Mr Sydney, AUSTRALIA 28 years-old Single
Today, I went and bought my wife a new cell phone for a Christmas present. She called me five minutes later saying she got a notification e-mail thanking her for her purchase. FML
Today, I went on my first date in months. My mum had invited friends over, and when I told them I was going out on a date, my mum said "No you're not, don't lie. Who would go out with you?" FML
Today, while going to work, I was mugged. On the way back, I was mugged. FML
Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML
Today, I was attacked by my dad because I got my hair dyed and he thought I was a robber. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML
Today, I put up an ad on Craig's List to find a best friend. I don't know what's more pathetic: looking for a best friend online, or the ad being removed almost instantly. FML
Today, my twelve year old neighbour decided to give a Hannah Montana concert in her backyard, starring herself. Unfortunately, she only knew three lines of the song "The Best of Both Worlds" and screamed them repeatedly at the top of her lungs. FML
Today, I came out to my parents. They nodded empathetically throughout my entire speech and told me repeatedly that it was okay. As I smiled and stood up, my dad asked, "But you're still going to marry a guy, right?" FML
Today, I finally found out who has been hacking my email account to send dirty messages to my teacher. My dad. FML
Today, I'm the coach of a football team. To celebrate winning a game, they poured a cooler of blue Gatorade over my head. This would've been great, if not for the fact that I'm highly allergic to blue food dye. FML
Today, my dad was given 2 VIP tickets to see my favourite band in concert next week. You can now find them on eBay. FML
Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML
Today, I got in my sister's car outside the movie theater and started talking about the movie. When I realized she wasn't saying anything, I looked up to see my ex-boyfriend sitting in the drivers seat. I got in the wrong car. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML
Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML
Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML
Today, a group of Girl Scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought two bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML
Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML
Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML
Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up window appeared on the station's computer. Of all the possible sounds that could have played, it was a girl screaming in pleasure. It went out live on air. FML
Today, I met an old friend from high school and his hot girlfriend. I jokingly said she must be blind to go out with him. His response: "Yeah, she is." FML
Today, I was feeling unusually self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on makeup for the day. On my way to class, I passed some guys selling towels. One of them jeered, "Wanna be prettier? Buy a towel, and throw it over your face!" There goes my self-confidence. FML
Today, I found a picture of my military husband kissing another woman. His excuse? It was "Photoshopped." FML
Today, my violent housemate qualified for a gun license. She picks up her bolt-action rifle on Wednesday. FML
Today, I went camping and shared a tent with this girl I have been sleeping with here and there for a year. To impress her, I popped a certain male enhancement supplement. Thirty minutes later I found out she was on her period. What a long night. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me. When I confronted her, she yelled at me for not noticing the signs sooner. FML
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
Today, my mum read a forwarded email, and is now convinced that eating processed food will make my ovaries shrink and disappear. Now she goes batshit crazy if she sees me eating potato chips. FML
Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML
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