Customers, Religion and Work: Forgive me

Forgive me

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the Crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 767

You deserved it 4 301

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

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Same thing different taste

For life

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got my first tattoo. When I showed my boyfriend, he asked where I got the design. I told him I saw it in a sketch book of his. He designed it for his last girlfriend, who got it in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 321

You deserved it 62 249

Suspicious

By StevieMe - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 781

You deserved it 99 785

Lucky

By mislabelled mother - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I got my first tattoo. I didn't realise that the font I chose uses a fancy capital L that can easily be mistaken for a capital F. It looks like I have "I'm A Good Fuck Charm" tattooed on my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 977

You deserved it 6 196

Paranoid

By MaddyN - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Forest Grove

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 034

You deserved it 3 520

Caturday surprise!

By keeperstride - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 814

You deserved it 72 129

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 851

You deserved it 4 710

Back to square one

By nurseITHINKNOT - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally started my job as an in-home caregiver. The man I was hired to care for died two hours after I made it to his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 797

You deserved it 3 947

Taking the piss

By Mug - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 238

You deserved it 2 221

I'm confused

By confusedbagel - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 499

You deserved it 4 083

Snappy

By DamnDogs - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work as a groomer's assistant, my boss said something that I didn't catch as I went to take a leash off a dog. I looked at my boss and said, "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 733

You deserved it 5 726

zingline89 18

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:08

Did it take him 3 days to rise? If so, you're not very good.

winfieldALJD 6

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:34

I love how the FML Team can't be thumbed up or down.

Comments

zingline89 18

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:08

Did it take him 3 days to rise? If so, you're not very good.

Kolden 11

Friday 23 November 2012 0:33

Oooooooooooh, that was amazing.

ManInTheMachine 19

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:08

Christ compells thee to get on thine knees!

lostcrazydiamond 10

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:10

You know, some believe ****** is a time of spiritual connection. Just how violated did Jesus get? :p

TrailblazerSS 5

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:11

Maybe Jesus liked it!

TrailblazerSS 5

Thursday 22 November 2012 18:43

Sorry #4 didn't see your comment.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:12

Well at least it wasn't a Virgin Mary tattoo, right?

Spectre529 12

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:15

I Bet they both liked it =p

FlyingPie 17

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:16

Let's hope Jesus did knot mind.

lostcrazydiamond 10

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:19

He probably kneaded that.

ManInTheMachine 19

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:26

I'm sure it rubbed him the right way.

jep00 8

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:18

Aha

laurensauren 9

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:35

Some of the FMLs posted lately are ridiculous.

rivaraven 35

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:41

Well let's hope it felt good for him, too.

Keywords

Animals Cute Cats Awkward Family Sex Intimacy Alcohol Coworkers Work Psychology Health Mental health Relationship advice Weird Love AITA Miscellaneous Neighbours Cops Stressed out Parents Scary Birthday Dogs Cake Cars Embarrassing Transportation Cooking

The Top

Today, I received a rejection e-mail from a potential employer I interviewed with. I asked for some feedback and they said I didn't seem interested. I had showed extensive interest, even brought up some of the company's recent events, and literally said, "I'm very interested in this position." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 438

You deserved it 437

Today, I asked a girl from Bumble for a full body pic. She was obese, so I told her it wasn’t gonna work. She then sent a video of her in real time looking slim and told me that picture was from when she was obese, and she'd sent that picture as a “test of my character” and she’s “better off without someone so judgy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 911

The Top

Today, I wore my boyfriend's favorite shirt to surprise him and show him how sexy I look. He made me take it off and pay the bill for dry cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 886

You deserved it 4 700

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 539

You deserved it 2 819

Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 071

You deserved it 2 369

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 138

You deserved it 3 896

Today, my high school decided to practice graduation outside for 4 hours instead of inside, as well as serve lunch outside. Now everybody, including myself, is going to be sunburnt in their graduation pictures, because we were told practice was inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 502

You deserved it 402

Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 1 506

Same thing different taste

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