 17/05/2020 23:00

Today, after months of dating, I finally saw my boyfriend naked. Turns out he has a micropenis. I assured him that I like him for who he was and that we could explore other things. He said no, because oral and sex toys are "immoral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 925

You deserved it 296

By prostitott - 04/05/2013 07:22

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 415

You deserved it 15 345

By Pissed.Off.Mom. - 06/10/2016 05:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 180

You deserved it 2 515

By iwearsilkgownstoeatwaffles - 12/08/2013 14:30 - United States - Mabank

Today, my 26-year-old boyfriend came to my apartment to spend the night for the first time. He brought a "blankie" that he insisted was the only thing that could help him sleep. That "blankie" was his ex-girlfriend's silk nightgown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 802

You deserved it 4 394

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 976

You deserved it 6 519

By Tyler - 03/08/2009 18:48 - United States

Today, I got a lovely little surprise after I got out of the shower. That lovely little surprise? I got stung in the scrotum by a hornet that had decided to nestle itself inside the towel I was drying off with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 975

You deserved it 3 247

By heathenapparently - 16/02/2019 20:00

Today, while driving me to the airport for a trip to Japan, my mother started crying. When I asked her why, she said, "I just know that if the plane crashes, I will never see you again because you are going to hell." Thank you, mom. I love you too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 515

You deserved it 224

By N - 27/11/2012 03:13 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after being single for a while now, I unwillingly went on a blind date with a guy my friend convinced me would be perfect for me. He took me to McDonald's; his father was with him the whole entire time. He is 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 198

You deserved it 2 339

Assumptions

By navi - 11/03/2021 11:01

Today, my dad once again had to help me with my technological issues. Isn’t it usually the other way around? FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 383

Meltdown

By hey Siri save me! - 15/07/2021 04:01

Today, like most days, my mom screamed at me for not knowing the answer to one of her random questions. When I told her she could easily Google it or ask Siri, she went full nuclear meltdown and raged, "I’m not asking that bitch Siri, I’m asking YOU!" The words "batshit crazy" come to mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 81

By InnocenceBlue - 31/07/2019 12:00

Today, I finally managed to get my electrician boyfriend to agree to replace our old lights, after a year of asking. Saturday, he couldn't be bothered and Sunday he came down with a mysterious man flu. This is about the 10th time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 287

By Anonymous - 24/11/2014 18:47 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I decided to check out a dating site, when I stumbled across my ex wife's profile. She'd had it for four out of the five years of our marriage. And no, it didn't rate us as a good match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 746

You deserved it 3 843

By holyshart - 05/06/2012 09:03 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 474

You deserved it 2 561

By puppielover - 21/08/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, my step-mom informed me that she and my dad will not be attending my wedding because they will be at a NASCAR race. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 892

You deserved it 3 706

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 15:34 - United States - Bellaire

Today, my boyfriend accidentally broke my nose the day he was meeting my parents for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 318

You deserved it 2 405

By Anonymous - 24/10/2011 09:47 - United States

Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 925

You deserved it 51 163

By trappedinmyownhome - 15/07/2015 02:11

Today, I was having a dinner party. My guests were getting along really well. I mean, really well; it turns out they all went to the same high school. For the next five hours, I hosted a high school reunion for a school I didn't even go to, in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 433

You deserved it 2 818

Mirror mirror

By Anonymous - 05/05/2013 15:53 - United States

Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 766

You deserved it 8 639

By lawdy - 21/05/2017 20:00

Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 385

You deserved it 603

By ShouldBeSingleSoon - 26/03/2013 04:15 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my boyfriend, who moved in about a month ago, decided he wanted to move back out. Why? Because I don't keep my place clean enough for him. This, coming from the same man who refuses to wash or clean anything because "that's what women are for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 171

You deserved it 10 123

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 01:19 - United States - Evansville

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 622

You deserved it 3 914

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 13:17 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 649

You deserved it 5 094

No wings

By David - 15/08/2020 17:07

Today, I was at work and got chest pains and a headache so bad, I vomited. My supervisor took my blood pressure twice and it was dangerously high both times. I went to the hospital, and after 3 hours of waiting, I got the most expensive lecture ever on drinking too many energy drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 2 642

By Anonymous - 25/08/2018 18:30

Today, while waiting for my interview to start, I tried to slip out a silent fart. It ended with shit running down my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 534

You deserved it 1 308

By Acolyte of the Bacon God - 15/02/2013 19:50 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 011

You deserved it 10 356

By Samipearl - 12/11/2010 14:06 - United States

Today, while at a restaurant with my boyfriend, a piece of ice got stuck in my throat. I couldn't get his attention until after it melted because he was busy checking in on foursquare. When he finally noticed my freaking out and I told him what had happened, he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 416

You deserved it 6 372

By SHRINKY - 23/12/2016 14:31

Today, we were looking forward to spending x-mas eve with our best friends of 13 years before moving across the country where we know no one. That was the plan. The stomach flu virus has a different plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 468

You deserved it 456

By saraleerocha - 02/11/2010 06:20 - France

Today, I was cashier at work. The line came to a stop, but there was still people there. I kept saying next, but no one moved. I finally looked over the counter where there was a lady who had been standing there the whole time. She was a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 780

You deserved it 14 279

By bad luck Bianca - 17/01/2015 22:30 - United States - Houston

Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 780

You deserved it 10 175

By TukTuk - 27/10/2014 21:18 - Germany - Weinb?hla

Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique mirror after discovering a stack of papers behind the back board. I finally got hold of one corner, and pulled out - a newspaper from 2007 and instructions for an IKEA bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 135

You deserved it 5 032

By Melie-Melo - 16/12/2008 07:55 - United Kingdom

Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the cooker and the heater in the flat I've just moved into, my boiler dies. It's mid December, about 1 degree outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 046

You deserved it 2 151

By anonymous - 22/11/2009 20:23 - United States

Today, I got a text from a woman containing many naked pictures of her. Apparently she meant to send those to her boyfriend whose number is one digit from mine. The bad part? My girlfriend was using my phone when I received that message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 514

You deserved it 2 964

By really? - 13/04/2013 09:21 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My family put a bouquet of balloons outside my room for me to find when I woke up. I walked out of my room, saw the balloons, screamed, and fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 448

You deserved it 24 095

By ilovemom - 01/12/2009 06:20 - Costa Rica

Today, after reading a very emotional article about always letting your loved ones know how much you love them in case it's your last time seeing them, I went to my mom and told her how much I loved her and how thankful I was for everything. Her reply? "Shut up kid, Vince Vaughn is on Ellen". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 908

You deserved it 4 543

By B - 18/12/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I got a Christmas present from my boss. It was an ab workout video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 293

You deserved it 4 645

By Anonymous - 10/02/2014 15:40 - United States

Today, I accidentally asked the cashier at Wendy's how much their 99 cent chicken nuggets were. I guess he is still laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 952

You deserved it 21 056

Can you hear me, Dave?

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 05:02 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, my dad started Skype-ing with his long-distance friend. They’re both almost 90, barely have their hearing, and can't stop shouting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 174

By jbthedude - 05/08/2011 09:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that airbags aren't nearly as comfy as they look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 900

You deserved it 4 568

By lol - 06/12/2009 14:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I sneezed while brushing my teeth and ended up with toothpaste in my eye. I haven't been able to see for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 705

You deserved it 4 002

By fuck - 16/12/2014 21:04 - Norway - Slemmestad

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 457

You deserved it 37 267

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Top comments

jen_jalapeno 10

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Thursday 9 August 2018 19:49

Wear clothes that fit on dates and ones that don’t at home lol

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Thursday 9 August 2018 19:03

"Hey, I didn't order the meat and two veg!"

Casey Bullock 9

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Thursday 9 August 2018 18:41

I guess u guys are “all out”

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Thursday 9 August 2018 19:03

"Hey, I didn't order the meat and two veg!"

jen_jalapeno 10

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Thursday 9 August 2018 19:49

Wear clothes that fit on dates and ones that don’t at home lol

1gullible_bugger 33

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Thursday 9 August 2018 20:02

Get a belt!

Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20

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Thursday 9 August 2018 20:31

And this, fellow gentlemen is why you ALWAYS wear a belt.

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 9 August 2018 20:34

You’re a flasher! Keep practicing that story for the cops, though.

Davros 12

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Thursday 9 August 2018 20:40

Yell meat gazers as you penguin walk out of the restaurant as fast as you can.

real life problems 26

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Thursday 9 August 2018 21:12

Well did she order the sausage later or not?

Glowworm56 25

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Thursday 9 August 2018 21:58

So will you be seeing her again?

tounces7 27

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Friday 10 August 2018 6:16

Well hopefully you're genetically blessed and you might see her again. If not, don't expect a 2nd date.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 127

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 298

Looking like a fool...

Subjective

Assumptions

Meltdown

Mirror mirror

No wings

Can you hear me, Dave?

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