Anonymous · 16 April 2024, 12:00 ·United States

Never enough

Today, I spent hours in town getting everything I'd need to make dinner, taking the cat to the vet, getting gardening supplies, and filling up our extra tanks with gas for the mowers. I came home, only for Mom to wordlessly plunk down an empty pack of cigarettes, and grin like a Cheshire cat, then sip her wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422 You deserved it 76

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Anonymous · 15 April 2024, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

Parental love

Today, my toxic daughter learned that yelling at a biker chick won’t just get her an argument, it will get her several broken bones and a concussion. The FML is that I now have to take care of her with her broken leg for six weeks. I hate her; she’s such a bitch to everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467 You deserved it 351

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Anonymous · 15 April 2024, 16:00 ·United States

Give it a goo

Today, my parents ate at a new Italian restaurant. They said it was the best they'd ever had and brought me some, insisting I try it. It had so much garlic and sugar in it that I couldn't finish. They're upset because one of our cousins owns the restaurant, and they say I'm not being supportive. We're Irish, not Italian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476 You deserved it 95

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Anonymous · 12 April 2024, 20:00 ·United Kingdom

Surprise!

Today, my 58 year-old mother told me she’s having a baby. Apparently she hasn’t started menopause yet, but assumed from her age she wouldn’t get pregnant when she started seeing a man she goes to bingo with. 58 years-old. My little brother/sister is going to be 36 years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572 You deserved it 95

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Anonymous · 12 April 2024, 00:00 ·United States

To each their own emergency

Today, I had to drive my grandmother to the emergency room. I periodically tried to call my parents but neither of them picked up, even when I called the house. We sat there for 6 hours and still no one took her to a room, and no response. Mom finally called back, only to tell me to get her a pack of cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496 You deserved it 84

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Anonymous · 9 April 2024, 20:00 ·United Kingdom

Bursting with joy

Today, I got home and found out that, because of a burst pipe in their house, my husband's brother's family had moved in. They agreed to only smoke outside, but it’s on their clothes so the house already stinks of cigarettes, and their kids have already broken two things, a plate and the fridge door handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578 You deserved it 106

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Anonymous · 6 April 2024, 00:00 ·United States

MANNERS!

Today, my mother gave me a reprimand for my table manners when I didn't ask for someone to pass the vegetables I could have gotten myself. She then let out a raunchy fart at the table, and had the nerve to yell, "Did you ask to be excused?!" as I vacated the area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543 You deserved it 100

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Anonymous · 11 March 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Time to get a lock

Today, I learned it's not safe to take a bath if my aunt is staying over, because apparently she was never taught the "Knock before you enter" rule if the bathroom door is closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450 You deserved it 135

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grounded · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Forbidden

Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phones at the table rule" and took my phone away until I could learn "proper table manners." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 604 You deserved it 48 119

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Anonymous · 4 March 2024, 16:00 ·United States

Cut him some slack

Today, it was my turn to do the dishes. My lazy dad just leaves his dishes in the sink without even wiping or rinsing them out, and it's been going on for weeks. When I confronted him about it, he gave a childish huff and said, "Well, next time, YOU make me breakfast!" He's unemployed and never does the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478 You deserved it 154

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Anonymous · 3 March 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Chicken is seafood?

Today, my family asked me to get dinner, as they'd heard a popular seafood chain had chicken baskets for $4 each. I had $15 on me. When I got there, the restaurant staff laughed in my face and insisted they had never, ever had $4 chicken baskets. The alternative? $14 for ONE chicken dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439 You deserved it 193

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Anonymous · 2 March 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Why though?

Today, I asked my parents why we hadn't been out to eat as a family for so long. Both mom and dad agreed, so we made plans to go have breakfast at the Waffle House. Upon arriving, Dad threw a tantrum in the restaurant over nothing, and insisted on yelling at us the entire time. Guess I got my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552 You deserved it 120

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Anonymous · 2 March 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Handsy

Today, my mother's boyfriend accused me of gaining weight in the middle of a restaurant. He then lifted my shirt all the way to my bra. My mother is angry at me for causing a scene when I screamed, slapped him, and threw a drink in his face, causing him to get arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183 You deserved it 136

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Relieved of child-creating obligations · 29 February 2024, 09:00 ·Steele, United States

Strewth!

Today, my niece will be born in about three months, and I just realized I'm more excited about my mom no longer being on my case about when I'm going to make her a grandma than I am about being an uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445 You deserved it 118

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oxymorons · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Trippin'

Today, I checked the camera I set up to find out who has been stealing my prescription painkillers: my wife, my daughter, or my son. Turns out they all are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 066 You deserved it 3 279

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Las Vegas, United States

Terms of service

Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 674 You deserved it 1 704

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julia · 25 February 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Sharing is caring

Today, my daughter used my towel. She thought that because it was clean, it would be okay. She’s 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171 You deserved it 790

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Steady decline

Today, I noticed my house smells a lot like my grandma's. Not because we use the same cleaning products or anything like that, but because I'm slowly turning into a crazy cat lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 673 You deserved it 25 421

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Anonymous · 23 February 2024, 15:00 ·United Kingdom

No kidding

Today, I told my mom that having watched my sister ruin her life having kids who grew into brats with criminal records before their teens, I refused to ruin my life the same way and will be childless. I then turned to leave and they were in the doorway, my sister and her two brats. I got slapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676 You deserved it 419

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Anonymous · 16 February 2024, 12:00 ·Eagle Mountain, United States

Poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine

Today, I told my family that I’m pregnant. My sister is upset and refuses to accept she’ll have to help with the baby. I’m a single mom going to college and living at home, and will need help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112 You deserved it 2 390

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OnTheReceivingEnd · 14 February 2024, 22:00 ·Gilbert, United States

Time is precious

Today, and over the past three months, I and four of my immediate family have been in hospital. Debilitating foot infection. Brain tumor. Urinary tract infection. Stroke. I just found out a few minutes ago my aunt just went in. I'm starting to think I'm going to be losing relatives any second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563 You deserved it 103

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Anonymous · 13 February 2024, 06:00 ·Lancaster, United States

Help wanted

Today, I fought with my sister. We're both adults, but I cussed her out and called her an idiot or something, and a bitch. I’m trying my best to get therapy for this shit. I have found nothing that helps me quit acting this way. I grew up with it in my parents' behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252 You deserved it 468

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Anonymous · 8 February 2024, 22:00

TMI great-grannie!

Today, at a big family wedding, my great nana shared quite loudly with us that most of the people in the pub wouldn’t exist if at 15 she hadn’t dumped her lying boyfriend, then made herself feel better by losing her virginity to an Italian waiter and accidentally becoming pregnant with my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513 You deserved it 169

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Familysux · 4 February 2024, 12:00 ·Melbourne, Australia

How could you?

Today, while on the way to my grandpa's funeral, my brother announced he's moving in with me. When I said no because he's a alcoholic drug addict, both him and my mum started screaming at me that I'm a horrible person and that I don't love them. It's been a hour. Only two more to go plus the return trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722 You deserved it 89

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No good deed... · 29 January 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Saved!

Today, I was in the kitchen with my mom, who is severely disabled and can barely walk. She suddenly slipped on a puddle of water, so I instinctively grappled her from behind to save her. It took me a moment to realize my hands were accidentally cupping her breasts. She then slipped again and took both of us down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527 You deserved it 112

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Anonymous · 29 January 2024, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

Cheeky

Today, my boyfriend beat me and my whole family at Scrabble using only rude words. Seriously, he got a double word on BUTTOCK, a triple letter on the X in SEX then finally got a double word and 50 points for using all his letters by turning the word IS into CLITORIS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207 You deserved it 684

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Anonymous · 27 January 2024, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

Hammered

Today, my brother-in-law wanted a boxing match, which was the last thing I wanted since he’s a trained boxer. The last thing I expected was to knock him out cold on my first swing. My wife is now mad at me because he’s sulking, and I “could have held back to be a good sport.” Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 678 You deserved it 95

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Anonymous · 25 January 2024, 09:00 ·San Diego, United States

Tense dinner

Today, I went to dinner with my husband's family to celebrate our nephew's birthday. He spent the entire dinner flirting with his sister, then got offended when I said that his behavior was weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571 You deserved it 165

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lordoftheweird · 23 January 2024, 22:00 ·Canada

Genetics

Today, my grandmother is shocked that literally all of her kids and grandkids have mental handicaps. She won't admit it's because her and my grandfather are first cousins, and is claiming instead it's, "because of gluten." FML

I agree, your life sucks 707 You deserved it 150

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Anonymous · 16 January 2024, 00:00 ·Wolfeboro, United States

Kiss me

Today, my boyfriend refused to give me a kiss because he thinks I flirt with his cousin. I make small talk with him because my boyfriend is always leaving me alone with said cousin. I’m not attracted to him in the least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556 You deserved it 112

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