Nearly FMLs

By stopthemeetings - 23/01/2016 11:50 - India - Lucknow

Today, I had three meetings with potential project partners and investors. The 2nd one went well, where they seemed to agree with all my "you being an iron and steel company" arguments. It was only after I stepped out of their office that I remembered they were a cardboard manufacturing firm. FML

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By evendaydreamsarestupid - 23/01/2016 11:39 - India - Lucknow

Today, in the International Relations class, the teacher asked me if I was paying attention, followed by "Tell us what were you thinking about". I was day-dreaming about how I'll solve all the national and international problems when I'm the prime-minister, with teleportation technology. FML

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By ohgoodlordjen - 23/01/2016 11:28 - United States - Bremerton

Today, I was working in my school library when I heard some inappropriate sounds coming from the back corner, it turned out to be a child watching porn on a tablet next to his mom who had headphones in and was reading. When I confronted her about what was happening she told me to fuck off. FML.

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By ohgoodlordjen - 23/01/2016 11:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my sister approached my dad called him a twat and slapped him on the back of the head. Furious, my dad confronted her, she instantly started crying and said I told her twat was a fancy European greeting commonly accompanied by a slap to the head. he believed her and is now pissed at me. FML.

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By serious789 - 23/01/2016 10:59 - United States - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, I was playing with my 7 month old puppy outside in the snow when she decided to jump up and hit me in the nuts. I went down and she started biting my ears thinking we were still playing. FML

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By Whatapuffchild - 23/01/2016 10:34 - Singapore

Today, after hours of trying to persuade my boyfriend, he still insisted cramps and blood only last a day and thats no excuse for no sex. FML.

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By ZheiraBlue - 23/01/2016 10:24 - United States - Salem

Today I learned that I'm so used to people snapping their fingers at me instead of using my name, that a friend snapping their fingers while trying to remember something had me looking up from my work and repeatedly asking him what he needed. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 09:44 - United States - Woodland

Today, I realized that I would rather pop the pimples on my back in the bathroom than hang out with my actual friends. FML

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By ZheiraBlue - 23/01/2016 09:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was nominated Vice President of a club I'm very active in. I've already lost votes because I'm "not active in the club." I've been part of this club for three years, have been an officer for a year, and have run the website and emails for over two years.... FML

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By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 08:59 - United States - Reno

Today, I got a verbal warning for not being able to cover a shift at a different store for somebody who didn't want to go to work. Apparently the next time I could either get another warning or get fired, whatever they feel like doing. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 08:24 - United States - Omaha

Today, all I felt while having sex with my husband was disappointment that we were ruining the sheets I'd just washed. FML.

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By ZheiraBlue - 23/01/2016 08:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I answered the phone at work to be informed that a woman was coming in for a walk in appointment. I offered to make her an actual appointment because we were busy, but she hung up. She came in and sat there and berated me for several hours then reported me to District for her long wait. FML

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By me - 23/01/2016 07:07 - United States - La Puente

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating is still married. He said they're trying to work things out. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 06:48 - United States - Moultrie

Today, I managed to slam my laptop shut on my nipples. FML

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By legacy_grace - 23/01/2016 06:46 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was at a party and walked in on two people doing it in one of the bedrooms. I was about to apologize when I realized that one of them was my boyfriend of three years. FML

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By LivToFail - 23/01/2016 06:37 - United States - Frisco

Today, my brother who recently experienced a traumatic brain injury, has been refusing to take his meds or go to sleep. Whenever I attempt to carry him or go in his general vicinity, I risk getting kicked in the balls, or punched in other rather uncomfortable places. FML

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By poopytimes - 23/01/2016 05:37 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I woke up went to take a shit. It felt fine just a little warm. When I looked down I saw blood... A lot of blood. Also I'm a guy. FML.

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By Bleachmyeyes - 23/01/2016 05:29 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I finished my volunteer shift early to surprise my fiancé for his birthday. I come home, only to find him making out with my 20 year old daughter. I thought this shit only happened in soap operas. FML.

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By John - 23/01/2016 05:28 - United States - Batavia

Today, my brother woke me up at midnight saying "I know you're sleeping but my friend has alcohol poisoning and needs your help." Now I am standing in the kitchen and I just closed the door on him lowering his pants to sit on the toilet while puking everywhere. I'm 14. FML

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By anonymous - 23/01/2016 05:26 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my husband cheated on me with our nanny... Who's a man. FML

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By desireesun - 23/01/2016 05:16 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to shred all my midterm notes. FML.

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By Denise1988 - 23/01/2016 05:02 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my baby boy has grown three teeth in a week. Each time he nurses he bites my nipple. FML.

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By reesesforlife - 23/01/2016 04:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend, now ex, twirled me around, kissed me and told me he loved me and was sorry for being a jerk lately and wanted me back. He then left saying he would text me. I got a text saying "our kiss was so amazing. And now I know what I want. We are so done." Wtf?? FML

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By danm_1 - 23/01/2016 04:35

Today, while walking in the mall, my girlfriend told me to look at some woman's butt, which she said she wished she had. I looked, said it was good and quickly looked away. My girlfriend then started crying and said that I don't appreciate her looks like I'm supposed to. I'm still confused. FML

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By a lil scared - 23/01/2016 04:30 - United States - Waxahachie

Today, I realized that i spend every Friday night listening to scary stories on YouTube and then struggling to go to sleep at ten pm because I'm currently scared of the dark. I'm seventeen years old. FML.

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By Lonely_Chick55 - 23/01/2016 04:28 - United States - Tyrone

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Everything was fine until I walked down the stairs as my 9 year old sister was throwing my dog a toy. The thing hit me right in the face.I have a large bruise as well as bleeding gums and swelling face. FML.

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By onlyme25 - 23/01/2016 04:14 - United States - Panama City

Today, I was being a nice daughter and let my mother use my kitchen to make food she's taking to a party. She quickly left and she left all the dirty dishes behind. I'm so OCD, I couldn't go to bed without the kitchen being cleaned. FML.

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By callmebeans - 23/01/2016 04:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I show one of my best friends this girl that I have huge crush on. They added each other on snapchat, and talked. Now I come to find out they are going out as of today. FML

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By Anon - 23/01/2016 03:57 - United States

Today, my mom decided to not pay for the Internet because my room isn't clean enough. Now I have to wait till next month to have it again. FML

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By erichllw - 23/01/2016 03:57 - United States

Today, while requesting a teachers help in class i poked her in the eye FML

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The Top

Today, I woke up to find my home studio cleared of most of my music gear. Apparently, my brother went on a Tinder date with a stranger late at night, and decided it to bring her to my place's guest room since my house "was closer." I'd been building that studio for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 458

You deserved it 113

Today, I was at a job interview. I was doing OK until I reached the part where I had to do a demo. As I lifted my arms, I my shirt got caught on the button of my pants, exposing my belly button. I tried to discreetly adjust, I ended up getting way too distracted mid-demonstration. The interviewer looked at me like I was a circus act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 130

Today, I was screamed at for not doing the dishes because I was exhausted. Last year, when my arm was broken, I did all my chores without complaint. I don’t know how to explain to my parents that I’d much, much rather work with a broken arm than while tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 168

Today, my boyfriend of five years finally gave me a ring. Oh no, not an engagement ring. He gave me a ring "to apologize for sleeping with his married coworker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 538

You deserved it 187

Today, I dropped my 7-year-old son off at school. He decided to have fun and step out of my car screaming "Stranger danger" while running away and pointing at me. I then had to get out of my car to shut the door he'd left wide open. This caused 20 other kids to scream "Stranger danger" as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 348

You deserved it 3 052

Today, I had a great leg workout at the gym. Instead of doing my cool down exercise at the end, I decided I wanted to do something more adventurous, like box jumps on one of those metal stools at the gym. Well, it turns out my body wasn’t ready for that. Now my shin is busted and swollen. This is my second week training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 1 073