Bartimists

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Bartimists's favorite FMLs

By Anonymous - 13/05/2017 21:00 - Italy

Today, after a hard day, I allowed myself a small solitary pleasure. As I was going at it, all of a sudden a little red dot appeared on my penis. A pimple? Nope. The laser that my neighbors were using to show me that I'd forgotten to close my curtains. FML

agreeclassic 7 678

vote type 1 6 060

YES!

By spitball101 - 12/01/2014 05:26 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

agreeclassic 53 681

vote type 1 4 941

By -_-" - 11/01/2014 23:13 - United States - Vestal

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

agreeclassic 42 223

vote type 1 9 054

By Anonymous - 11/01/2014 18:52 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

agreeclassic 51 286

vote type 1 5 500

Dogs are people too

By Seriously? - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he's named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

agreeclassic 56 286

vote type 1 6 608