Today, my roommate informed me that he took a bet to not shower or bathe until Christmas. The bet is for five bucks. FML

by stink / 09/03/2010 at 8:11pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister is nursing an injured cat back to health in our home because she accidentally hit it with her car. Now I can't decide which is contributing more to my insomnia: the incessant meowing, or the constant itching because our house is infested with fleas. FML

by insomniac / 09/03/2010 at 7:02pm / Health

Today, I learned that if you don't wrap your hair around a bristled curling iron the correct way, you end up getting it stuck, not to mention frying it. Three inches of my hair is now in the trash. FML

by maimay234 / 09/03/2010 at 5:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got fired for taking time off to see my sister in the hospital after she got in a car accident. Before I got fired, I found out my boss took time off because her horoscope said she should. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2010 at 5:00pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I was talking to my crush on MSN. She was telling me how her friend had passed away recently. I had two chats open and accidentally replied, "That's hilarious." FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2010 at 4:51pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

by Jesska / 09/03/2010 at 3:59pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I got the haircut I've been wanting for ages. I then called my girlfriend of two years and asked what she would do if I got a haircut. She told me she would dump me and then invited me to her house for dinner. I'm scared to go. FML

by Fmylife.25 / 09/03/2010 at 3:56pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was feeling in the mood, so I walked into the kitchen with only my boxers on and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to get in bed. She said, "Okay, but make sure to finish before Gossip Girl starts." FML

by Sexylarry / 09/03/2010 at 3:42pm / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML

by lonleystoner91 / 09/03/2010 at 4:30am / Love

Today, I bought a new, expensive face moisturizer. However, it smells like poop. I paid $20 dollars to make my face smell like shit. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2010 at 2:18am / United States (Arizona) / Money

Today, my 72 year old Grandmother informed me she's running for mayor. She's been going around town with home made signs all day campaigning to win mayor. She lives in my town. My friend called me asking me if she was high. FML

by AnnaWusHere / 09/03/2010 at 2:18am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a volleyball game against our rivals. I hit myself in the face with the ball 3 times, fell flat on my face against the court, and later had an asthma attack with no inhaler in sight. We lost the game. FML

by anonymous / 09/03/2010 at 1:05am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

by Devon / 09/03/2010 at 12:35am / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids