Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were, "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML
Today, I started a new school, after moving from England to New York. People only talked to me just to hear my accent. FML
Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML
Today, my coworker insisted there must be an underlying, romantic reason for why I spend so much time teaching him everything, and that I didn't mean it when I told him that's what I'm paid to do. I'm actually supposed to train this guy for three weeks. Two more weeks to go. FML
Today, and for the past 13 months, I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML
Today, I found out that my neighbor's son is supposed to be giving me gas money for driving him to school each morning. He's using it to buy drugs instead. FML
Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I called her to find out where she lives. She answered the phone, only to hear my father yelling in the background, "STOP TALKING TO THAT WHORE." FML
Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML
Today, at the daycare center that I volunteer at, a 5 year-old boy asked me, "What do you do when you really want something?" I told him to try his best to get it and give it his best. He ended up stealing from the donation box and when he was caught he said that I told him to do it. FML
Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML
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Top comments
jillytc 23
just teach him all the wrong words, so instead of "where is this place" he says "I am a ********"
rocker_chick105 31
Because this is so much worse than the racial slurs of the 1950s
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Comments (125)
the_zero_article 15
Tell him your Asian is as fluent as his American. :) Then teach him "helpful" vocab! Like "**** me" and "I am incompetent!"
papayeya 18
Speak Asians???? I guess first lesson will be Geographic
glabberfasted 16
Japan is a part of Asia. He needs to learn the difference between languages and countries.
Ins0mau 20
43 - don't you mean the difference between languages and continents?
papayeya 18
There is no language named "Asians" Asisa it is a Cont. that has many countries in which in Each country they have many langauges sich as Mandrain, Persian, Pushto , Russian.. Japanese, Thi, Malay even Arabic since part of the middle east is a part of Asia.. so first lesson Asia is not a country to have its own languge it is a conti. that has many countries.
Teddzz 19
Huh? I don't even know where to start @93
Nooblah 15
That comment hurt to read, 12 and 93
pwnman 33
Just say that you are not free all the time and you can't.
onlychildFTW 34
Or, say "**** you, figure it out yourself ********." Why does OP need excuses, he can just say "no."
strike2867 13
Your first question should be "How did you get my number?"
ShadowRider89 2
Why do you HAVE to be around him? You could have said no. That said, what an idiot. I hope you teach him all the wrong stuff.
Avenueoftrees 15
Wild guess, but he has to be around him because they go to the same school..?
Sports_guy3 28
I never would have known, #21. That was sarcasm, for all you people out there.
onlychildFTW 34
Sarcasm doesn't transfer well in text. Don't blame the reader if you aren't good enough with it to pull it off in text.
DREAMCATCHERoooo 4
I'm sorry you have to deal with ignorance. Just take it as a way to helo them out, try to turn the negative into a positive
hunts19ketchup 23
Why would you take time our of your life to help someone that's that ignorant and rude? OP has no obligation to help him, so I don't really know why he would need to "turn the negative into a positive"
SammyS2012 21
68- so you wouldnt want to correct someone when theyre wrong and help them? hes not rude, just badly and horrible misinformed, and yes, ignorant.
Cryptobrancus 2
You can help him learn why what he said was offensive give him some cultural context. This would also help him be less of a ******** and be a more pleasant person to exist around. And then apologize that aside from maybe a phrase or two it would take far too long to teach him any meaningful amount of a foreign language. Especially one with such a different alphabet/grammar structure.
_GoodGuy 11
I feel your pain, I'm deaf and everyone asks me how do you say **** You in sign language. Sorry pal.
RedPillSucks 33
Considering your profile picture, I'm not sure you do.
amisenho 11
That's odd; I've always considered the middle finger to be "**** you" in sign language. Why did these people even bother asking?
G_bear24 9
I'd would of answered nope and I don't speak idiot either!
Oh_bother44 11
Apparently you do, since "would of" is incorrect. I believe what you are looking for was "Would HAVE" or "would've."
Fuaaad1994 31
I'd would have... Hmm makes a lot more sense, thanks.
Oh_bother44 11
I hadn't caught the "I'd," though that doesn't make sense in either case, you're right. I just pointed out the "would have" because that's the one thing I can't stand. I can deal with typos, spelling errors, misplaced punctuation, etc. It just drives me nuts when people say "would of"/ "could of" /"should of."
glabberfasted 16
"I would would of." ... Yup. Totally correct...
Fuaaad1994 31
Should of, would of, could of
Nooblah 15
Whenever my friends ask me how to say something in my language, I just teach them something completely irrelevant or embarrassing.
safaeita 32
Don't waste your breath op with his level of intelligence I don't think he'll remember anything you'll teach him anyways