Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 a.m. because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML
Today, my girlfriend accidentally put rubbish in the neighbour's bin. Then the old lady took all the rubbish out and threw it on the floor. I came out and tried to calm the situation, but then my girlfriend ran downstairs and tipped her cat food and cat milk bowls over. FML
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
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Top comments
Ladiesman247 0
Oscar the Grouch? :3
jsgunner420 0
Maybe it WAS watching her!
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Comments (171)
jsgunner420 0
Maybe it WAS watching her!
Sportsfan86 3
Maybe it was that other FML's neighbour with the wifi password "TheRapistDownstairs" staring at her from the trashcan.
OneBigMessUp 5
I lol'd :)
GrammerNazi1000 8
Or maybe it was just the hobo hiding inside...
eurekaroy 6
I totally already said that.
mitri_fml 3
Guess you were tricked by his epic disguise.
EvilPotato 15
that could be a good scary movie
eurekaroy 6
I meant to say that to the guy above you lol
andrewzzz 0
it was oscar
eurekaroy 6
Its okay:)
glenzhao2 16
There was probably a hobo in said trashcan. I always feel like...somebody's watching meee!!
McDougal2013 0
She was giving you a bunch of garbage when she said that.
Pixxio_O 11
That's just dissin' hobos
PsychoXtheXrapis 3
Why are so many of these comnents thumbed down? Are FML'ers that cynical that you need a REALLY good joke to get thumbs? **** this, I'd rather deal with youtube.
TheRealHouse 7
I would have put her in the garbage can and then went back to bed
CryMoreFMLs 15
95 - FML isn't about ***** n' giggles.... Someones haavingg a hissyyyyfiiitttt.......
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
its climbin' in through yo windows, snatchin' yo rubbish up!
njgohard 16
I always feel like/somebody's watching me And I have no privacy...
tandem123 6
It feels like... Someone... Wants to sell me Something!!!
CianaBanana 2
... Gieco money stack? I think so.
Senior29 8
it cud seriously be a ninja in disguise!
Ladiesman247 0
Oscar the Grouch? :3
eminemchick 19
yes, did you think of checking INSIDE the trash can?
starsfan_9 7
2 - Hahaha, that was the first thing that I thought of when I read this
DropTheDaggerxx 31
If he goes inside the trashcan, then he'll wind up in Grouchland!
takanuva0123 0
Kids: Oscar you are such a grouch! Oscar: BITCH I LIVE IN A ******* TRASHCAN!!!! IM THE POOREST ************ ON SESAME STREET!!! NOBODY'S HELPING ME!!!!!
IndiRae 9
^^^ The truth behind that sad green bastard.
TurkTurkleton 0
Hell yes for the Dave Chapelle reference
commietaco 0
your mom changed my opinion of sesame street. ooooohhhh burnnn! I don't get it.....
eminemchick 19
^thats not the right way to eat pussy;)
HowAreYouToday 34
Lolz
HomeAl0ne 20
Anyone think of checking for gnomes? They're sneaky little *******.
cbaidchris 6
44 - gotta love chappelle haha. "they even had the nerve to put a pimp on the show. they didn't come out and call him a pimp but I know a pimp when I see one. he had the cape and everything. they called him the count. how many slaps do I have to give you?? ahh oneeee ahhh twoooo ahhh threee. threee slapssss aaahh-ahhh-ahhh"
tastymonsterkake 0
i hope you at least had sex afterwards.... hahaha
nixter5 18
Jeez, and I thought WE were supposed to be the pervs...
leblancG 0
Women are dirty,some just dont want you to know
whcwtexan 0
#20 is correct to a degree. Not all woman of course, but if you do find one, oh boy it's fun, dirty dirty fun! :)
marinus_fml 20
#20 I think you're right.
josh8215 21
Maybe she knew it was just a trash can, and wanted sex as an ulterior motive, but I doubt it. On the bright side, I'm sure they at least cuddled after, assumming OP didn't act mad for being woken up for that.
prince122 0
10 we still are pervs.
tandem123 6
We men are the real pervs
eurekaroy 6
Probably the hobo that lives in the trash can. O_o
peaceloveride 0
very possible
GoodLookingGeese 10
or some obnoxious alien..
MariJ82 14
Lol :)
floopnshcoop 0
Your girl friend is whack
MizzErikaHart 8
I instantly thought "tweeker..."
sxe_beast 11
No she's not! THE MIDGETS ENSLAVED BY THE ILLUMINATI ARE IMPRISONED IN TRASH CANS AND ARE FORCED TO SPY ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Prolusive 5
Bin there, done that...
Jdeluxh 12
Was that a clever Bin Laden joke? (since he used to be pretty good at hiding)
IndiRae 9
I was think more along the lines of a trash 'bin'. That would be much more relative anyway.
EvilPotato 15
6 I see what you did there.
IAmNotAnAnimal 9
33- "Used to be" We shot that mutha fucka in the face. Amurrica, **** YEAH!
IndiRae 9
102- How can you even be sure that you guys did kill him? The little ****** was 'buried at sea' and no one ever even saw his body. You better hope that diver finds him, otherwise there's a suicidal terrorist zombie on the loose.
gribbles 12
America ftw!
mahomie97 7
33 haha that juss made my day :)
Jdeluxh 12
37- Oh yeah. That makes a lot more sense.
stevieb123 7
Lol
GrammerNazi1000 8
"Lol" is not an acceptable response.
MizzErikaHart 8
Lol
flockz 20
lolol
aligiorav 11
Lolololololololololol!!!!!11!1!!1!1!!11! Hopefully thats enough of that for everyone, and the end of it
flockz 20
(takes in deep agonizing breath, looks left then right, starts to feel how much pain is being put on by the amount of air in lungs, so much about to explode...) Lol, no.
jbo116 0
LOL!
Wookies 2
The trash cans are conspiring against us.
masterkickass 1
Your a loser
hailphire130 0
126-*You're stupid as hell.
stepherly 5
Many people wake up at 5 am ... This is hardly an FML.
TrollFeeder 10
Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife. Cause Oscar the Grouch is stalking errbody out there.
mgsoloist 14
I just stared at your pic for a solid 2 minutes.