Mr Sydney, AUSTRALIA 28 years-old Single
Today, I saw a bad car wreck. I pulled over and ran to the car to find an unconscious man behind the wheel. Another car pulled up, and a guy got out. I was relieved to have help, until, to my horror, he started trying to hit on me. I was stuck with him until the ambulance arrived. FML
Today, a drunk driver crashed in through my living room wall. Not only that, but he managed to completely miss the first two houses on the block, which should have been a barrier before mine. FML
Today, I was driving to my company picnic with 85 lbs of meat in the back seat, and 1 gallon of homemade BBQ sauce and mustard in large pans riding shotgun. As I drove down a steep hill, the BBQ sauce pan slid forward, hit the glove box and exploded in my front seat. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that since he's doing a project with a girl in his class and carpooling with her in the morning, she'll be sleeping over at his house. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't feel like he loved me. His response? "Why else would I be with you? Your looks?" He was serious. FML
Today, when I signed into Amazon, their top recommendation for me based on past purchases was "The Brave Little Toaster" on DVD. FML
Today, I went to a coffee shop to meet an online date. I couldn't spot him, so he eventually came up and introduced himself. It seems his on-line picture must have been taken before I was born. I spluttered "This isn't going to work," and promptly scuttled out. FML
Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML
Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML
Today, my husband and I had the grand opening to our new winery. We had a big sign out front saying "FREE GRAPES", to try and get more people interested. People kept giving us dirty looks when passing. We later realized there was something covering the "G". FML
Today, I had to take care of my best friend while she was drunk. This meant changing her pee-soaked sheets, making her take a bath to get all the baby powder off, and making her put clothes on as she tried to run out the house naked. FML
Today, I was texting at work when my manager walked in. I quickly dropped my phone in the garbage to avoid trouble. Since I was working so hard, she decided to do me a favor and throw the trash out for me. FML
Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML
Today, I found out that my eight year old son is actually my nephew. FML
Today, it has been 8 months since I started a photography project in which I would take a picture of the same tree every day for a year. I just heard a noise outside. They cut the tree down. FML
Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend. We'd just got our food when my dad walks in, comes up to our table and says, "I didn't say you could leave, you're too young to be dating him", then drags me out of the restaurant. We are both 15, and it was my first date. FML
Today, I took my mom to Victoria's Secret to help her find a bra. She made me try one on to see if it looked good on me. Turns out we have the same cup size. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML
Today, I was in a restroom sitting on the toilet, when the guy right next to me noticed my AC/DC boxers around my ankles and started to sing "Back in Black." FML
Today, I found that there is nothing worse than coming home to a snake slithering across your kitchen floor. Except when it disappears into your cabinets. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy if he bit me on the lips. Normally, I would have enjoyed it, if the lips in question were the ones on my face. FML
Today, I was at a family reunion, but I've always hated my family. I walked up behind my husband and said, "I can't wait to go home and get it on." My husband turned around. It was my uncle, wearing the same hat as my husband's. FML
Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML
Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML
Today, I drove for hours to attend a martial arts tournament, and then I waited ages for it to finally start. I lost in less than a minute. FML
Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML
Today, I was having an argument with my girlfriend in front of our friends. I didn't want her to spoil my good time, so I ignored her until she disappeared. She re-appeared thirty minutes later just to throw a punch that would make Muhammad Ali jealous. Our friends' reaction? They clapped. FML
Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML
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