jayn_fml

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100 kick-ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

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You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.

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Jayn_fml's favorite FMLs

By Drafty - 07/11/2012 21:30 - United States - Sylmar

Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 452

You deserved it 7 628

Poisoning

By anon - 07/11/2012 23:28 - United States

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 767

You deserved it 1 829

By derve - 07/11/2012 23:48 - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 248

You deserved it 2 181

By rahavan - 08/11/2012 01:38 - United States - Tacoma

Today, after the fourth time telling my roommate I'm highly allergic to her scented products, I came back to find all 6 of our wall outlets using Glade plug-ins. They were set to high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 111

You deserved it 2 218

rahavan tells us more.

rahavan 15

Thursday 8 November 2012 21:28

Um no, I passed out and wrote this after I was forced to go to the hospital by my floors RA.

Hey there!

By ohcrap - 08/11/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 060

You deserved it 2 610

By Anonymous - 08/11/2012 05:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 827

You deserved it 4 582

Food for thought

By Anonymous - 08/11/2012 06:13 - United States - Houston

Today, I was told I will be having twins; this came as a shock since there are no twins in my family. When I asked my mom about it, she said that she wasn't surprised and not to worry about it because she had "absorbed her twin" and that the problem would "take care of itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 182

You deserved it 2 061

By mayerstexmex69 - 08/11/2012 15:52 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while in class, I was called down to the office. The principal showed me a video of two guys fighting in the school parking lot. I'm accused of being one of those guys. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 863

You deserved it 2 264

Moody blues

By Anonymous - 10/11/2012 02:09 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 625

You deserved it 4 560

Logical fallacy

By Danny - 11/11/2012 05:05 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duck tape on ducks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 631

You deserved it 3 332

By Anonymous - 15/11/2012 19:47 - Ireland

Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 685

You deserved it 2 489

By Anonymous - 16/11/2012 07:32 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I discovered that no matter how hot and exhausted you are, being blasted in the face with a high pressure hose is always more painful than refreshing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 274

You deserved it 10 584

By JoLaFritte - 07/11/2008 10:10 - France

Today, thinking that I was alone at work, I started rummaging through my nose, trying to find something interesting. It was only after about a minute that I noticed that my boss was looking straight at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 963

You deserved it 50 477

By greg76 - 07/12/2008 03:49 - France

Today, I was on a transatlantic flight, ear plugs in my ears. The steward walked past with a plastic bag. I threw my litter into it and didn't immediately understand why he said, "Very funny, sir." It wasn't a bin bag, he was collecting for Unicef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 085

You deserved it 10 097

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 05:23 - France

Today, my girlfriend has big fake boobs, but gets offended when I tell her how much I like them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 625

You deserved it 6 388

By jen - 16/01/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them tells a funny story about how he filled a condom with syrup and put it in his friend's mouth while he was asleep. Me with my big mouth starts to say, "Condoms taste na--" and stopped myself as everyone started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 751

You deserved it 28 026

By babygurl69 - 20/01/2009 21:38 - Canada

Today, I woke up with a hangover, but went to school anyway without showering, applying makeup, and still wearing my pajama bottoms. While taking the subway, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend who I hadn't seen a year. His new girlfriend looked at me and said, "You look... tired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 807

You deserved it 24 054

By Noname - 01/02/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you." My heart melted and I told her that I loved her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 300

You deserved it 3 222

By rained - 02/02/2009 05:44 - Hong Kong

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 563

You deserved it 7 739

By #201 - 05/02/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 489

You deserved it 16 572