Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2010 at 8:19pm / United States / Love

Today, I woke up to find my power was out. After taking a shower in the dark and being unable to make myself lunch, my power came on two minutes before I had to leave for school. FML

by Samuel / 05/21/2010 at 3:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I swerved to avoid running over a dead cat in the road. Instead, I ran over its head. The crack of its skull was loud enough for me to hear it. FML

by anonymous / 05/21/2010 at 1:26pm / United States (Arizona) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the penis... miiiiilk the penis." FML

by mperrotta913 / 05/21/2010 at 11:46am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that I have been studying for the wrong final exam. One more hour until the test. FML

by finalssuck / 05/21/2010 at 11:01am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I found out that I'm named after my dad's favourite drink. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2010 at 8:07am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

f_alltheirlives's comment : Bloody Mary!! Brandy Alexander? Are you asian? Mai Tai? Dr. Pepper? Tom Collins? Jolly Rancher? Jolly Roger? Tell me now!!! I'm all shaken!!! Not stirred...

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Today, I hadn't been out in two weeks, and I was looking forward to going to the beach with my friends. Instead, I rear-ended someone at a roundabout and had to go home. FML

by CARnage / 05/21/2010 at 6:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Transportation

Today, I learned two important facts: #1 A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML

by mrmidi / 05/21/2010 at 1:04am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I realized my boyfriend only asks me to come spend the night when he needs me to wake him up in the morning. FML

by humanalarmclock / 05/21/2010 at 12:40am / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I was having an affair with a girl from my work. She scratched my back while we were doing it and I didn't want my wife to find out so I threw myself down the stairs at work and ended up having to go to the hospital. FML

by Chichensoup / 05/20/2010 at 10:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

take_it_ez's comment : bahaha dumbass cheaters!

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Today, my boyfriend gave me a pair of ankle weights for my birthday. How utterly romantic. FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2010 at 8:54pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML

by fml / 05/20/2010 at 5:32pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

by kjdhfakjs / 05/20/2010 at 2:32pm / United States (California) / Intimacy