Today, I asked my boyfriend if I looked alright for our date. He said, "Honey, you look fine, just don't go out in public like that." FML

by Chey1309 / 06/28/2010 at 11:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I was home alone, and I thought I heard someone breaking in through the side gate at my house. I was terrified, so I called the police. It turned out it was the gas company checking the meter. FML

by itssdianaa / 06/28/2010 at 11:18pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, a cute thirty-ish chick walked into the bar I work in. I asked her for her license to make her feel young. She didn't have her license on her and started yelling about how stupid it was to even ask, when she obviously was old enough to drink. She then got up and left. FML

by anonymous / 06/28/2010 at 10:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

by Pain / 06/28/2010 at 7:37pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I unpacked in my new, non-air conditioned apartment wearing nothing but underwear, a tank top and an apron to stay cool. Later, I realized I'd crossed through the complex to my car and the dumpster many times, and arranged my deck overlooking the parking lot, without ever donning shorts. FML

by WelcomeWagon / 06/28/2010 at 4:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my hot co-worker had to use my computer, so he called me while I was at lunch for my login password. It was his name. FML

by ladyhavery / 06/28/2010 at 9:28am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML

by megaladon / 06/28/2010 at 4:12am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I gave the toast at my sister's wedding which was outside. Before I started, the wind blew up my dress and wouldn't let up. Instead of giving my heartfelt speech, I spent five minutes fighting with my dress as 130 people pointed at my floral-printed underwear and laughed loudly. FML

by Kim422 / 06/28/2010 at 2:18am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML

by Matt / 06/27/2010 at 2:54pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML

by ac13 / 06/27/2010 at 2:03pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my youngest son thought that RedBull actually gave him wings. What it actually gave him was a trip to the ER and 7 stitches. It also gave me a meeting with social services. FML

by DaddyZ / 06/27/2010 at 9:30am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I went to a party. No one there was under 60. I'm 16 and it was the only party I've been to all year. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2010 at 6:07am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, while going to lunch with my boss, he asked me to check and see if the other lane was clear. When I did, he swerved hard, making me smack my head into the door window. This is apparently his new favorite thing to do. FML

by Daniel / 06/27/2010 at 3:43am / United States / Work