All the FMLs

Unlucky 180

By Anonymous - 11/02/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I’m in hospital because a pub dart fell from the sky, seemingly from nowhere, and stuck itself in the top of my skull. I was walking my dog, I wasn’t near any trees or any high buildings it could have fallen from. If someone threw it from where I couldn’t see them, it was a very lucky shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 89

Chill out

By Anonymous - 11/02/2024 13:00 - United States - St Louis

Today, I found out one of my "friends" is “scared” to talk to me because I’m black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 135

Reality check

By DerrickUhl - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Napa

Today, I finally turned 21, so my friends and I decided to go to a club. There, I met this hot waitress and we were really hitting it off. I ordered a drink. She replied, "No problem, kiddo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 135

You deserved it 7 194

Green fingers

By Claire - 11/02/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, it's been a few weeks since I took up gardening to relax, caring for my plants, and they finally started blooming. Excitedly, I posted a picture online, only to have a friend tell me that my "beautiful flowers" are actually weeds. Apparently, I have a talent for cultivating the unwanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 135

The devil is in the details

By Sad dad - 11/02/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I went to court to get custody of my son from my ex. I was denied because I spelled his name wrong on the court filing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 1 124

Why indeed

By Anonymous - 11/02/2024 03:00 - United States - Davison

Today, I went through my boyfriend’s phone. He'd told his brothers, mom, and mutual friends that I was at a psych ward, after I went crazy. We have been back together for four months now after that situation, so no wonder I got the vibe they hate me. Why lie about something so stupid? FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 239

Lobster rock

By Fonzie34 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was lobstering. While I was getting bands, my co-worker decided it would be funny to make a lobster pinch my ear. it was a 4 pound lobster, and my ear was swollen for 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 433

You deserved it 2 985

Main character syndrome

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 23:00

Today, my mom found out I’m in therapy and took it as an insult, like therapy was a criticism of her parenting. Um, maybe if she hadn’t spent my childhood telling me and everyone in our family that having me was an accident, that I’ve been a huge burden, and that she should have aborted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 113

Snitched

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 21:00

Today, I caught a grubby, evil-smelling, foul-mouthed woman blatantly shoplifting by stuffing electronics into her coat pockets, so I detained her and called the police. Less than an hour later I was fired. She was the shop owner's mother and “had permission” to just take stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 113

Big red flag

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 19:00

Today, my daughter saw me and my boyfriend making out and tried to separate us because she’s a momma's girl. I thought it was cute and funny, but he yelled at her until she ran back to bed crying. He still thought we were still going to have sex after, because he “got rid of her for you.” DUMPED. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 274

Slicy slicy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was getting ready for a date, so to avoid stinky pits, I went to put some deodorant on. However, when I raised my arm to apply it, I almost sliced my hand off when I raised it right into the ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 641

You deserved it 985

Sorry!

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 14:00

Today, my daughter has an ear infection and hasn’t slept more than 15 minutes a night for the last three days. Well tonight she was finally asleep, but I needed to take my own tablets. I had a violent coughing fit while choking on them, and woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 116

Toot toot

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 12:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, I heard my cat fart for the first time ever. It was this cute little “peeeep” sound. The smell, however… Good god, that was not cute at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 161

Where do we go now?

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 03:00

Today, while vacationing in Mexico, the Airbnb we were supposed to check into today for 3 weeks just called to say that due to a broken water pipe, they're unable to host us. We're supposed to check out of our current stay in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 121

This doesn't feel nice

By bloodsuckerr - 09/02/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend is acting more distanced, leaving me on seen or delivered. We do long distance, he’s supposed to come visit me in three weeks. I don't know what to think. He’s always been sweet and stuff, but now it feels like he’s not trying. This makes my stomach hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 177

What are you doing?

By anon - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Wareham

Today, I spilled loose face powder on myself while applying my make-up. My sister subsequently walked in on me vacuuming my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 855

You deserved it 4 587

Extended play

By Not a babysitter - 09/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I taught a kid piano for a two hour lesson. The mom left to do some errands, and by the time two hours was up, she texted me asking to watch the kid for another "15 minutes" while she returned home. No problem, she had the money too, so I stayed. Four hours later, she showed up, and refused to pay me extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 129

Let it be

By Anonymous - 09/02/2024 16:00 - United States - Wesley Chapel

Today, it seems that I can't enjoy one fucking weekend without my mom finding work for me to do to take up my time, and I'm sick of it! FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 310

Alexa, play "Metal Baby" by Teenage Fanclub

By carl - 09/02/2024 11:00 - United States

Today, I found out my ex-girlfriend from a few months ago is dating a metalhead. I’m a metalhead and she did not care to explore metal when she was with me. Everything she didn’t care about me, she loves in him. He’s also better at guitar than I am too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 266

Silver lining

By Beeky - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Helena

Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 448

You deserved it 3 320

Passive-aggressive

By Anonymous - 09/02/2024 22:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I voiced my unhappiness to my girlfriend, as I wanted to go to a class before we met her friends this weekend, and she said she hated back-to-back events. It was unfair as she often planned her work before our dates, and ended up being late. She became paggro, all because I want to learn a new skill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 191

Intrusive "**** you" thoughts

By Anonymous - 09/02/2024 03:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I had the memory of an ex-friend pop up in my brain and I couldn't help but wonder how the little homewrecker is doing these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 125

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 09/02/2024 08:00

Today, it's been a while since I tried the "shave-your-beard to see if your baby recognises you afterwards" trick. I wasn’t expecting her to start crying, real heartbreaking tears. The beard's now grown back but she still cries and screams whenever she sees me, and we don’t know what to do. I think traumatised my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 444

Faulty plumbing

By Anonymous - 08/02/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 118

Red flag

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Elk River

Today, my boyfriend bought us plane tickets to Mexico for our "Honeymoon". This would be nice if he had proposed and if we'd been dating for longer than 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 296

You deserved it 3 736

My day off

By Anonymous - 08/02/2024 23:00

Today, I was finally able to get around to a totally free day when I could do some much needed DIY around the house. Before I even started, I cut my hand on a Stanley knife almost to the bone, and had to get 8 stitches. My wife thinks I did it on purpose to get out of doing the repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 139

TMI great-grannie!

By Anonymous - 08/02/2024 21:00

Today, at a big family wedding, my great nana shared quite loudly with us that most of the people in the pub wouldn’t exist if at 15 she hadn’t dumped her lying boyfriend, then made herself feel better by losing her virginity to an Italian waiter and accidentally becoming pregnant with my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 168

The place to be

By Anonymous - 08/02/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, the choir director I’m playing drums for sent an email saying we’d changed venues, but didn’t say where it was, making me hunt for this venue, and making me nearly late to rehearsal. The bass player was here on time. How did she find the venue? The director's Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 154

Sneaky

By TasedAndDazed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 626

You deserved it 43 692

MacArthur Park

By Melody - 08/02/2024 06:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, as I was leaving church with a cake in my hands (mind you it was pouring, and I was in heels) I decided to walk on the road instead of the sidewalk so I could get to my car as quick as possible. Turns out, the road is slippery, and slipping means falling. With the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 341

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, during an otherwise promising job interview, I was asked how much I thought was too much for a "good hit of blow". I must have stayed speechless for too long, because the guy's next words were, "Yeah, you're not cut out for this." I'm shocked and baffled too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 259

You deserved it 4 315

Today, when I stepped outside, I found out my neighbors forgot to leash their mean-ass dog when he promptly started charging at me. If not for the black cat who lives outside my house, who I've fed before, jumping in and somehow single-handedly whooping his ass, I'd probably be dead. You don't fuck with stray cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 95

Today, after a lifetime of struggles, I was finally officially diagnosed with ADHD. Thanks to years of ridicule, punishments, humiliation and even beatings over something I literally could not control, I also have terrible depression and anxiety. My mom still thinks I’m making it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 272

You deserved it 218

Today, while taking a shower, my back hair caused so much friction against the bar of soap, it stuck for a good second before coming free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 085

You deserved it 8 940

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She pretended like it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 353

You deserved it 3 576

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 882

You deserved it 45 730