The trauma table

By Anonymous - 01/12/2021 23:02

Today, I was sitting with a group of people at lunch. I was having a bad day, so I began venting to them. Eventually, they got tired of it and banned me from the table, because my "depressing mindset" reminds them of their trauma. FML
I agree, your life sucks 437
You deserved it 923

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There's a time to vent and a time to be present in the moment with your friends. If you vent too often, getting ostracized can happen. I don't agree with it but I understand it.

You gotta read the room. If you're not noticing that they don't want to hear your shit, you deserve to get shunned.

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Nobody, under any circumstances wants to hear you or anyone else “venting”. It’s a complete waste of time and a negative intrusion into other peoples lives. If you must do something hit a pillow or a punching bag - Just don’t damage anything which would be even more ridiculous.

it sounds harsh but it's true.

You gotta read the room. If you're not noticing that they don't want to hear your shit, you deserve to get shunned.

A few things going on here. 1. I definitely had a friend like that in high school. She suffered from depression, and turned everything into a huge deal that spelled the end of her life as she knew it. I finally put the puzzle pieces together in my head and said, “You know...I think you *like* being depressed.” I didn’t know how else to articulate it. Depression is very real, and there are also people who like to find drama in everything. Sometimes both exist in one person. And they don’t realize how taxing it can be to those around them. 2. It is possible OP falls into this category and her friends got sick of it and lashed out. I imagine they are in high school (as I was in my scenario). I’ve aged and met other people like that and have learned to take a different approach. With experience, we tend to get more tactful and even he’ll guide the person to the positive by saying things like “It’ll help not to focus on the negative. What can you do to fix this situation? How can you feel better? Focusing on the problem only makes you feel worse rather than changing anything - instead of hurting yourself, let’s focus on the solution.” Etc. May sound dumb or condescending here in text, but I’ve found that my friends tend to feel better about things after talking to me - but that also came after years of practice and learning from dumb things I said to my friends as a teenager (eg. friend above was PIIIISSED when I said what I said lol). OP, you may not realize you focus on the negative. It’s probably just a habit - you’re going through it and want to reach out to your friends to feel better. It eventually got overwhelming for them and they didn’t know how to voice it. I’m sorry this happened to you, and I’m sorry you’re going through whatever you’re going through in life. But try to stay positive, change what you can, and don’t stress over it - because that only hurts YOU more! Focus on spending quality time with your friends and just having a (responsibly) good time - that will help a lot with countering your stress. And try not to hold it against them - we all get better at expressing ourselves as we get older. Good luck! 😄❤️ TL;DR: OP, try to focus on the positive. No need to vent all the time. Don’t hold it against your friends for their reaction, and try to be more balanced in how you interact with them and what you talk about. Just focus on having fun and forgetting your problems by forming positive memories with your friends. TL;DR was too long. Shorter version: OP, chill.

don't you have any friends to vent too

There's a time to vent and a time to be present in the moment with your friends. If you vent too often, getting ostracized can happen. I don't agree with it but I understand it.

Dangit you said what I said in just a couple sentences. It’s my dream to learn to be this concise lol

Consent is key, and that means having others consent to hearing the information before the venting begins. Therapy is a wonderful tool for this and I'd recommend DBT specifically, if possible. Best of luck and I hope your day got better!