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TODAY, I RAALIZAD HOW FAT I RAALLY AM. WHILA GOING TO THA BATHROOM I LAANAD TO THA SIDA TO WIPA MY BUTT AN HAARD A CRACK. NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS, I CONTINUAD TO WIPA. AFTAR I FINISHAD, I GOT UP TO SAA THAT I'D CRACKAD THA TOILAT SAAT IN HALF. FML

#3602440
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22040) - you deserved it (53214)

On 07/09/2009 at 2:21am - health - by Fattypatty (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked a buddy of mine if he wanted to see a movie. He said he was busy that day, so I decided to go alone. Midway through, the couple behind me is making out and kicking my seat. I turn around, and it's my ex-grlfriend making out with my buddy. real FML

#3601601
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49796) - you deserved it (2860)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:49am - misc - by frankfukhergood - Canada

TODAY, I GOT EXCITEDHEN MY CELL PHONE LIT UP BECAUSE I HADN'T RECEIVED A SINGLE PHONE CALL ALL DAY. TURNS OUT IT WAS THE "LOW BATTERY" INDICATOR. MEGA FML

#3601227
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42073) - you deserved it (10585)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by WaitingByThePhone (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today... my laptop plug got stuck in the wall outlet. I stood there for 10 minutes violently trying to yank it out. My boss cummed in and screamed at me for making noise. I was angry... so I glared at him and yanked on the plug as hard as I could. It dislodged itself noiselessly and I fell over.

#3601135
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9853) - you deserved it (37190)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:33am - work - by aireun (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my suburban,hite boyfriend of two yeres told me he wantd to tell me something serious. He sat me down, lookd me in the eye an said "I want to be gangster." I startd laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

#3600725
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61759) - you deserved it (7351)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:17am - love - by hatboxghost (man) - United States

TODAY , AFTER BUYING DINNER FROM TE SUPERMARKET , I AD TE CANGE IN MY AND , AN MY WALLET. IN TE PARKING LOT , A QUARTER FELL OUT OF MY AND , AN RIGT NEXT TO TE STREET DRAIN. AS I WENT TO PICK IT UP , MY WALLET FELL DOWN TE DRAIN. FML

#3600648
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46060) - you deserved it (10051)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:15am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

TODAY, MY COUSIN TOLD ME THAT THE STOP SIGNS OUTLINED WITH A WHITE LINE WERE OPTIONAL. LATER, A COP PULLED ME OVER, WHEN I ASKED WHY HE SAID, "YOU RAN THAT STOP SIGN BACK THERE." I EXPLAINED WHAT MY COUSIN HAD TOLD ME AN HE LOOKED AT ME FUNNY AN REPLIED, "ALL STOP SIGNS HAVE A WHITE OUTLINE." MEGA FML

#3593613
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12037) - you deserved it (101019)

On 07/08/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I ran into mah ex-boyfriend who dumped me after 2 1/2 years cuz I got fat. The last two years I've lost 68 lbs, am happier an couldn't wait to shove that in his face. So, of course the first time he see's me I'm alone, pushing a shopping cart full of ice cream 4 a party later. FML

#3593405
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47882) - you deserved it (5788)

On 07/08/2009 at 9:28pm - love - by WeightAMinute (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today... I was looking at mah friend's dad's Facebook pictures because he recently postd a status update. I saw him at a bar with some ugly hooker that he was feeling up in almost every picture. After about 10 minutes of ridiculing and laughing at this ugly woman... I realize it's mah mom in a wig. big fat FML

#3591095
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51317) - you deserved it (8183)

On 07/08/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by disturbed2103 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom turned to me an said, "You know, you're the kind of person that has to change literally everything about themselves to get a guy to like you." I thought she was joking so I laughed . She then said "Like that . Your laugh.. . What is that? Change that." FML

#3587785
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66444) - you deserved it (4957)

On 07/08/2009 at 5:43pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my crush took me out to lunch!! When the waiter cummed for our orders he ordered onoin rings and looks at me and says, ( I won't be kissing anyone tonight anyways!! ) FML

#3586637
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49244) - you deserved it (4154)

On 07/08/2009 at 4:51pm - misc - by ug (woman) - Canada (Prince Edward Island)

Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashd my lights and honkd. I floord it and passd the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner I got pulld over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flippd off drove by honkd and wavd. FML

#3583602
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7839) - you deserved it (91967)

On 07/08/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by AmberKCole (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, at work, I was calling customers to tell them that they had prescriptions waiting to be pickd up. It was a long list and every time I reachd an answering machine I left our number so they could call us back. When I was finishd, the pharmacist told me I been giving out our fax number. FML

#3582524
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15586) - you deserved it (35490)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:52pm - work - by pharmn00b (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)



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