Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML
Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML
Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML
Today, I looked into my sink's garbage disposal for the first time since I moved in two months ago. Apparently, the putrid smell was not the food I've been throwing down it, but instead, a now what appears to be mutilated litter of rats. FML
Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
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Top comments
ericwashere 0
Thats what you get for not living in an ice fortress
BBGxBlondie 6
Nobody HAS to say it. You CHOSE to make an ass out of yourself.
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Comments (61)
oA_Fiasco 8
digusting. i wouldn't touch anything in that wardrobe again
thrAsHeRr9081 16
It's just poop. It'll come off -.-
urdirtyolduncle 15
Ahhh.. Yes. Hoodie season has officially started in NY. Damn cold!
kewlaidman10 15
Make your dad buy you a new one
forthepainx3 0
I wasn't aware that squirrels use litter boxes.
bananabuttercup 8
Well, that's just nutty. No, really, all puns aside, that really sucks man. I hope you can get another one!
Weetart 8
I would have put nuts in my Dad's closet and see how he likes them squirrels.
lmaoatall 6
Why does this post sound to me it would make another funny allstate commercial? We had deer. We had a racoon. I can see the actor saying,' your dad made a hole in the roof. Im a squirell, and now.... I'm taking the oppurtunity to crap on your clothes.. Ahhhhhhh relief'.
maphineRAWRS 10
oh the exact same thing happens In Australia, except with kangaroos instead of squirrels.
ReynshineCutting 10
Even when dads love their kids more than anything, they can still be terrible fathers. Trust me, I would know.
ReynshineCutting 10
And Fml is placing people's comments wherever it pleases again. That was meant for 26.
shooterbuddy 8
What Roos can jump on your house and come in through the roof and shit on your stuff . Wow I won't go to Oz now
maphineRAWRS 10
HHAHA! no they can't, don't worry. it was a joke, hahahhaha
Amrel 10
Wow your dad is full of shit :D
2wenty0ne21 0
Actually he said his hoodie was.
AndreKanaan 6
Those squirrels stains ain't shit stains it's actually love stains... Giggady