Ironic

Once you pop…

By P…… - 20/09/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, not an hour after my girlfriend lectured me on boundaries and "my body, my rules", she threw an epic tantrum because I wouldn't let her pop a pimple on my ear. Apparently, only she gets to have boundaries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 97

Projection

By Anonymous - 15/09/2024 22:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I found out why my boyfriend doesn't want me to get a full-time job, despite us needing the money. He's scared that I'll cheat on him with one of my coworkers, to get back at him for doing it a few years ago. I never knew he cheated on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 108

Short Kings

By Anonymous - 08/09/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Hornsey

Today, I saw a display with a mirror that said, "You are made in God's image!" I'm too short to be able to see myself in said mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 79

Sleep cycles

By Anonymous - 29/08/2024 14:00 - United States - Washington

Today, my roommate gets up at 3:30am for work and wakes me up each time. I try not to complain about it, but whenever I come back to the apartment at midnight, she gets mad that I woke her up. I told her that she wakes me up in the morning, but apparently that’s different because she’s going to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 153

Take it up with HR

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 06:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I got fired for failing a drug test for weed. My boss is the one who sells me weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 630

Snitch

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. My manager found Facebook pictures of me drinking underage at a party. He said he didn't want "that kind of image" associated with the business. It was his birthday party. He supplied the booze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 645

You deserved it 20 716

You only know what you've got when it's gone

By Anonymous - 21/08/2024 12:00 - Mongolia - Ulan Bator

Today, I broke my own no contact rule with my ex, begging him to come back. He simply replied, "Stop begging. It's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 856

Lost in the sauce

By Kelgor - 07/08/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I started to give a 30-minute presentation about environmental sustainability. When I'd finished what I though was a powerful introduction, I was informed that I was in the wrong conference room, speaking to a group of what appeared to basically be a bunch oil barons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 295

Horrible

By Anonymous - 03/08/2024 12:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I got told once again that I’m being a horrible mother by letting a man move in with me. We recently got engaged after 6 years together. Meanwhile, my ex has a new girlfriend practically every other month and forced our kids to call multiple women “Mommy.” Yeah, I’m the bad guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 149

Skin deep

By John D - 01/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I saw a friend’s Instagram post. She's lost so much weight since the last time I saw her, so I slid in her DMs hoping to score a date. It was going quite well until I asked her out and she responded, “You’re only asking me out because I’m skinny now, right? You’re barking up the wrong tree” and she blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 1 389

Butchered

By Dentist woes - 28/07/2024 16:00 - Australia

Today, during a brutal two and half hour dental procedure, the dentist kept saying my gums were inflamed, and bleeding a lot. The clichéd "You need to floss more!" tirade. After she was done, my gums were purple, bruised, and had a visible cut on them. But sure, the bleeding was from me not flossing enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 168

Energy saving

By I can't win - 20/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, my parents had me pet-sitting their cats again, since they were going to be gone all day. I noticed their oven was on and wanted to turn it off, but when I do they always yell at me because they "had plans for dinner." This time however, they yelled at me for NOT turning it off, because they'd already ate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 111

Door knocking

By firewait - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I gave my 16 year-old step-daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me "the hypocritical pervert." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 651

You deserved it 80 920

Going solo

By Im so lonely - 16/07/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend got married to a man she met last year. She left me after 8 years together because I told her I wanted to have fun and live my life, and wasn’t ready for marriage. Three years later, I’m not having fun at all. None of my bros wanna make plans because they’d rather be with their wives and kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 1 428

Keep your eyes peeled

By "ironyyyyyyy" -_- - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Marion

Today, I gave a short presentation at a neighborhood watch event to raise awareness about pickpocketing and to give tips on how to avoid becoming a victim of it. After I got back home, I realized my wallet was missing from my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 407

You deserved it 6 366

Drill sergeant

By Anonymous - 10/07/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, my wife said I shouldn't wash or iron the clothes, or do the dusting and vacuuming, because, I "don't do it correctly." Also my wife: "You don't do anything to help around here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 176

I'm listening

By Anonymous - 04/07/2024 09:00

Today, and for the last week of job training, I’ve listened to my new boss go on about how we care about our customers and want to engage with our community, even though at the end of every workday I watch him empty the complaints boxes straight into recycling, without reading a single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 79

It never rains, it pours

By Anonymous - 29/06/2024 16:00 - United States - Culpeper

Today, I got a speeding ticket in the mail, at the same time as my car was getting towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 218

Party animal

By stupid friendless loser - 29/06/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I slipped out my bedroom window at night in an attempt to rebel against my parents. Then I realized that I have no friends and nowhere to go, so I tried to climb back in. I fell, broke my ankle, and laid in the dirt until my parents found me in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 720

Cockwomble strikes again

By haveahappyperiod - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 605

You deserved it 4 820

Compliant

By Anonymous - 14/06/2024 00:00 - United States - Prospect

Today, I finally finished our two hour long yearly compliance training at work. Not five minutes later, I receive an email from our compliance department, notifying me of a complaint against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 121

Baby you can drive my uninsured car

By Anonymous - 07/06/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, a week after I lost my job, my car was written off by someone rear-ending me, and both parties weren't insured. I tried to look for a new job, but all of them require that you have a vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 173

Swings and roundabouts

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, despite being the fittest member of my family, with a good exercise routine and a decent diet, I'm the only one who was just diagnosed with diabetes. Meanwhile, the rest of my family are fat, lazy slobs who eat like shit, but are otherwise healthy as horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 307

You deserved it 394

Ironic, isn't it?

By Sleepless - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, after countless nights of no sleep and only some spontaneous naps, I was finally seeing a sleeping doctor to analyze the problem. I missed the appointment because I ended up sleeping through my alarm after not being able to sleep at all last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 830

You deserved it 1 283

Ungrateful, dude!

By Anonymous - 25/05/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, my mom decided to surprise me by bringing homemade dinner over. I've been living off of ham sandwiches for over a week because I've been too busy and tired from work to cook. Of all the things she could have made, what did she make? Ham sandwiches. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 249

Zero stars on Trip Advisor

By Anonymous - 17/05/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I finally got to sit down for dinner after a long day. In a truck stop restaurant, which specializes in "We don’t have that" or "Serve yourself, despite this being a sit down restaurant." The good news is that they charge more than fast food for less service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 99

Too little, too late

By Anonymous - 12/05/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, my wife complained about her job and brought up an idea to start our own business and move out of this small town. It was the exact same idea I got yelled at for bringing up 15+ years ago. Now my health is bad, near retirement, and can't get off insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 90

My finest hour

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 06:00 - Canada

Today, I finally conquered my fear of spiders by catching one in a cup and releasing it outside. Feeling proud of my bravery, I proudly showed my accomplishment to my roommate, only to realize it wasn't a spider but a piece of lint. I screamed louder than I would have for a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 213

Shy guy

By Big_gulps_huh - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I realized I am more confident running a million-dollar piece of construction equipment than I am around people of the opposite sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 933

You deserved it 553

Brained

By Qwizzyk - 24/04/2024 16:00 - Russia - Tula

Today, I was riding my scooter at a skate park. I was wearing a helmet, but I got hot, so I took it off. Within the next minute, I fell off my scooter and cut my head open. I had to get four stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 721

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Poopoo peepee Mental health Psychology Work Cheating Kids Weddings Drunk Embarrassing Love Singing Health Sports Furniture Transportation Airplanes Awkward Smartphone Grandparents Photography Annoying Relatable Job interview Proposal My ex Social Media Weird Introverts Parents

The Top

Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the same school and had a job lined up in town, he decided not to come with me because the Internet at our apartment wasn't going to be fast enough for his gaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 055

You deserved it 2 515

Today, my pet fish died because my drunk father microwaved it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 170

You deserved it 3 400

Today, my mother forwarded me an email my stepdad had sent her because he was annoyed that I left a light on last night. Talk about communication problems. I wonder how I'm going to tell them I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 110

You deserved it 6 749

Today, I parked downtown for a few minutes to pick up a pizza. As I was getting out of my car, a sketchy guy came up and asked me for $5. I told him to get lost and walked away. I walked back to the lot with my pizza and my car was gone. The sketchy guy was a parking attendant. He had my car towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 718

You deserved it 70 888

Today, I realized that I've watched so much Honey Boo Boo that I've developed a mild southern accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 1 229

Today, I told my husband I wanted to make him happy by giving him a baby. He told me either I can make him happy, or I can give him a baby, but I can’t do both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 875