Today I watched my 90 year-old father-in-law's friend dip an entire piece of bread into her wine glass, swish it around with her fork, and then eat it. In a restaurant. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML
Today, I was eating out at a restaurant with my family. My dad had drained most of our bottle of wine, so thinking he'd be a little less uptight than usual, I reached over to pour myself some. He swatted my hand away and started yelling at me for being a "degenerate drunk". FML
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML
Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML
Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML
Today, I noticed that my 80-year-old mother has gone through 50+ bottles of my home-made wine. She only moved in with me a month ago. And now I have no wine. FML
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
Today, I am completely mortified. At my father-in-law's funeral, my husband put a bottle of beer on the coffin and announced to the room his dad was such a tight-fisted sod, it was the first drink he’d ever had on him. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
The_Real_Cvh 10
If you’ve made it that far in life you’ve earned the right to do whatever you want and not worry about people who go “**** my life” when they see you do it.
Mad Jack 4
At that age she has the right to not give a ****.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (3)
The_Real_Cvh 10
If you’ve made it that far in life you’ve earned the right to do whatever you want and not worry about people who go “**** my life” when they see you do it.
Hangryko 32
Maybe she has soft teeth.
jlc82 14
she can use whatever she wants dlbl...mind your own plate and food and everyone else can mind theirs
DLBL 23
Teeth so soft they can't handle bread. Poor lady.
Mad Jack 4
At that age she has the right to not give a ****.